cassiek9

I'm 21. My parents are both alcoholics. I don't touch alcohol anymore because I can't stop once I do. My dad, who brought me up, started drinking heavily a few years ago. After not touching alcohol, all my life. Anyway, after a year, the doctor told him he had sirosis to the liver.. And if he drank again he would die, or something along those lines. So a couple years went by, he had a couple more incidents where he quit and his girlfriend of 12 years would take him back, thinking he was done. This last one, a few days ago, she said she's done with him forever. My dad told me that he was going to go stay with his sister, yesterday, and she picked him up from the greyhound. Today she called 9-1-1 and they came out and took him, saying he has heart problems now as well. A murmer? From drinking?

My only question, is why? Why does he keep lying to me and everyone around him? Why did he choose to lose his girlfriend of 12 years over drinking? I can't help crying, and this is triggering me to want to drink myself to death too. I can't imagine losing him. Allanon was recommended, but I guess I'm afraid. Feeling helpless is the worst part.

elizabeth1979

Hi Cassiek,

Its the nature of the diseease that allows an alcoholic to continue to abuse alcohol despite negative consequences. The alcoholic in my life (boyfriend) has chosen jail, homelessness, losing jobs, losing family, losing me, and his health over sobriety.

Its a sad diesase, but Sober Recovery really is a great place for support. There are alot of people here who understand

Sarah Elizabeth

quietsins

hi Cassie "hugs"

go to alanon and you will find that all you can help is yourself. we cant cure them. we just cant.. all the love in the world wont cure them until and if they are wanting to be cured.

i walked away from my relationship of three plus years and left behind a beautiful young man who is in the same situation you are. his dad is throwing it all away.. and there is nothing any of us can do. God is the only answer.. and God will help them when and if they want help.

you need support... you need to talk to people who understand the feelings you have... talk to a counselor.. or alanon.. talk to someone.. please. its important you realize that life is a beautiful thing. absolutely beautiful.

"hugs"
quietsins

cassiek9

Thanks everyone for this community and being so understanding. There is nothing that can be done for him. He is going against doctor's orders again, that leaving can cause death. I don't know why I want to keep knowing what he's going through. Elizabeth, wow... Jail, homelessness, and losing everything. This has to be the most powerfully destructive disease known. I can't believe it's happening to the most important person in my life, after he brought me up so well.

I can't walk into a store without seeing the Christmas ornaments and decorations and just remembering the best times of my life, and the person who made it possible never enjoying them again. Much less with me. We were so incredibly close, I really don't want to live once he's finally succeeded in killing himself. He's gone. That's it.

Really, though, if they don't want help then what? I just want to SCREAM some sense into him. And tell him what he did to his girlfriend. What he's doing to the rest of his family. How much he's hurting me. He's a smart person. This just can't be happening. There has to be a way.

I think it's time for me to try and figure out how to get help.

Minx1969

Cassie -

Please do get help immediately..Hurting yourself (it that's your intention) is not an option..really..Life can be wonderful..it just takes time and recovery..

my older brother (also and alcoholic/addict) killed himself because of this disease...

the pain he left behind in those of us who are still around is incredible..

I am so sorry about your dad..But there is plenty of help for you..Alanon has been great for me...

And yes..this is a horrible disease..

reader

Hi Cassie, I am very sorry you are going through this. My uncle like your father continued to drink even though he had been to the dr. and knew his liver was failing. He got sober 2 years before he almost died. At that point he was lucky enough to be saved with a liver transplant. My father also died when I was 16 of congestive heart failure as a result of alcoholism. I wish I had some answers for you but quiting is only something he can do. I know it is hard to watch someone you love suffer with this. The only thing you can do is let him know you love him and will be supportive. I know it is hard but try to focus on the good things in your life and don't use alcohol to mask this pain. Keep coming back here, read and share your experiences. I pray, it does help deal with troubles that are out of your control. Take Care, Kerry

equus

At 21 you've been through so much and in leaving the alcohol behind you've shown so much strength and guts - there's a part of you that's VERY VERY strong. Getting some help will just make that process inside easier for you to live through. I guess as your Dad brought you up he was part of what instilled that self respect in you despite what's happened in recent years, that's not such a bad thing to do with a life.

I know the feeling of wanting to scream some sense into someone - I think probably everyone does here, it's so human to make it louder when it seems someone can't hear! But you have to also live your life too - because it's so valuable and precious and you have your own things to give, learn, have and share.

It's not about volume or anger, someone with a lot of sense once told me strong words are when the heart and mouth speak the same language. However loud you shout if it's just in anger and at someone who you really love then the heart and mouth can't speak the same language and what you say becomes weak.

If you can be true to YOUR heart and YOUR life you'll be able to have the strongest words of all. That may not change someone else's decisions, not even someone you love but it will bring you some peace.

Sorry to write so much sloppy stuff but your post is so incredible, what you have lived with so young and your wisdom in your own decision with alcohol. Most people at 40 would struggle to be as wise - I don't know that I will ever be.

Take so much care of yourself - you really are someone special.

Soul Catcher

I think that's the hardest pill to swallow is to know you are completly and utterly helpless. I hope the good Lord is more tolerant then we are.

gelfling

You got the memories. Hang on to them. They'll help you through the tough times. Please remember that the disease makes them do things they never would have considered in the past.

As so many have said, you should get support for yourself. You're 21. You're a baby. You've got so much life ahead of you and getting help will help you live those long wonderful years as a happy and healthy person.

Blessings