CodeMaster

Pmaslan thread inspired me to write this. Its been on my heart for a week.
Remember my healthy friend here? She was talking with me and asked about the craziness of all of my relationship, when reviewing them, they were all pretty insane but they had one thing in common which drove the madness, my need to feel needed, to find needy people and when that need was leaving, I always went crazy.

She said thats not love, even though you spent so much time with your ex, I never loved her, and she never loved me . She said its not even likly she'll beg ya back again, even though she knows I desire that.

I dont know if I shared, but she did call, twice.... I didnt pick up the phone both times, a bit too scared to. She said she needed help finding with rental approval in the voicemail, sometimes I wonder if that was her way of calling to reconnect cause she has a lot of strong resources to ask help from including family, friends, rehab, her groups she doesnt need me. I dont know, but its probably better I dont try to find out either.

Thing is, when my healthy friend told me this, it really hit me. Funny thing is, this forum has told me this since the first day I got here. I didnt believe or understand it, and even till today I keep wondering how much I should trust the advice taught from Al-Anon, who knows, maybe its secretly just a business driven gig to take advantage of hurt people. I have a hard time trusting anyone if you didnt notice.

But the fact it came from someone who has never been to AA, AlAnon, or this forum or any experience with alcoholism / drugs, really hit me. Cause she is unbiased, I ... trust her, and she said it makes sense now why I keep missing her.

Its not cause I miss the love, its cause I never had a person need me so deeply for so long. She said I've never experienced love yet, and I had to hold back tears when she said that.

On the other hand, it allowed me to understand more of what this forum has shared with me, and it allowed me to trust the teachings even more.

Its really sad I think, but lifes been so blessful sometimes I find myself just laughing at happy thoughts half the day.

I'm going to Taiwan this Christmas, and I am happy to say I even have a date thats excited to see me. She's really pretty, and ... yea, sexy! Miniskirt!!! She likes to do a lot of what I like to do, so I hope we can have a lot of fun there. I cant wait to see my family, my sister, my aunt and sleep with my old dog again! I love it when I go back, my dog is so happy to see me, she cant wait to lie on my chest at night and its really something special. Its getting old, and sometimes I wonder if I should reevaluate my goals of earning money to spending more time in Taiwan. I could possibly earn money there just as well, and same time, spend more time with family and my lil dog.

I just wanted to share whats been on my heart, its about 6 months since real no contact with my ex, what a trip and to see others go through the same thing at the same time blows me away.

I wish all the best, love always.

minnie

Code, it really all depends on how you define love - I think we all use that word but all have a different understanding. It sounds like there was a major dose of need in there with your ex and I think your friend is right on the money. Btw, is this friend of yours single?

Glad to hear you're getting back to Taiwan. Will be great to spend the holidays with your family.

Take care.

cwohio

great post code - thanks for sharing with us - you have a way of writing that "speaks" - it's not just words, you lay it all out there and that's something that lots can't do. sounds like you are at peace for the moment and looking forward to the trip to Taiwan. glad to hear your date likes miniskirts LOL

Cynay

Hey Code....

I agree with Minnie.... depends on your defination of the word Love.

My ex-ah really does nothing for my daughter, he does not spend time with her, he did not send a card on her birthday... etc.. but you know what, I know in my heart he loves her. Just not the way she needs to be loved.

I think on a whole we are not taught how to love healthy, and many confuse need with love... That is not to say she did not love you, or you did not love her... that is to say it was not healthy.

My ex-abf was a toxic love for me ... and I think in the end I was for him too.... Its not that I did not love him, its that by the end of the relationship my love was not healthy and was harmful to both of us.

pmaslan

Code, it is so good to hear you talk like this. I have to admit I was getting rather worried about you in the past few weeks. Great post......

sunshinebluesky

ooooooooooohhhhhhh, the whole subject of "love" has been giving me a headache.and i got a small one now.... ill write something here later,when i can think clearer!!!!

but nice goin,code!! glad to see you really are on track!!!

Savana 54

(((code)))

Sounds like you're are thinking a lot more clearer! I was also worried about your other few posts. I hope you can keep going in the direction you're at.

Take care,
Savana

CodeMaster

I got some calls from this healthy girl I met in LA, well, healthy at least doesnt like any drugs even alcohol much from what I know of her so far, and the girl in Taiwan I dont know very well but at least I look forward to company when I'm there. I am finding it a lot easier to get over the rave girls when I meet just as hot healthy girls! Thats a good start I think!

Anyhow, the LA friends invitation to the rave party never got back to me, so I think my friend in LA couldnt make it to the rave and so I told them I wouldnt go unless they could. I'm glad I didnt have to tell them I cant go.

For now, I'm busy as hell with work and life is going great, I'm happy, I dont want to do anything to screw it up anymore!

Have a great weekend all, and thanks!

cwohio

so glad you are happy code! keep walking forward!

CatsTail

Codemaster,

When your ex called asking for help it was a way of hooking you back in. Good for you for not taking the calls.

Is your healthy friend single?

Ngaire

CodeMaster

Thanks for those words, I really wonder about those calls...

My healthy friend is single, we get along really well, thing is I like her a lot but not to make a girlfriend, she has expressed she is interested in me for dating but I told her I'm kind of just wanting to chill or play around for now. Though a lot of people around me that met her always wonder why I dont date her cause they all think she's great and I'll tell ya she is... we're both sort of attached to each other I think now, but yet I dont really want to date so...