devastated

Hello Friends:

I just received another call (which I didn't answer again) asking again to please straighten out a couple of checks that bounced so he can write another check to the same people in order to get parts for his truck so he can get to work tomorrow!

He even had the nerve to ask the girlfriend that he has terrorized to the point that she now has an alarm system, changed her phone number, and has family recommending that she sell her house, if she would call this store with her credit card so he can get the parts he needs. He has been blackmailing her that he was going to send parole papers to her Xhusband saying that he was in prison and was twice violated for drug use. She asked if he would send the papers to her if she paid for the parts, he said he would but he could have copies!!! That did it! He says she has he word! That's comforting!

I know he lives in a desolate part of Nevada, but it seems to me his Dad maybe could give him a ride (maybe he wouldn't) early before the step-sister has to take the children to school. I know if it were me, I would find a way even if it meant borrowing a bicycle. Maybe he doesn't even have a job. I can't ask the Dad either. I want him to have a job because he is so far in debt with child support and other things. What a mess!

We can't trust him at this point. The baby's Dad took her away from me Mon. and Friday's because he called him and told him all kinds of bad things. The Mom has taking good strides to protect herself and the baby. She is going there to have the Sheriff serve the restraining order. We're so afraid that he really is going to get mad when this happens. On the other hand, maybe he will see the light. Guess, all we can do is wait and see!

Once again, here I am asking for advice...I'm getting embarrassed always depending on the wisdom of all you wonderful ladies...maybe one day, I'll be in a position to offer advice too. God, I live for the day this happens....Love & Hugs Devastated

Laceejoe

Devastated---I read both of your posts and my heart truly goes out to you. There is NOTHING harder than saying no to the child you carried beneath your heart---but, at this stage---you need to do this!! It seems as if your son is reaching his breaking point, and as many will tell you, I'm sure---reaching the bottom is necessary before he can start his climb back up. I've lived where you're at, Devastated---but mine was with my daughter. So many sleepless nights worrying and wondering if I was doing the right thing!! I can't even begin to get into words the way I felt wondering what was going on inside her head!! It's so easy for them to blame us---the one's who continue to love them regardless of their bad choices----but blame us, they do!! Much easier than looking in the mirror and seeing what is reflecting back!! Stick to your guns, and keep praying to God for strength. It is probably the ONLY lifeline I had before I found all of you on these boards. I've been in a little bit of a blue-funk over the last week and haven't been posting alot---but I know that I need to do it, regardless of my mood. God bless you with the strength you ask for, Devastated----and pray that your son soon sees the consequences of his choices!! Lots of love!! LACEE

smoke gets in my eyes

Hi Devastated.

The key to the problem is in the title of your post. "It never ends." Your son using you as a crutch will never end unless you end it. Your decision can only be based on how much you are willing to take.

The last time something like this came up and you bailed him out, did you say "this is the last time"? If you did, that's a boundary. It's not often fruitful to expect other people to respect your boundaries, so YOU are the one who has to do it.

Don't you think that if your son put a tenth of the energy he used to get drugs into getting to work in the morning (even without a vehicle) that he'd be there EARLY?

Hugs,
Smoke

devastated

Hello Laceejoe & Smoke:

Thank you both for the support I need to stay strong and stick to my guns.

You're right you know and I know that too...they are so clever and can do anything when they want to and yet so helpless when they don't want to do the right thing.

Sure have been a lot of sleepless nights in the past 40 years. When I think about it, there have probably been a total of about 16 years that were really happy years with this boy. He's been doing drugs for so long that by now I'm sure his brain has been affected. I wonder if a person stops doing drugs if they ever return to normal? This is my problem, I never knew anything about drugs.

Thanks to both of you once again. Sometimes I feel like a bottomless pit asking for help all the time. One day I'll be strong I just know it!

Laceejoe: I'm so sorry you've been sad. I guess all we can do is try and think happy thoughts in order to get through it. Posting helps though...I'm sending you big Ho, Ho, Ho's from Santa so you can get happy again. Hugs to you & Smoke, Devastated