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I know what I want you all to say...

Old 10-27-2005, 07:37 PM
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I know what I want you all to say...

but will you say it? I haven't gotten up the courage to leave or make him leave yet. However I know seperation or divorce is inevitable. Unless God reigns down a great miracle which He could but chances??? Anyway, I have asked my husband to wear his wedding ring when he goes out. I know he could take it off the second he gets in the car, I know he could still go home with or to a motel with someone even if he is wearing it. It has been interesting to see his reaction to the request the past few times. His "what's the difference?" response was answered with because you have always worn it. His response another time was "whatever" (head shake, eyes roll, huff of disgust) was answered with then don't. The most recent time he responded with "what's the difference? You hardly wear yours." in which I answered when we go out I wear mine, if you want me to wear it on a daily basis I will, I have never worn mine on a daily basis, you have, my fingers break out if I wear any ring for an extended period of time...women look at a man's finger to see if he is married and any woman with morals does not flirt with him a woman without morals won't care either way(was trying to be give a generality-I know this is not ALWAYS the case), I didn't stop wearing my ring around the same time we began having serious issues in our marriage and all that has happened (the 2 affairs in less than a year) he knew what I meant. I guess my question is was it wrong for me to even ask him to wear the ring? Or is it about time I started sticking up for myself? This last time it was posed as would you please start wearing your wedding when you go out? Meaning from now on not just a one time deal like before. He wore it and after I said my peace he did not hold a grudge or leave the house showing any anger. If chooses not to wear it I don't have a "what will I do then", I guess just be angry and chalk it up to just how far apart we have grown. Which is what strengthens me to be done. Well, I was just wondering. I tend to over-think and over-process and second guess. I have come so far but have so much farther to go.

J
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Old 10-27-2005, 08:50 PM
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Originally Posted by somebodysfool
but will you say it? I haven't gotten up the courage to leave or make him leave yet. However I know seperation or divorce is inevitable.
J
If this is really the case, why are you dwelling on him wearing his wedding ring? I say quit focusing on what he is doing or not doing and start focusing on yourself and preparing for what you say is inevitable. Take care of yourself mentally, emotionally and care for your body.

If he does not want to save the marriage and you fear he is going to cheat again or is still cheating, do you really think the ring thing is worth spending any of your emotions, time or energy on? I don't.

You stated a woman with morals won't chase or flirt with a man wearing a wedding ring. Well first women with morals don't usually hang out in bars, and your kidding yourself if you believe women care if men are wearing a wedding ring or married. A lot don't.

If he is going to cheat, his wedding ring is not going to stop him.

You need to let that issue go and focus on yourself and the bigger issues that need your attention.

God Bless you, I do know exactly what you are going through and it isn't fun at all, it is miserable as long as you let it make you miserable. I did that for months and then got tired of it and started taking care of ME. Try it, I bet your life gets better dispite what he does or how he acts or if he wears his wedding ring or not.
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Old 10-27-2005, 09:08 PM
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Exclamation

[quote]

Well first women with morals don't usually hang out in bars



HG


That's a little presumptuous to say. Just because a man or woman goes to a bar, you can't make an assumption like that!
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Old 10-27-2005, 10:08 PM
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Ring or no ring.... Work on your recovery.

I would only wear my ring when we went out together..weddings, dinner.

Since my finding recovery and a sober life, I have not had the ring off my finger... a little over 5 years now. My choice. My wife has never asked or said she wants me wearing it...I do it because I want to.

Through my recovery, I have found my answers. Seek your own recovery and let him deal with his own recovery.

Boundaries and "self" control are your tools. Both are for your peace and quiet.
Trying to control his actions will only bring you unrest. Let him deal with his issues.
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Old 10-28-2005, 02:00 AM
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Thanks HG and Best you areboth 100% right and posted what I NEEDED to hear. I am just having a hard time liking it.

J
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Old 10-28-2005, 07:23 AM
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HEY CAPTAIN...glad to see you back!!!!! Missed you by the way.....

I do agree with your post.....you know what they say about assume.....
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Old 10-28-2005, 01:07 PM
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Somebody,
I have never heard something I REALLY needed to hear and liked it. However, since I have put my recovery and serenity first in my life I have heard a lot of things I need to change ABOUT myself; not for anyone else but for me.

Hope you find some serenity with knowing you are in charge of the choices you make about your life and where it goes from here.
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Old 10-28-2005, 01:13 PM
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I dont have to like it, I just have to accept it.

Which is good...cus I can still keep hating it.....at the same time, practice accepting it.

Work on you, today, not him, and you will see results!

hugs!
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