Repulsed by the lies
 

Today was a bad day. geez.. where to begin? I am just so damn sick of being lied to. I am sometimes so consumed by the memories or all the now known lies. I've never been so betrayed. I've never let anyone treat me so badly for so long. It helps to come here and know people here understand. I guess I am going through a necessary process. Anger? Yes I am beginning to get very angry, very disgusted. He and I sorta had a phone tag (answering machine) fight today. I won't even bother with the details because it's just so typical. What it boils down to is me confronting him on another presumed lie and him denying it and me mouthing off (which I rarely have the guts to do) explaining that I have every reason to think he's lying since he's layed quite a few huge ones on me.

Yes I know I'm not supposed to even be talking to him! I broke that promise to myself. I've been such a sappy doormat to him that I just need for once to blow up at him. He won't care I know. His wife once actually beat him up in MY front doorway! Man, how white trash my life has been this last year.

A couple weeks ago there was a small bit of hope left and now, though angry, I am looking to a future totally w/o him.

Thats great you are thinking towards a future without him!! :bananadan

I too, find the lies often get really old, very quick; tends to make the person very unattractive very quickly.

It has been a very slow process for me, but I'm slowly getting there. I hope you do too!

Savana, I read a couple of recent posts of yours and I know you understand how I feel. Today just sucked for me. I was also "juried out" of this art exhibit today that I had been so excited about. It was a focus that was helping me through all the pain and now I feel like a reject today. Trying to look on the broght side of both situations. The art things hurts but by having my paintings framed for this show I recieved interest from an actual gallery. So maybe another door has opened though that one slammed shut in my face.

Thats awesome about your paintings!!:) What type of art?

Impressionistic realism. I paint landscapes, old and pretty buildings and structures. I tried to use a scan of one of my paintings as my picture under my name but no matter how small I made it (pixel) it said it was too large. I am computer savy when it comes to this stuff but I am also on a macintosh and sometimes that causes problems. Anyway thanks for the interest too bad I can't just SHOW you my art. :)

You sound very talented!! I love art and I love to decorate when I have the money.

I love Pier 1 and Crate and Barrel!

My all time favorite painting is Van Gogh's Starry Night. I used to have a framed print, but sold it when I moved out of the country. It wasn't worth much money.

allright just tried upoading an image again. sometimes the Mac thing is very frustrating. One day I'll just have to have a link to a site somewhere.

Love Van Gogh. Monet. Also love wildlife art.

sketscher - try photobucket or imageshack. It's dead easy - even I can do it!

I know exactly what you mean about the anger. It is certainly a stage that I had to go through. But raging at my ex has never worked. It didn't make me feel any better because it was in one ear and out the other. I could get no validation whatsoever from him about it. In fact, all I did was give him an excuse to drink on a plate. Best to vent in a journal or on here, I've found.

And the lies? Well, that's what many alcoholics do. Did you read Equus' posts on lying from the other day?

Sketcher, I know what you mean about the lies. My h has told more than I care to count. Trying to cover up his relapses. The lies hurt way more than the relapses. At least you have your art as a healthy outlet for your feelings. I love a good painting, I'm not artsy at all. Not even crafts or anything. Not one of my talents I guess. I would love to see them if you could post them. Take care and keep focusing on you and the good things in your life. Thats all we can do. With love , Kerry

lies are the problem of the one who told them.. until you do nothing about it or meekly accept them.. then it becomes a shared problem.

i just got so tired of the lies i figured out my life was smoother alone. and it is... big time

quietsins

Today with lots and lots of years of sobriety under my belt, I know they were lies, and you know they were lies, but..........back then I would have sworn on a stack of bibles or on my mother's life that what I said was the the truth, because in my distorted mind from all the alcohol and drugs IT WAS THE TRUTH.

I know that is not an excuse, that is just a little incite into what the booze and drugs did to this alkie. I was so out of it, and in so much denial, I truly, I mean truly believed that I was an honest person and did not lie about anything, and that toward the end people were ganging up on me and picking on me (immense paranoia).

