CatsTail

Hi Sketscher,

Focus on the actions and not the words. Your frustration will level will decrease drastically and you'll get the whole truth and nothing but the truth through the actions.

Ngaire

sketscher

Dax, He left my home months ago actually but he has been in almost constant verbal contact with me since. It was weeks ago that I was rid of his stuff. I am just now going through a process of letting go and letting out the anger.

Why, you ask, did I expect honesty? Well you could ask the same to his wife as she took him back in three times. And likely will again. I believed lies. I loved the man and believed that he was honestly questioning whether he had married the right person. In the beginning it seemed we were so compatible that I felt maybe he was right to question this.

Now my head just sometimes spins trying to figure out how this all happened. Wondering how he maniplulated his wife as well. Sometimes I wish it were possible to talk to her and compare his stories but I know it's not my place to do this. What purpose would it serve except to get us both angry and get him to tell more lies?

StandingStrong

sketscher, have you ever read on the website www.marriagebuilders.com? There is a section that is based on how and why affairs happen, etc. I think you might find it an interesting read. Though the Dr. that does this website won't even counsel an active addict and therefore all his thoughts/ideas/etc. can't apply to an addict, you may gain some insite to yourself.

I'm sorry you are having such a rough time right now. It always amazes me how a person's feelings of love for another can sometimes be the most painful experience they ever know. Just somehow doesn't seem like it should be that way.

Keep focusing on you. Maybe it's time to re-do the steps???

dax

Well there are many reason she keeps taking him back. Did you mention children? She might still love the jerk, need him for financial reasons[especially if the children are small. You know what- A spouse living with an alcoholic certainly doesn't need an other woman to cause more havoic in the marriage and in his possble recovery. Sorry since you have continued contact with him, I have lost any sympathy for you. Alcohol and you are wreaking this family. If you were dating an unttached man, you could have that baby you are so jealous of. This is a dead end deal. dax

dax

Well she can just not answer his calls or change her number. Block all emails. Maybe a restaining order against both since there has been violence on her front porch. She is allowing the calls to continue because she wants to maintain contact. dax

dax

SKetscher is having an affair with another woman's husband. She should not even be in the picture to worry about his recovery. It is really none of her business. I know she is is pain- it is self inficlted. She needs to get away from the whole sordid mess. dax

Cap3

When i share,i hope another will be as honest,and straightforward to me,as Dax is.To help show me the way of what im doing to myself that im hurting myself.Recovery,enlightment,is all a process.And the process begins when another is honest with me.Although it may hurt me at first to see/read/listen,to,,honesty,at,least ive been exposed to it,and can go from there.Hoping that others are not as concerned about my ole feelings[which i change all the time}.But to be more concerned with ...helping...me,instead.
Being with da married folk is hurting to all involved.Its not a judgement,its the situation itself,even being into something like this,that can be so hurtful,painful,way to live.And although one falls in love,and cant help who we fall in love with.But can take actions to get away from this love,because its not the love ,that makes for happy,healthy,and free to love..If a friend ,had plans to put her hand on a burning stove,i would try to talk her out of it.What kind of friend would i be,if i didnt..Recovery is all about changing who we bring into the rooms.If another can guide me into change,im all for it.No matter what i first feel about it.Remembering that my feelings comes from my own thoughts.Abnd my thoughts may be out there at the moment.Im not thinking clearly.God bless those folks who help me,when im not clear.