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Old 10-16-2005, 10:45 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Hi Bonbon,

None of this is your fault.

((((((((((((((((Hugs and Prayers to you and your daughter))))))))))))))))))))).

When my sons Dad passed away I looked into Rainbow gRoups for children going through crisis.

1-800- 266-3206 or www.rainbows.org to find out where they are in your area.

The book I got is "Healing the hurt, Restoring the Hope."

Kids handle death a lot better than we do and the best thing to do for a child is be honest with all the way through the crisis.

Ngaire
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Old 10-16-2005, 11:01 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Bonbon, I am so, so sorry for your loss and for your daughter's loss. I will say a prayer for your family today.
God Bless..I just wish I knew something to say that would ease your pain..
Hopefloats
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Old 10-16-2005, 11:53 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Bonbon,

I read your post at 5 a.m. my time and have reread it several times since. I didn't know what to say. What can anyone say? Be strong and know that you will continue to be for you and your little girl.

My heart and prayers go out to you.

Brammy
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Old 10-16-2005, 12:07 PM
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Oh dear BonBon,

There is nothing I can say except I am so sorry it ended this way for your daughter, you and for him.

Know I am surrounding all of you with love and prayers now and in the days to come.

May you find peace and understanding you need soon so the happy times and happy memories will replace the sad.
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Old 10-16-2005, 05:43 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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I am sorry for your loss

Originally Posted by bonbon
I for the most part have tried to keep the thoughts out of my head that if I only had helped him when he asked, if I only gave him a lift to get job applications. He maybe would have gotten his head on a little bit better and gotten a job. Maybe wouldnt have been at that get together.

I love him, always have. always will. Right now you guys I just cant believe hes gone. I feel like I was mean to him. But I know he knew deep down why I was. Where my anger and pain came from.
Bonbon,

My deepest sincerest condolence to you, your daughter and all who love this man you speak about ...

I know deep down in your heart you know that there was nothing you could have done for him (that you hadn't already tried over and over with no success) but when things of this nature happen we tend to look back and see all the what if's, if only's, maybe if's, I could have's, I should have's and then maybe He would of ... It wasn't your battle ... It was his ... and you were not the one that needed to fight ... He was ... More than likely if you had given him a lift to get apps for a job and say he did get the job (if he wasn't clean) he would have just used the money to purchase more of his drug(s) of choice or the job would have fallen prey to his addiction.

I completely understand your thoughts because I had the very same ones dancing around in my own mind when I found out that my husband lost his life to his methamphetamine addiction, he was also a alcoholic and a hardcore pot smoker (we were separated because of his addiction) ...

He died a year ago today, but I didn't find out until Feb 9th of this year because we live in different states and the authorities didn't know he had a wife and three children. Our oldest daughter was living in Colorado at the time of his death and she was the one that the authorities contacted and told her .. she called me and told me .. I will never forget her words: "Mom, Dad died" I can remember the horrible feeling that took over my entire body ... and when I found out that his addiction was the culprit it about killed me ... This was the very thing that when we were together that I tried to keep from happening ... and once we separated I never stopped hoping that someday he would overcome ... and now there I was hearing that all hope of that ever happening was now all gone ... and talk about the heartbreak you feel in your heart to hear of such a senseless death ... one that could have been prevented 'if only' he had wanted recovery more than he wanted meth.

It broke my heart to know that the chance for my kids to get to know their father was gone ... I had hoped that oneday they would get to meet him face to face and on that day they would either embrace him with love or confront him with how because of his addiction and his absence in their lives affected them ... That will can never happen now.

To know that there will be no more calls from him, no more popping up out of nowhere, no more chances for him to have a decent life shattered my heart.

We all know only to well that living life as an addict and or alcoholic isn't any kind of life at all ... and maybe the healing that we hoped for them didn't come to pass while they were here on this earth ... so God called them home and healed them upon arrival ... They are free now ... no more pain, no more suffering ... a divine healing through and through ... and now they are with the Father in Heaven and on the day the Lord calls us home .. We will see them again ...

Last breath on earth ... First breath with our Lord.

May God Comfort you and your little girl

You both will be in my prayers,
Passion
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Old 10-16-2005, 07:51 PM
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i am sorry for your loss. my prayers are for you & your daughter.
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Old 10-17-2005, 12:14 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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(((bonbon)))

My thoughts are with you and your daughter. No matter what has happened on a personal level, none of us want something like this to happen.