I have come to find out over these many years being in both AA and Alanon that this is one of the characteristics (the TERRIBLE characteristics) of this HORRIBLE disease. I truly believe that an acoholic/addict in the throes of their addiction can no longer distinguish fact from fiction.

Just my humble opinion. It is tragic. It is terrible. And it does kill. It killed the love of my life. I managed to get sober and he never did. Some unfortunately never make it.

All we can do, is work on ourselves, be it in alanon, AA, some other program or all of the above and pray that somewhere down the line, our example will be something that our loved ones and others can follow.

JMHO

Love and (((((to all))))),

Thanks laurie for your insight. I was talking to a friend from AA, he said the same thing. I was like NO WAY!! He said yes, that exabf does believe his own lies and believes that he isn't fooling anyone. How insane is that!!??!!!??

Very crazy and scary if you ask me.

Thanks minnie for the image advice. Not sure if I read that other post. Going to look.

As far as my xabf, he admitted to the lies. But he excused it as having been months ago AND by stating that though he's no angel he's never HAD to lie like this before. That he knew sooner or later it would all come crashing down and he'd lose both women (boo hoo). That this last year has been rough for him etc. I am so furious by this because it's not as though anyone forced him into a situation where he'd have to lie. HE DID IT HIMSELF! And I know better than to believe he's never "had" to lie before.

Anyway I am better today.

I'm glad you are doing better today. I must admit this line was, in a sick way, very funny to me. Maybe because I've been there myself?

Believing one's own lies IS a symptom of an A's "insanity"
 

Hon, I've heard more b.s. and crazy crap come out of my AH's lips than I can count. I, too, once said "NO F******G WAY!" I was hurt, astounded, and freaked out by the stuff he would say and actually believe! I began to wonder which one of us was crazier - the addict or the codie!

He claims he "forgot" our third wedding anniversary, he claims I opened and drank a bottle of rather expensive Chardonnay (I wasn't even in the house when he downed the bottle!), and worst of all he used a lot of well-meaning people (including me) when he went into detox back in March. Saved his ass at his job, but as soon as he got a transfer to another state (and knew he was safe from his previous boss firing him) he went on a tremendous bender and has been drunk on a regular basis ever since!

The saddest thing about all this is, I got to see him sober for forty days. He had a lot of emotional problems, but it was the first time he looked healthy and was reaching out for help. All bogus in the end. It's amazing the lengths an addict will go to in order to protect his or her addiction.

His wife once actually beat him up in MY front doorway!

And if you don't mind me asking, what type of future were you hoping for?

RRecovery, good question about what I had hope for. And honestly at this time I'm so sickened by him and his cruel lies that I don't even want to examine where my head was at then. But I'm sure I'm not alone in having hope that I was the one who the A would be happy with and might just change for.

I wish I had found this forum back when all the chaos was really happening. You guys would have had a field day with all the drama. But back then I was so emmersed in the drama that I didn't even go on the internet. I was completely obsessed with him and I thought it was such true love. I was pretty ignorant to the special manipulative talent many A's posess. And ofcourse I am prone to low self esteem.

I have reached my limit and finally can say "Its over". Cuz I'm SICK of the lies, the small gestures of kindness just to attain sympathy, the drunken calls, the sad looks from him at work, hearing about his new baby when he knows how sad that makes me and how much I'd love to have my own.

I have finally given myself the gift of freedom.

Ahhh Freedom(((((sketscher)))))

Be free girl that is where it is at!!! Trust that your wings work and that you can fly...because you are meant to

Why would youn expect this man to be honest with you when he lied and cheated on his wife with you?? You set yourself up for this. I thought you had given him the boot weeks ago. When you try to steal someone's spouse , everyone gets hurt. dax

Exactly..thanks for such an honest, helpful insight into the disease.....