Update on scrapping with teh health service!!
 

I've put off writing this as there's little in the way of good news!! D's doctor recieved the most recent rejection letter yesterday. This time it says they are no longer accepting anyone for treatment by the psychiatric team unless they are a risk to themselves or others - everyone else will have to be dealt with by primary services headed by nurses. They are also cutting primary services by 30%!!

I've researched the National Framework Standards for Mental Health and there may still be legal grounds we can use. I'm going to ring the MIND legal services this pm to talk to them about it.

I'm not giving up at this point, just making sure we've put together the best case possible - they have 20 days to resolve a complaint so I guess all the info had better be there from the outset.

The more I read about the law and standards the more I realise it's based on diagnosis and the length of the problems. D has been repeatedly diagnosed with depression but has never recieved consistant treatment - nor has he followed it up until now. The anxiety related disorders he has only ever partially reported and although his doc has diagnosed I'm not sure what weight that has or whether it will be seen as only a recent thing.

I think while building the strongest case we can I might have to come to terms with treatment being refused, D doesn't self injure or threaten suicide, he is no risk to people around him. He can only get psychiatric help through alcohol services if he is currently drunk - he isn't. If he was self injurous, if he was violent, if he was drunk he would get help.

I'm not disheartened enough to give up, not flaming yet! But I need to step back from thinking defeat is not an option - it might be.

If you can't get the help on the NHS, is there any way at all of you being able to go private?

We only have my income, I don't think anyone would lend us any money. The best I could do would be £2000 on my credit card because I never use it. We're both overdrawn - D hasn't worked full time for months, all his credit limits are reached.

If it comes to it private will be the only option but I couldn't afford to pay the credit card back and keep the house on just my income - I also don't know that D would agree to that. I think he would get drunk to get help first, I think that thought crosses his mind - it must do, all the support disappeared once he stopped. Without any of the other help I think staying sober is very hard for him anyway, I think part of him just wants to let go. He doesn't say that but sometimes I sense it there so strongly.

What if D did the in patient as siggested earlier?

Hugs to you both....

Do you have a uni near you with a Psych department? They might know of someone who will do reduced fee sessions.

(I know you talked about giving up smoking - if you got cheaper sessions AND both stopped spending money on fags, maybe it would be achievable.)

It was suggested if he couldn't stop drinking - the inpatient option is an addiction unit run by Psychiatrists. It costs the NHS £14000 per patient and there's no way he would get that while sober.

There is a day patient programme but even that looks doubtful unless he relapsed. He has said he'd agree to it if he drinks again - in fact he said he be banging on the door to be admitted if he got as bad as he was in July/August!!

Just throwing out suggestions, but (in reference to yesterday's threads) could he lie about how much he's drinking? Or do they test?

Minnie - I hate the money lost on cigarettes, I feel guilty about it everyday but I don't feel like I can stop through the middle of this. I hate that - I'm utterly ashamed of saying it, it makes me feel useless.

Oops - didn't mean to ***** a nerve. I'm a smoker and I know how hard it is. But I know you wanted to give up and was thinking that if the cost of D's help was reasonable and achievable, it woulod give you a goal.

Don't beat yourself up, please.

I have no idea! But what a thing to ask him to do - he's proud he hasn't drank day by day. On the three occassions he has drank he's faced the music with the counsellors, one of whom just didn't believe he was trying. I can't imagine him having to go through that when he hasn't actually drank!

You know what? Sometimes I think he was better off drunk!! It did numb what's happening to him, it did mean he had some social interactions, he even worked with it for years.

Now he's put the effort in there's nothing, no help, just a lottery of counsellors for an hour a week.

Hi Equus, I know it would be hard for him to lie about a relapse. From all you've written it seems like the only way for him to get the help he wants. What a prediciment! You both must be so frustrated with this. Someone who really wants help can't get it. It just isn't fair. I will pray for both of you, tell him not to give up he has come too far. Hugs over the ocean to both of you. With love, Kerry

Sorry to hear this news. Why don't you guys take the weekend off from thinking about it.

Sorry you are going thru all this. I hear people in the US saying they want socialized medicine. this is anohter reminder it isn't the great system people claim it is, medical care is rationed. I hope your spouse can get the care he needs soon. Even in teh US it is harder to get mental health care, it is seen differently than a phsyical health problem.

I just think that's too extreme to ask him to do. If I suggested it he'd be absolutely right to suggest back that he does actually drink because it does self medicate - shrt term and with high consequences but it does work in the short term. I think fighting the desire for that relief is hard enough without having to face the consequences without even the short term relief!

