An alternative version of the 12 Steps
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An alternative version of the 12 Steps
Empowered Recovery’s Version of Al-Anon’s 12 Steps
December 2001 - Updated June 2002
Empowered Recovery is not a 12-Step program. However, there is value in looking at Al-Anon's 12 Steps through the eyes of Empowered Recovery.
The following steps were influenced by Jyude A. Allbright’s “Soul Steps.”
1. We admitted we are powerful beings, yet, are powerless over others—that our lives only appeared unmanageable.
2. Came to believe in the indomitable power of the Human Spirit; and that we already have what it takes inside of us to restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn within ourselves to connect with our rational Higher Self in order to determine positive solutions to negative circumstances.
4. Gave ourselves permission to be afraid of taking an honest moral inventory, but did so anyway in an empowered way.
5. Admitted to ourselves and others our role in contributing to a dysfunctional relationship.
6. Were entirely ready to accept personal responsibility for our lives and effect positive changes to negative circumstances within our control.
7. Humbly embraced the human right of Free Will, recognizing that only we alone can remove our shortcomings through Self-Acceptance, Self-Responsibility, and positive action.
8. Made a list of all persons we thought we harmed—beginning with ourselves first—and saw the healing power of Self-Acceptance and the willingness to make amends.
9. Made direct amends to anyone we believed we harmed so long as doing so would not harm them further, and were at peace even if our amends were not accepted.
10. Continued to take personal inventory, being careful not to assume personal responsibility for that which was not ours, and then made appropriate behavior changes as necessary.
11. Sought through deliberate inner contemplation to connect with our rational Higher Self to accept personal responsibility and change only the things we can change to the benefit of all concerned, but especially with regard to ourselves and our children.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening to the harmful effects of a codependent-alcoholic relationship, we continue to grow in self-awareness, and give back to the world by helping others to grow also.
December 2001 - Updated June 2002
Empowered Recovery is not a 12-Step program. However, there is value in looking at Al-Anon's 12 Steps through the eyes of Empowered Recovery.
The following steps were influenced by Jyude A. Allbright’s “Soul Steps.”
1. We admitted we are powerful beings, yet, are powerless over others—that our lives only appeared unmanageable.
2. Came to believe in the indomitable power of the Human Spirit; and that we already have what it takes inside of us to restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn within ourselves to connect with our rational Higher Self in order to determine positive solutions to negative circumstances.
4. Gave ourselves permission to be afraid of taking an honest moral inventory, but did so anyway in an empowered way.
5. Admitted to ourselves and others our role in contributing to a dysfunctional relationship.
6. Were entirely ready to accept personal responsibility for our lives and effect positive changes to negative circumstances within our control.
7. Humbly embraced the human right of Free Will, recognizing that only we alone can remove our shortcomings through Self-Acceptance, Self-Responsibility, and positive action.
8. Made a list of all persons we thought we harmed—beginning with ourselves first—and saw the healing power of Self-Acceptance and the willingness to make amends.
9. Made direct amends to anyone we believed we harmed so long as doing so would not harm them further, and were at peace even if our amends were not accepted.
10. Continued to take personal inventory, being careful not to assume personal responsibility for that which was not ours, and then made appropriate behavior changes as necessary.
11. Sought through deliberate inner contemplation to connect with our rational Higher Self to accept personal responsibility and change only the things we can change to the benefit of all concerned, but especially with regard to ourselves and our children.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening to the harmful effects of a codependent-alcoholic relationship, we continue to grow in self-awareness, and give back to the world by helping others to grow also.
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Join Date: May 2004
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Hi Jane!
I found this on www.empoweredrecovery.com
This is actually how I have learnt to interpret the 12 Steps for myself and it makes life so much easier. Each to their own and all that.
I found this on www.empoweredrecovery.com
This is actually how I have learnt to interpret the 12 Steps for myself and it makes life so much easier. Each to their own and all that.
Binge poster
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Boston, MA
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That site looks very very interesting. Thank you for the stimulating start to my day!
Off out to a school to be inspired by the genuine smiles on the kids' faces. Their eyes smile, it's the nicest thing.
J
xxx
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,542
Excellent! This is EXACTLY where my head is at! This is exactly how I rationalized the changes I needed to make in my life and the methodology to do so! Just never could have articulated it so well... Thanks minnie!
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This makes me wince!
segment 3: Resolution
Segment 3 is where the power behind Empowered Recovery lies: Resolution. Because of the Resolution segment, Empowered Recovery is unique and stands apart from every other non-alcoholic recovery program. Empowered Recovery doesn’t settle for a random, ambiguous, and endless discussion of techniques that serve to keep a non-alcoholic in a dysfunctional alcoholic relationship. Empowered Recovery strongly emphasizes practical steps and principles that help clear the non-alcoholic’s cloud of confusion, and empowers him or her to resolve the situation permanently.
