I just want to SCREAM!!!

Old 10-21-2005, 08:58 AM
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I just want to SCREAM!!!

Ok... I have to start by saying that I am SO guilty of snooping and that is one of my problems with this situation. But what was worse was what I found. Here's the cliff note version. My soon to be exAH just activated a credit card that we had during the marriage. I was nervous he actually used the card- since we are going thru the divorce I don't want this to go into the division of debt. So I kinda saw what he used the card for... this is where I want to scream... STEROIDS!!! The jerk has been maoning and groaning that he is broke b/c of the child support and he goes and spends $2000 on STEROIDS!!!!! What the F??? This whole time I believed the poor sap that he was broke and so down on his luck and the whole time he was trying to get money for this!!! Not to mention the $2000 cash he took off the card... and for what... who knows!!!

So this is my problem...
1. I should have NEVER snooped! I have not done this in 8 months. He is free to do what he wants and I can not control him. He is a grown man and makes his own decisions.

2. I am so angry that I felt sorry once again for this guy. He has tricked me again!!! I actually believed he was living a "normal" life.

3. OK- he is using STEROIDS now!!! How scary is that? Should I be concerned how he is with my children around? He gets them for 12 hours on Saturdays- of course this was court ordered under the stipulation that he remains sober, goes to AA, takes bi-polar meds. Obviously he is FAR away from recovery and thinking straight- correct me if I am wrong!!! He has done NOTHING the court order stated and now this!!!

Please someone talk some sense into me. Am I over-reacting?
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Old 10-21-2005, 09:19 AM
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Your soon to be ex charged on a joint card? Do you know of all the joint accounts? Can you contact all joint creditors and have accounts either closed or converted from revolving debt accounts to close ended loans? Damage control stuff for joint debt..

I can not speak to Steroid use but I would say you are under reacting... I'd be friggen PISSED OFF!
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Old 10-21-2005, 09:28 AM
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Joint account??? Please talk to your attorney.
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Old 10-21-2005, 09:32 AM
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Yea... seems to me if your going through a divorce that there is something in there about debt occured after such a date being the individuals debt.

If you closed that account he should not be able to reactivate it without your signature, might want to call that credit card company too... you really need to keep finances seperate.
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Old 10-21-2005, 09:40 AM
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I can actually help here. I've been divorced twice, (not proud about that but I got that broke picker thing goin on). You do not have to rack up Attorneys fees to take care of this, you can do it yourself. My 1st ex thought a limit on a credit card was a "goal to be acheived"! You would be amazed at how far you can get with creditors just by picking up the phone. Tell them the situation, ask if you can have the account converted to a close ended loan with a set limit at what the balance currently is. Verify they can not increase the limit or reactivate an idle account without both signitures. It doesn't take much effort to stop current financial obligations from increasing but would take years to pay off if you do nothing about it now. Most important, pull a credit history on both your and your soon to be ss#. That way you can identify accounts that might have been opend by your soon to be that you were not even aware of. I had a few of them! Contact each creditor w/ the same drill. Don't delay!
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Old 10-21-2005, 09:52 AM
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On first thought, I'd be worried. It was one helluva lot of years ago that I had a boyfriend on steroids, and he was fine... he was Portuguese/Welch and so he’d already been kind of volatile. So go with the clues. I understood completely why John took them. I would not be so understanding with most other people.

kelly
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Old 10-21-2005, 10:05 AM
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Spoke with my lawyer and he looked into the account and I am OK. When everything hit the fan 8 months ago I made all of the calls to the credit card companies to take me off or him when I could. Since then I have been paying ALL of the debt. This card he activated had me as a signer on the account but I am not ON the account. According to my lawyer I am fine. I should also mention that thru this divorce my AH will not get a lwayer- claims he can't afford one! He has me using my laywer to make agreements. Of course I will take 1/2 the cost from the equity in the home- which is being sold. This weekend I will come to agreements with my AH so I can have my lawyer write them up and then I have nothing left to do but the actual divorce. My AH keeps telling me that heonly wants his money and doesn't want to fight- so obviously my lawyer will look out for MY best interest. Oh yeah- since we are selling the home we will be paying off ALL common debt so there will be nothing left after the divorce.

Thanks all for the concern over the card. I feel better knowing I am only responsible for the charges before 8 months ago. I am now SO angry about the steroids. He is a total meat head!!! He's a big guy- 6'4 about 250lbs and always wanted to do them. We used to have arguments over this when we were together so I can't say it is totally shocking. I am just so mad b/c I actually thought he was doing the right thing.

I am also really upest b/c I don't want this around my kids. He already has a terrible anger problem. I hate this b/c I always swore that I would never keep the kids from their father and I always thought that no matter how bad he is he is still their dad but enough is enough. At what point to I put my foot down and say that the courts did NOT agree for him to see the kids if he is doing everything wrong?
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Old 10-21-2005, 10:11 AM
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Did you talk to your attorney about his visitation rights considering he is now taking steroids? I'd be curious how the courts would look at that.
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Old 10-21-2005, 10:15 AM
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gelfing- great question but that is what I don't know what to do about!! His visitation was going to be supervised if he was not doing what we agreed to and obviously I did nothing about that. Would I be wrong to tell the courts? I just don't want my kids to suffer.

cynay- My lawyer did tell me that b/c we have been separated for these past 8 months that he will be responsible for the charges- but since I am not legally responsible for the account I am fine!!! Thank god!

Jazzman- you always make me laugh- just thought i'd tell you that your posts always brighten my day!
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Old 10-21-2005, 10:28 AM
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Would I be wrong to tell the courts? I just don't want my kids to suffer.
The question really is, what's the chance of them suffering while he's using this stuff and you didn't take the necessary action to protect them. I know very little about the junk, but know it's illegal.

You chose to divorce him and it's your responsibility to protect yourself and your kiddies. If busting him for steroids means a safer environment for them, it's like your divorce...you've got to do it.

Blessings
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Old 10-21-2005, 10:38 AM
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Ok... I give too. What exactally do steroids do?

With the kids.. You know what he is going to be upset and angry about anything you do, there is no completely happy divorce... so do what you want/think is right and dont let him effect that decision hon.

You cant make him happy
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Old 10-21-2005, 10:57 AM
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They can cause violent erruptions that you definitely don't want with kids.

Kelly
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Old 10-21-2005, 10:59 AM
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Gelfing and Cynay- you said it all! I have made my decisions based on what I think was right for me and my kids. I left b/c I did not want them to be around his craziness. I just don't know that much about steroids either- except that they are illegal, can cause aggression, anger, rage. But I don't know. I do know that my exAH has an addiction and if it is not the drinking then it is something else- always been this way for him. Even while drinking he was addicted to working out. He admits to his addictive behaviors but instead of doing somehting about it he hides behind the diagnosis and simply says- this is what we do! I have to think this thru. I have obviously not confronted him with this- not my business. And like you both said- This is a divorce- he will never be happy or like my decisions.
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Old 10-21-2005, 11:31 AM
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http://www.steroids.org/psychiatric.htm
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Old 10-21-2005, 11:41 AM
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OK, this guys is 6'4, 250 lbs, works out religiously, makes comments like "that's what we do", (what ever that means?) and takes drugs that can cause violent erruptions?!?! I didn't even finish reading the 1st paragraph of the "minnie link" and I was convinced. I'm thinking supervised visitation, hell YA! It was his choice!
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Old 10-21-2005, 11:44 AM
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It would seem that it is appropriate to investigate and research areas that may involve you financially. What he is doing could affect you for years to come and it is your right to protect yourself.
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