Don't know whether you have seen the Grief and Loss forum - it might help when you need to write. Of course, you can post here too, support is support.
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Old 10-17-2005, 06:32 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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Sorry for the loss to you and your daughter. I hope you know it is not your fault. It is hard to do, but please believe it.
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Old 10-17-2005, 07:22 AM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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I am sorry for your loss, My thoughts and prayers will be with you and your family.
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Old 10-17-2005, 07:48 AM
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Bonbon - so sorry this has happened. I'm glad you found some photos - I almost held my breath till you said you'd found them.

Take it easy on yourself....
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Old 10-17-2005, 08:11 AM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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Blessings to you and your daughter as you travel through this difficult period.

I am terrified of waking up to a similar phone call one day. I can only imagine the turmoil you must feel, that is completely normal as a phase of grieving.

((((hugs))))
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Old 10-17-2005, 08:36 AM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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Bonbon, I Am So Very Sorry. I Will Keep You, Your Daughter And Ex In My Prayers!
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Old 10-17-2005, 09:09 AM
  # 33 (permalink)  
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Prayers to you and your daughter.....
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Old 10-17-2005, 11:23 AM
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BonBon, just a note to let you know I am still sending prayers and love your way.

I heard this one liner on an al-anon speakers tape from a mother who lossed 3 or 4 sons to the disease of alcoholism and drugs. I hope it will help you.

"God didn't take your ex, he recieved him."
The one thing within our power to change even with a death is our attidude about it and what happened. In my Higher Power's world there are no mistakes, only situations and questions. I can't see the whole road map only my path for today.

Praying your path for today is peaceful.
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Old 10-17-2005, 12:46 PM
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(((((Bonbon)))))) -

I am so sorry for your loss..I am sending prayers your way...

I too remember the feeling of relief when my brother died..(he committed suicide because of this disease)...For me it was a "well..now I don't have to take care of him anymore"...It's been 6 years for me and I don't feel any guilt anymore..

I think that what you are feeling are probably a natural reaction..There is nothing we can do to save our loved ones..That is what I hate about this disease!!

Be gentle with yourself...
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Old 10-17-2005, 07:31 PM
  # 36 (permalink)  
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((( Bonbon! )))

Just dump that guilt here and don't hang onto it for another second. You can only give help where it's wanted. You and your daughter are in my heart.

Hugs,
Smoke
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Old 10-17-2005, 09:03 PM
  # 37 (permalink)  
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Its been a blur the past couple of days. Had no choice about going to work today, was a very long day while I was there, but my mind was off somewhere else. Our daughter is taking it with ups and downs. It is hard to predict from one minute to the next what she will say or do. She has been asking alot of questions and I have just been totally honest with her. I feel like thats the best way to go. i let her make up her mind if she felt like going to school today, she decided she wanted to stay with her grandmother today...(his mom) and she did well there today with everyone visiting and all of that. I have taken tomorrow off, I am just pretty much stuck in a fog it feels like. A fog I know will lift eventually, but I know for now its ok to feel like that. Or it feels comfortable...so its where I am.
This is making me walk through the past in remembering him, all the good and bad times. I tell the little one she can talk to her daddy at night and he will listen to her. I know I am rambling quite a bit here, but I feel like I have been living just minute to minute.
Reading here today brought me alot of peace. A sense of security among all the pain. Thank you truly isnt enough to tell you guys. For now, I need some rest.

Many hugs
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Old 10-18-2005, 06:41 AM
  # 38 (permalink)  
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Sorry for your loss,,
Your daughter will do fine, it sounds like she has a very wise mom that knows you just deal as best as you can.
This is a difficult time, it all seems to go by so fast,, and it seems as though you're in a fog.. I believe it's gods way of helping us get through those first tough days, week..
Again, sorry for your loss, there was nothing you could have done..
As I read in another post above, thanks for reminding me where my life will go if I choose to go back out there..
God Bless you and your daughter,,
Love
Becky
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Old 10-18-2005, 06:50 AM
  # 39 (permalink)  
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bonbon - you are a wise woman - i pray for peace for you and comfort in the coming days!
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Old 10-20-2005, 09:19 AM
  # 40 (permalink)  
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BonBon,

As always sending love and prayers dailey.
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