There is simply no valid reason on earth why a non-alcoholic should endure a long-term and pointless existence in a dysfunctional alcoholic relationship when that relationship is not improving. More definitively, Empowered Recovery maintains that it is not healthy, prudent, or necessary to continue in and suffer through an abusive alcoholic relationship when the alcoholic either (1) will not take active steps to recovery; or (2) does not see the need to take active steps to recovery.
Empowered Recovery teaches the non-alcoholic problem-solving techniques and strategies to help in resolving the serious issues affecting the relationship. Empowered Recovery is not circumspect in maintaining that there is always a solution to every codependent-alcoholic relationship: (1) the alcoholic recovers; or (2) the non-alcoholic leaves the relationship. Of course, recovery of the non-alcoholic is implied and essential in either outcome.
This is not to say that Empowered Recovery promotes separation or divorce as the only solution to correcting a codependent-alcoholic relationship. Every reasonable effort should be made to heal the relationship and keep the family intact if possible (and desirable). However, to heal and correct a codependent-alcoholic relationship requires the efforts of both the alcoholic and the non-alcoholic. If the alcoholic is not interested in recovery, then there is little other choice than for the non-alcoholic to leave, lest the family be subjected to further harm or violence. No matter how strong one’s desire, love, or efforts may be, the non-alcoholic simply cannot control another person, especially an alcoholic.
Many alcoholic recovery programs teach that those affected are “powerless over alcohol.” While heated debate over this issue continues among researchers as it relates to alcoholics, Empowered Recovery strongly disagrees with this concept as it relates to the non-alcoholic. The alcoholic may or may not be “powerless over alcohol,” but the non-alcoholic is most certainly not powerless. Quite the contrary, Empowered Recovery teaches that the non-alcoholic is in the best position to correct the situation and protect the family from further harm. Furthermore, it is the non-alcoholic’s moral responsibility to do so (since the alcoholic is usually incapable). This may sound codependent at first glance, but the nature of alcoholism usually prevents the alcoholic from seeing his or her disorder as the primary agitating aspect of the family’s dysfunction. However, the non-alcoholic can see it, and is usually more agreeable and able to effect positive change within the family.
They appear to promote leaving and quite honestly the implication that Al Anon is merely about coping is tiresome. Al Anon is all about empowerment and choice.
Oh and what if that Alcoholic is your child as it is in my case??
segment 3: Resolution
Segment 3 is where the power behind Empowered Recovery lies: Resolution. Because of the Resolution segment, Empowered Recovery is unique and stands apart from every other non-alcoholic recovery program. Empowered Recovery doesn’t settle for a random, ambiguous, and endless discussion of techniques that serve to keep a non-alcoholic in a dysfunctional alcoholic relationship. Empowered Recovery strongly emphasizes practical steps and principles that help clear the non-alcoholic’s cloud of confusion, and empowers him or her to resolve the situation permanently.
There is simply no valid reason on earth why a non-alcoholic should endure a long-term and pointless existence in a dysfunctional alcoholic relationship when that relationship is not improving. More definitively, Empowered Recovery maintains that it is not healthy, prudent, or necessary to continue in and suffer through an abusive alcoholic relationship when the alcoholic either (1) will not take active steps to recovery; or (2) does not see the need to take active steps to recovery.
Empowered Recovery teaches the non-alcoholic problem-solving techniques and strategies to help in resolving the serious issues affecting the relationship. Empowered Recovery is not circumspect in maintaining that there is always a solution to every codependent-alcoholic relationship: (1) the alcoholic recovers; or (2) the non-alcoholic leaves the relationship. Of course, recovery of the non-alcoholic is implied and essential in either outcome.
This is not to say that Empowered Recovery promotes separation or divorce as the only solution to correcting a codependent-alcoholic relationship. Every reasonable effort should be made to heal the relationship and keep the family intact if possible (and desirable). However, to heal and correct a codependent-alcoholic relationship requires the efforts of both the alcoholic and the non-alcoholic. If the alcoholic is not interested in recovery, then there is little other choice than for the non-alcoholic to leave, lest the family be subjected to further harm or violence. No matter how strong one’s desire, love, or efforts may be, the non-alcoholic simply cannot control another person, especially an alcoholic.
Many alcoholic recovery programs teach that those affected are “powerless over alcohol.” While heated debate over this issue continues among researchers as it relates to alcoholics, Empowered Recovery strongly disagrees with this concept as it relates to the non-alcoholic. The alcoholic may or may not be “powerless over alcohol,” but the non-alcoholic is most certainly not powerless. Quite the contrary, Empowered Recovery teaches that the non-alcoholic is in the best position to correct the situation and protect the family from further harm. Furthermore, it is the non-alcoholic’s moral responsibility to do so (since the alcoholic is usually incapable). This may sound codependent at first glance, but the nature of alcoholism usually prevents the alcoholic from seeing his or her disorder as the primary agitating aspect of the family’s dysfunction. However, the non-alcoholic can see it, and is usually more agreeable and able to effect positive change within the family.