We might have another option, if I've read the legislation right there may be an area where he could get help due to the longterm nature of this. If I can get D to tell his doctor his past, all the bloody secrets he's only told me I'm 80% sure they would have to help. D has clues all the way through his med notes from childhood I'm sure of it - he's been dealing with anxiety from the time he has memory of life.

It's one hell of a longshot! But perhaps the end result is more relevent than treating addiction as the priamary cause of everything else. I don't think this started with drinking, I don't think drinking has ever been the primary problem - not that that gave him any protection over dependency, he ended up with both.

He's stopped drinking, I think I'd rather lose the house and him be treated for the other stuff than have him pretend he's drinking so that hopefully the other stuff will be dealt with alongside addiction.

Dammit - he deserves the dignity and pride in having done so bloody well!!

((((Equus))))

You and I know that this doesn't have muich to do with drinking at all. And you are right, if he doesn't tell the docs everything, then he has no hope in getting any treatment. If I had a fall and went in to the docs complaining of a headache and didn't tell them that I'd been passing out, seeing strange objects and being sick, then would they investigate for concussion?

Thanks for the sentiment Jazz, but if it was possible to take the weekend off from it - we'd take a whole week off, in fact we'd just take from now on off and he wouldn't need any treatment.

It effects his life and mine everyday, day in, day out, there's no break. We had a day walking last week, somewhere easy that didn't make him feel like he'd fail. He asked me if I would drive because he hasn't driven for a month and is getting anxious about that too, we had to ask friends to take our dogs, and half the walk was avoiding crowded paths. It was a lovely day - but not a day where we didn't have to think about it.

He's said enough for his doc to know but maybe not enough to get the past taken into account. It's a huge thing to ask of him though - if it was me I think I would refuse and try and sort it myself, but he's braver than me so fingers crossed!!

Hey
No wise words, just wanted youto know I've been reading all this over the past couple of months and thinking of you, just haven't had time to write anything.
The health service stinks sometimes. There just doesn't seem to be much joined up thinking when it comes to mental health, or addiction problems.
I hope you find a way of working it out.

You know, taking your head on a holiday for a while isn't a bad idea. Everyone needs some respite from stuff like this, if even for a couple of hours in the cinema. Kinky boots is funny, and if you go on a wednesday it's 2 for 1.

But don't take treacle toffees, we got stared at for crinkling the wrappers.

Jane
xxxx

It's okay, I don't expect everyone to keep writing back. I'm just venting and maybe it'll make one of our many guests or members know they aren't alone.

The cinema is in town and is crowded, we watch DVD's!! But we do take that time wherever and whenever we can. We set aside lots of time for just cuddles and a film.

(((equus))) just wanted you to know that i am thinking about you & D!!!!

D has agreed to write a letter to his doc with his past history!!

He's going to do it with me because I can jog his memory about stuff that might need to go in. We've talked about it causing friction because I'll probably want him to include more than he wants to but it's better than breaking his confidence and going behind his back.

It'll be a hard weekend going through that lot - it's not the sort of stuff I'd readily suggest dredging up without any support but it's probably the only sane way to get help. I just can not ask him to pretend he's drinking.

Cwohio - I know you think of us and it makes a load of difference. Thank you all so much for giving this your time and thoughts. Without this place and my best mate I would feel very alone with this.

You're all such good people - I hope you know that!

And so are you!!!!! :hug:

Equus -

My ex was having trouble getting into a detox center. Our doctor told him to LIE to get in. She told him to say he was thinking of suicide and he got in because they couldn't refuse him because of the liability issue. You have tried over and over to do it right. If this is the only way and D really wants the help, lying to save himself can't be all bad.

Jo

Nothing to say...but I wanted you to know I'm thinking of you and D and I wish you both nothing but the best. I hope you (he) finds the care that he needs. Both of you are incredible.

His doc, D and I don't think the alcohol hospital is ideal anyway - it's something but far from ideal, especially as he isn't drinking.

I agree to lie to get help isn't a crime but it isn't something I would ask of someone else. D is proud of having stopped his drinking andhe's proud that no matter how hard things have got for him he's never wanted to give in and kill himself - even when he would wish he'd never woken up to see another day. Some truths are important to a person at a deep level and I wouldn't want the responsibility for asking him to change these things.

He started a bullet point list for his letter to the doctor last night. It was hard for me to read, there's just so much never treated, never complained about. I'm very lucky to have him today, I'm lucky he had the strength and stubborness to have never given up.

We'll try what we're doing then see what happens before plan B I think.

Thanks to everyone again for all your care - this would be so much harder without it.