SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information (
-   Friends and Family of Alcoholics (
-   -   I'm Scared (

devastated 12-05-2002 11:06 AM

I'm Scared
Hello Ladies:

I'm writing this because today I'm really scared. The girlfriend is at court house getting the restraining order. In it, she put many of the terrible things he did. I'm scared they will put him in jail even if he isn't breaking the restraining order. Is this possible? Can he be picked up if he doesn't break the order? Does anyone know the answer to that? I know I sound crazy because he has been so horrible, but God I am hoping he'll get back up and on his feet and not go to jail or worse back to prison. Please someone help with this problem? Hugs, Devastated

justbreathe 12-05-2002 12:37 PM

I guess he can be picked up if any of the things she put in there were illegal and can be proven. But in the long run, maybe jail would help him? I am not sure....... but I know that scary feeling and I am sorry to hear you are feeling that way. Believe and trust in God that things will work out the way they are meant to be!

Take care,

Live 12-05-2002 03:10 PM

I don't think that's what I'd be scared about
The police are going to do whatever they are going to do, you can't do anything about that. It's out of your hands or hers. In my small town they would probably just serve the court orders.

Do you have a plan for protecting yourselves when these papers are served? Or a plan of action if they are violated? Does he know that you are taking this course of action or will it come as a suprize? Do you know if the paper will be served by mail or in person...and when he will get them?

Questions I would wonder....


Cajun girl 12-05-2002 04:48 PM

This disease is so crazy. A part of the insanity and recovery is that they MUST take responsibility for their actions. It trully is out of your control. You CAN take care of your fear and not allow it to control your life. Let go and Let God. Pray for his HP to guide him, and you. Peace.....

Morning Glory 12-05-2002 05:21 PM


They won't pick him up for these things unless there is proof or she presses charges. If he breaks the restraining order he needs to go to jail.

If you don't enforce the restraining order he will think that he is above the law and can do what he wants. If he hurts her he will go to jail for much longer than if he goes now for violating the order. Please protect yourself when the papers are served. You should not be the one hiding her. It puts you in danger. She should go to a shelter if she needs protection.

Lets just hope that he honors the restraining order and gets on with his life. If he has a fear of jail he just may leave her alone. I would also tell him that he is to treat you with respect or you'll be forced to get a restraining order too.

We're all with you. You are not alone through this.


Alongtimegone 12-05-2002 06:14 PM

I'm with you
I felt such compassion for you when I read your post. I have an 18 year old son, and it would tear my heart apart if he was doing what your son is doing.
As far as the restraining order - please trust the advice that you have already received about a having a protection plan in place (I work in the legal field). Do what you can to protect you and your family. that has to be first and foremost at this time.
His girlfriend should go to a shelter if that's what she needs to do to be safe. There are a lot more programs and resources available now then there were back in the day when my first "A" threatened my life. There is a reason they are there. Please take advantage of everything available, and encourage his girlfriend to do the same.
I know you don't want him to go to jail, but if he continues with threatening, abusive behavior that is where he belongs. Too many women are killed by their husbands and boyfriends to ignore the seriousness of his threats.
My heart goes out to you - please keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

devastated 12-07-2002 09:47 AM

Thank you all for your really does scare me that he has now involved four different families here. I am now convinced that he has something terribly wrong with him. He has really thrown our quiet lives into a chaotic state. The child that belongs to his X girlfriend I have, as I stated before, babysat for since she was two months old...long before he even came into the picture. He was in prison (honor camp type). He was great when he was there. I thought it was the X-wife that did this to him. Well, the girlfriend came with me to visit one day and they hit it off and from that time forward they communicated. This went on for a year or so till he got out. He moved in with her and did so well...started his own business was responsible made money acquired possessions, etc. This went on for two years then he got violated for a dirty test and went away for four months. Again he came back and all was well for a few months...then he got violated again for dirty test. This time she told him he could stay there but she could not longer put up with him testing dirty. He began counseling and doctors and finally found out he was bipolar. All this time he was never a threat nor did she have any fear. He worked hard all the time. Then he began to have rages. This is when she said OUT!

My question is, now that he has done these horrible things blackmailing her trying to get her to go back with him. He has told the X-husband that he was in prison and paroled to her house. He threatens to send him the parole papers and the fact that he had been violated for drugs. Now the X-husband is probably going to try and get custody of the child. The girlfriend has had an alarm put on her home and has told neighbors to watch for his truck. She has a restraining order in place.

Does anyone know if he can take the child from her. The child is very well-adjusted, smart, does well in school. None of this has been done in front of her. He made her a wonderful haunted house for school project in October that all classes came to see. She loves him (because she doesn't know) and is waiting for him to come back for Christmas.

If anyone question her, which father has, she has nothing but good to say about him. I'm devastated to think I'll never see her again.

Can anyone out there help with these questions?

Thanks to each and every one of you for your support. I feel like such a nusance bothering everyone with my problems.

ALONGTIMEAGO: I see you're in Nevada. We have to have the restraining order served to him in Reno area. Do you know if the sheriff serves restraining orders there?

Hugs, Devastated

Alongtimegone 12-07-2002 02:31 PM

I am not sure who would serve the order here, but you can contact the Protective order Advocate at (775) 328-3468. I hope that helps. Also, make sure she keeps a journal of all his threats, contact with the ex-husband, etc. They could be of help to her in the future. I don't think she could lose custody of the child, unless the ex-husband could prove that she is not protecting her (him?).
her journal will be proof to help support that.
Is he on medication for bipolar? I ask because my "A"s giant backslide occurred after (yes after!) he was diagnosed with OCD, and was given Celexa to treat it. The Celexa excelerated his alcohol usage (and, in my opinion, mood disorders) by about 500 percent.
The psychiatrist is now interested in using his case for "statistical purposes." Like - it's no big deal the impact this has had on so many lives. When he was mixing booze and sleeping pills, I couldn't even get her to return my telephone calls, or at the very least, set an appointment to see him.

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:44 PM.