Is it helping or hurting?
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
What did I start....of course this thread is for F&F of alcoholics...this reminds me of something Cicero said:I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant."
Please let's not get too heated up over this...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Where the sun always shines!
Posts: 1,625
We have got to stop hi-jacking and we get back to the topic at hand? Though it is good to respond to anothers post, I think jumping to the wrong conclusion about what someone is saying and taking over another's thread is wrong.
Sorry.....guess I need my Mt. Dew.
Sorry.....guess I need my Mt. Dew.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,579
I went back to the original post; we did seem to take the "scenic route"..hit a lot of interesting subjects, but I see your point,Jessica!
So; where were we....enabling. Wow; now that IS a subject. THAT is what got me to where I became willing to get here; and of course, I did not see it, even when I "knew" about it; and truthfully, I am sure I probably am still doing some enabling right now....though I am trying to walk that fine line between compassion-courtesy-kindness-enabling ............it gets so problematic now that my A is progresssing in his disease and becoming more and more self-centered and selfish. There were many years when he truly was generous and giving for no other "reason" than because he was a loving, giving person; not giving to "get". I don't want my anger at situations to withhold as a counter to enabling. Does that make sense? I want not to enable, in a loving manner; to the A AND to myself.
The guidelines are helpful. Isn't this the balance we are striving for? Isn't this where we started. Enable ourselves to live a healthy balance?
So; where were we....enabling. Wow; now that IS a subject. THAT is what got me to where I became willing to get here; and of course, I did not see it, even when I "knew" about it; and truthfully, I am sure I probably am still doing some enabling right now....though I am trying to walk that fine line between compassion-courtesy-kindness-enabling ............it gets so problematic now that my A is progresssing in his disease and becoming more and more self-centered and selfish. There were many years when he truly was generous and giving for no other "reason" than because he was a loving, giving person; not giving to "get". I don't want my anger at situations to withhold as a counter to enabling. Does that make sense? I want not to enable, in a loving manner; to the A AND to myself.
The guidelines are helpful. Isn't this the balance we are striving for? Isn't this where we started. Enable ourselves to live a healthy balance?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Jasper, GA
Posts: 239
Truly sorry to continue the hijack, but while I have responded to private messages, I have no idea how to initiate one, so...
FoB, if you will re-read the post, you will find that there is no blanket statement. I spoke clearly of some meetings, not all...and no...old timers, in either AlAnon or AA do not always set things straight, because sometimes the meeting has degenerated into that kind of meeting in general and no one but those that buy into those meetings attend...I know, I've visited some of them, again both AlAnon and AA, and the only folks there were, in the AlAnon case, the "bitch session" folks, and in the AA case, the "poor, poor me" folks.
I never said that all AlAnon or AA meetings were that way...or even most of them, but SOME are, and if you have never been in one like that you are indeed fortunate.
BubbaBob
End of hijack, regardless of responses.
Originally Posted by FriendofBill
To make such a hostile, blanket statement in this forum is offensive.....especially in a thread that was designed to enlightened the family members about thier negative enabling contribution to the alcoholic.
I never said that all AlAnon or AA meetings were that way...or even most of them, but SOME are, and if you have never been in one like that you are indeed fortunate.
BubbaBob
End of hijack, regardless of responses.
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