when is enough enough?
 

My husband says he hasnt a problem and can stop drinking anytime, he drinks 14-20 cans of lager a day, every day. he doesnt work we have 4 kids and he still drinks and believes he is lord of the manor. The kids have no respect for him, nor do I, I feel like he is commiting suicide in front of us all. He says its all my fault and that I am useless, he says I can take the kids and leave anytime I want, but if I fight him for the house he will burn it down. his whites of his eyes are yellow, he is sick often, and he wont go to the doctor. the doctor says he cant help unless my husband wants help. What do I do, if I go to a solicitor, because of my husbands behaviour I will get a divorce and he will be out he is a scary man, but then can I live with him having nowhere else to go, he has no friends, no family, and he is slowly closing my friends and family from me. HELP! PLEASE

Hey there, sweetie, another Brit here. Welcome to SR - it has truly been my lifesaver. Take a look at the sticky posts at the top of this forum and the nar-anon one. I found them very helpful.

I an afraid that I am all out of words of wisdom at the mo, but then that's not surprising seeing as it's quarter to one in the morning. Hopefully, some of the others who are still in a more civilised time zone will be along to welcome you.

Catch up with you soon.

Enough is when you are tired of living the way you are living.

My litmus test is this:

If you aren't bringing anything POSITIVE to my relationship then you are a detrement. At that point, either you get your sh*t together or I'm going it alone. I'll give you space to get it together, but I won't get it together *for* you, nor will I accept anything less than striving to be "The Man", MY man, the way I accepted my vows that we would grow together to be...........

Anything less is unacceptable.

Now you have the easy answer. Between "you sh*thead" and "you're perfect" is where we all are.

Welcome to SR!

welcome to SR... first.. realize it took a while to get into this situation...and it will take a bit of time to get out of it.

first things first... are you safe? if you feel unsafe.. find a safe place.

once you are sure you are safe.. then.. look to what you want.. what is right for you and what is right for your kids. if your situation doesnt reflect that... get help.

help can come in many ways.. alanon. social services. a lawyer. a cop. a therapist. a pastor/priest. open your eyes and your ears to those... seek them out and find what local alternatives are open to you.

also... i would always suggest talking to girlfriends. girlfriends are the ones who are usually aware of what you are going thru and know the resources needed. they also usually can find a kleenex when things are tough. my girlfriends helped me thru moving home, five miscarriages and a messy divorce. dont underestimate them.

look into the eyes of your kids.. then pray.. you will find the strength. heck you are on one of the most helpful websites i have ever seen.

quietsins