D has agreed to write a letter to his doc with his past history!!

He's going to do it with me because I can jog his memory about stuff that might need to go in. We've talked about it causing friction because I'll probably want him to include more than he wants to but it's better than breaking his confidence and going behind his back.

It'll be a hard weekend going through that lot - it's not the sort of stuff I'd readily suggest dredging up without any support but it's probably the only sane way to get help. I just can not ask him to pretend he's drinking.

Cwohio - I know you think of us and it makes a load of difference. Thank you all so much for giving this your time and thoughts. Without this place and my best mate I would feel very alone with this.

You're all such good people - I hope you know that!

And so are you!!!!! :hug:

Equus -

My ex was having trouble getting into a detox center. Our doctor told him to LIE to get in. She told him to say he was thinking of suicide and he got in because they couldn't refuse him because of the liability issue. You have tried over and over to do it right. If this is the only way and D really wants the help, lying to save himself can't be all bad.

Jo

Nothing to say...but I wanted you to know I'm thinking of you and D and I wish you both nothing but the best. I hope you (he) finds the care that he needs. Both of you are incredible.

His doc, D and I don't think the alcohol hospital is ideal anyway - it's something but far from ideal, especially as he isn't drinking.

I agree to lie to get help isn't a crime but it isn't something I would ask of someone else. D is proud of having stopped his drinking andhe's proud that no matter how hard things have got for him he's never wanted to give in and kill himself - even when he would wish he'd never woken up to see another day. Some truths are important to a person at a deep level and I wouldn't want the responsibility for asking him to change these things.

He started a bullet point list for his letter to the doctor last night. It was hard for me to read, there's just so much never treated, never complained about. I'm very lucky to have him today, I'm lucky he had the strength and stubborness to have never given up.

We'll try what we're doing then see what happens before plan B I think.

Thanks to everyone again for all your care - this would be so much harder without it.