twice is nice

Hi everyone,

Well, my A has been drunk for almost one week now and last night his sponsor had him admitted to the hospital. I wasn't here but I guess he was in really bad shape. I had taken him in the night before but they wouldn't keep him for insurance reasons. He had labs done and he now has some liver involvement. He's only 32 years old. He's going to kill himself if he doesn't quit.
I'm speaking to an attorney tonight to try and get some answers so I can make some decisions about my life. It's so hard. I know he loves me so much and it will be horrible to actually leave but I just can't live this way anymore. Has anyone been in my shoes, left and had their A get sober after that? Maybe it will save his life. I don't know. I'm scared he might just get worse because he's going to be so depressed. I just keep praying for strength and guidance. Thanks for listening.

Hangin' In

Twice,

I haven't been in your shoes, but my best friend was in your shoes. I can only tell you what happened with her, but you know that doesn't mean your life will following the same pattern.

She lived years with her alcoholic husband. Finally had enough and started thinking of divorce. She informed her husband and he finally said he would get some help, but we both knew he was only doing it cause he was seeing he was going to lose his wife and son. Sounded like a great idea, but we all knew it was NOT of his own doing, but more of being backed in a corner.

Well, sure enough, he went into treatment, came out and continued his drinking ways. I don't say this to be negative regarding your situation. I just say it because unless the A decides he wants to be better, it's not going to happen.

My friend went through with her divorce and her ex husband is still drinking himself to his grave. It's sad that even the threat of loss of his family couldn't wake him up.

And I'm happy to report my friend found a wonderful guy and has remarried. The ex is still haunting her life though. Her son went to spend Thanksgiving at his dad's new wife's family's house. When he went to pick up his dad, he was SO DRUNK. Oh the pain that EVERYONE goes through. Breaks my heart for my friend and her son. The very sad part is even though she divorced him, his drinking IS STILL affecting them and always will in a way.

JT

Welcome,

What you need to remember is that whether you go or stay he will continue to do what he wants to do. Until he has hit his bottom he will not be in enough pain to change his life. He may very well use your leaving as an excuse to continue using. Or he may promise to quit in exchange for your promise to stay.

You have not made your decision yet. See your attorney, do some soul searching and make your decision knowing that what you have now may be all you ever have. Can you live with him the way he is now forever? Or even for 5 more years?

In the end the choice is yours...base it on you, not him.

Hugs,
JT

deedee

Twice is Nice -

Twenty-two years ago I left my alcoholic husband ... not to force him to get sober, but because I couldn't live that way anymore and leaving was the right choice for me. We went through a trial separation, got back together, but nothing had changed, you know?

When I first left, it was hard for both of us. For myself, the problems were largely financial and the stress of being a single parent to a 1 year old and a 3 year old. And yes, I did feel guilty, because he was terribly unhappy with my decision and he did continue his downward spiral for several more years. But I had waited until I was ready to make the decision I did and I have no regrets that it was the right decision for me.

By the grace of God and the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, he has been sober almost 20 years.


hugs,

deedee

twice is nice

Thanks you guys....

My husband has been in detox for 2 days and they're keeping him another day. Good for me--I don't even want him home. He called me today sounding all down and I had to bite my tongue not to just go off on him. He wants to know about the kids and I told him he hasn't cared about the kids for the past month. He doesn't know anything thats going on in their lives. I told him he wasn't going to get any sympathy from me either. He made the choice to not work his program so the consequences are his to bear. I also had a message from his boss and HR wanting to speak to him immediately. He's probably getting canned. I feel trapped. I'm out here in California with 9 month twins and no support. I can't afford to get a place on my own. He suggested going to a sober living home for awhile. Maybe that's a great idea! I'm just at the point where I don't even know if that would work for me. Do I want this marriage anymore?? That's the question. The drinking has just pushed me away and his lack of responsibility makes my respect for him nothing anymore. Can you get the love and intimacy back???? I haven't wanted to be near him for the past few months and don't know if that will change. I just keep praying for courage and guidance so that I can make the right decisions for myself.

RedAPBT

Welcome to the forum twice

I was in your shoes many years back - 1986 to be xact was a very abusive and destructive relationship.. JT is right - he will continue to do what he wants to do until he has hit his bottom - not ours.

I too am in CA and I understand about the cost of living here.

This is a great place to talk - and chat so keep on posting.

I will put you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

K~

Live

no one has mentioned al-anon meetings yet?

Ann

Ahem...oops...nice call liveweyered.

Definitely get thee to a meeting. Call Al-Anon and find our where and when the next meeting is and get yourself there no matter what. Don't think twice - just go. I promise you that you will be glad you did. You will find support and people there who have been where you are and who can help you work the steps and also work out how you will live if he can't support you.

You are worth the effort and your life may depend on it.