susane1408

Hi everyone,
P's on his 13th week now, he's been working on a contract for the past 4 weeks. We've been in constant contact on the phone and I know from the tone of his voice and the content of our conversations that he is doing well.
Why am I nervous?
Because he's just rung to say he'll be home tomorrow, the contract has hit a quiet period for a few days.
It's not that he's coming home( that's wonderful!) it's that this is the first time he's come home since he went back to work after his relapse. Most of you know what happened the last time. He's not been in any situation that would cause the same thing to happen again but I'm getting the jitters thinking about it.
I need to get myself out of the jitters so's I can enjoy having P home for a while.
Any idea's ?

reader

I tend to be a nervous nellie. I do deep breathing excersizes. Try a mantra whether out loud or mentally. Find a statement that is calming. One day at a time or this to shall pass.
Maybe you or somepeople think this is kooky but it does work. All I can suggest if being supportive of your H without being overprotective. I know in the beginning of my H's soberity I tried to keep the home life stress free. It was too much pressure on me. I know
let him work his own program and let the chips fall where they may. I wish him continued recovery and you great happiness. Tak Care, Enjoy its about the journey! With love, Kerry

susane1408

Thank you Reader for taking the time to give me your thoughts and wishes, I really appreciate it.

I'm feeling so tearful today, don't know what's wrong with me. It can't be hormones; I'm on HRT for goodness sake!
I haven't felt this down since P was at his sickest, he's full of the joys of spring on the phone this evening and I feel like the world is coming to an end.
I just don't get it, I hope to God I can shake myself out of this, it's just not me at all.

minnie

Oh, hon, I missed this for some reason - sorry!!

Are you playing the "what if" game? I hope not.

And I can't help noticing that we're both up very late - are you getting enough sleep?

(((hugs)))

Cynay

Im sorry I did not respond sooner.

Dont do the what if, and dont worry about his recovery ... that is his to worry about. You just need to worry about you sweets. I agree are you sleeping enough? Can you take a time out before seeing him and do something a little naughty in anticipation of his coming home??? Maybe do something that lets him know how proud you are of the hard work he is doing??

That might take the focus off the scared... we only have today, we are promised nothing more then what is given us right now so dont waste your thoughts on what might happen and just enjoy what is given right now..... and right now your husband who you love is coming home and he is sober!

susane1408

Sorry guy's, trying to respond, these damn tear's are getting in the way! getting really annoyed with my self; I'm always saying "count your blessings" to people. I should listen to myself more!
Sleep patterns have been a bit eratic but I've been fine up until today.

cwohio

((susane)) - it's so easy to get into the "what if's" like minnie said - you just can't go there. one minute at a time and do try to get some sleep - that will make you feel worse if you're not getting it!

equus

Hey Susane - join the club, sometimes counting blessings work - other times it sort of works but doesn't stop you crying!!

We're not nuts - it is hard, sometimes hard enough to make us cry. I reckon it's not the crying that counts it's what happens out the other side when it stops.

Personally pouring the whole kaboodle out on here helps me - maybe give that a whirl? It doesn't matter whether it's all correct or just dotty tearful thinking (at least it still helps me when it's dotty!). Everyone's here to listen and tomorrow you get a giant cuddle to boot!

susane1408

It's payback time for letting myself wallow in "what ifs"!! instead of getting stuff ready to have a good time with P.

The fellas from the cavity wall insulation company are crawling a over the house! they had an unexpected cancellation and got me out of bed to ask if they could do ours instead. Hopefully they'll be done by lunchtime when P gets home!
I'm going to take a leaf out of Equus' book and draw up a plan of action with P for if and when he gets himself into a state of wanting to drink, that should help my peace of mind.
And I'm going to do more for me too! my self-esteem has dropped quite a bit while P's been away; I've let myself down and I intend picking my self up.
Thanks every-one for caring

equus

Our plan has been SO important. Before he drank we knew it was there, like someone having planned an escape route if there was a fire. After he drank I honestly think it played a large part in it not slipping straight back into a daily thing.

Pick your moment though Susane, and maybe ring the drinkline for some counselling advice first. I was shocked at the emotions it brought up in the pair of us. I think to do it you have to do it for real which meant D had to think, talk and plan in the way he knows he does once he decides to drink. The toughest bit for me was him facing what we'd do if he made the decision to try to drink moderately - one of his biggest routes into relapse. It wouldn't have worked if he'd just said 'I won't ever do that again' or if he'd said 'Don't let me'. Our plan is personal to us but for that we decided that if he was set to try it he could but only under the supervision and guidance from APAS - or another alcohol help place, and that if he can't keep within what they set then he needs to let it go.

Recently I must admit I can't see him saying he wants to try drinking moderately again but we were told to be guided purely by previous behaviour and that's always been his route back.

Seriously - it was the best thing we could ever have done BUT we had a fair bit of proffessional input before we tried and even then it was extremely hard. I couldn't recomend it without getting some proper advice first - it's spooky and emotional.

Here's a link to the thread I posted about it in the Alcoholism forum. It got a slightly different slant from the one here and I reckon it would be worth a look.
Planning a relapse

susane1408

Thanks E, I think it's going to take some very careful thinking 1st for both of us and a bit of research.
Alcohol has such a rapid and devastating effect on P and I think that the doc's really got through to him this time that he could die if it happens again; but (big but!) we all know that after a while the stuff we KNOW in our heads can get pushed aside when other 'stuff' gets in the way. We need some kind of 'lifeline' alongside what P already 'knows' about his condition. I'm waffling here but I know what I mean really just didn't get much sleep last night and the noise from the workmen is incredible!

equus

Our plan started with what happens after 1 drink. Then what happens after 1 becomes 2 etc, right down to what he'd want if he started saying 'I want to drink, I want to be drunk'. VERY SCARY!! The positive parts to the plan were things like going back to APAS (which he's done) being honest with his doc (which he's done). Obviously most of the plan I hope we never have to put into action!! Some of that included me showing him the photographic difference in him drinking and not drinking or at worst asking him to leave!!

Maybe (but research this) yours would start with what happens if he buys alcohol - before he drinks.

The other things which helped us was that it meant D could chose what treatment he would want while in his 'right mind' - that's a good thing to have tucked away!!

susane1408

This is what I want in place too! I want P to tell me what he thinks we could put into action if he "loses it" again.
Got to go now and make myself pretty! and put fresh linen on the...