They appear to promote leaving and quite honestly the implication that Al Anon is merely about coping is tiresome. Al Anon is all about empowerment and choice.
Oh and what if that Alcoholic is your child as it is in my case??
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Join Date: Jan 2003
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Those are great Minnie.
I think a big part of recovery is getting in touch with our "higher self".
Oh, and JT...I'm wincing right along with you.
I couldn't get my focus narrow enough to relate to that passage.
It seems to ignore a vast population of people who deal with alcoholic loved ones.
I think a big part of recovery is getting in touch with our "higher self".
Oh, and JT...I'm wincing right along with you.
I couldn't get my focus narrow enough to relate to that passage.
It seems to ignore a vast population of people who deal with alcoholic loved ones.
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JT - I have no idea about ER's opinion on non-partner alcoholics as I am not in that position.
I really can't see anything outrageous about this stance. Am I missing something?
There is simply no valid reason on earth why a non-alcoholic should endure a long-term and pointless existence in a dysfunctional alcoholic relationship when that relationship is not improving. More definitively, Empowered Recovery maintains that it is not healthy, prudent, or necessary to continue in and suffer through an abusive alcoholic relationship when the alcoholic either (1) will not take active steps to recovery; or (2) does not see the need to take active steps to recovery.
However, to heal and correct a codependent-alcoholic relationship requires the efforts of both the alcoholic and the non-alcoholic. If the alcoholic is not interested in recovery, then there is little other choice than for the non-alcoholic to leave, lest the family be subjected to further harm or violence. No matter how strong one’s desire, love, or efforts may be, the non-alcoholic simply cannot control another person, especially an alcoholic.
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S'alright, I've figured it out myself. Of course there are many reasons why someone might choose to stay with an alcoholic and it is not my (or anyone else's) place to judge. I'm sorry if I've caused offence. However, I will continue to add to my knowledge and share it here.
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I think this version of twelve steps is much more inclusive to a wider population which has to be an advantage.
I do wish though that there was less centering full stop on powerlessness 'v' control. I noticed even in the above it required to accept we are powerless over others, if that's the case what are we all doing here?
We can't control others, we are NOT responsible for others but powerless suggest a lack of any influence at all. I know full well it's other human being that have played the major part in influencing my development as a human being. Conformity (the effect groups have on an individual) is well researched and shown to be very powerful. People close to us especially have some influence - again this should NOT be confused with control or responsibility beyond their own actions.
The comfort zone offered by black and white thinking is often short lived - I think in the long run it leads to further confusion, doubt and self doubt.
That long standing niggle out the way - I also struggle to comprehend staying in an abusive relationship. I understand it acedemically but emotionally I think I'd throw a wobbler in that situation. I could never see myself staying where abuse outweighed respect. Dysfunctional? Uhmmmm maybe that's different, I think we keep learning in any relationship and to some extent a large part of that is about weeding out dysfunctional bits. Again I don't see an absolute black and white to it, more a learning curve towards healthier, more functional ways of interacting.
I do wish though that there was less centering full stop on powerlessness 'v' control. I noticed even in the above it required to accept we are powerless over others, if that's the case what are we all doing here?
We can't control others, we are NOT responsible for others but powerless suggest a lack of any influence at all. I know full well it's other human being that have played the major part in influencing my development as a human being. Conformity (the effect groups have on an individual) is well researched and shown to be very powerful. People close to us especially have some influence - again this should NOT be confused with control or responsibility beyond their own actions.
The comfort zone offered by black and white thinking is often short lived - I think in the long run it leads to further confusion, doubt and self doubt.
That long standing niggle out the way - I also struggle to comprehend staying in an abusive relationship. I understand it acedemically but emotionally I think I'd throw a wobbler in that situation. I could never see myself staying where abuse outweighed respect. Dysfunctional? Uhmmmm maybe that's different, I think we keep learning in any relationship and to some extent a large part of that is about weeding out dysfunctional bits. Again I don't see an absolute black and white to it, more a learning curve towards healthier, more functional ways of interacting.
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Re-word the steps anyway you want...it seems that this version has the same basic spirit.
The problem I have is when a "program" specifically sights another program as faulty...thereby "our way is better". I understand that ER says if Al Anon is not working consider us...there is money being made on some level at the expense of people like us.
I am a huge proponent of choice. That being said I am also a huge proponent of getting out if there is abuse. So is Al Anon. If there is no abuse then one can afford to take some time to educate, center yourself and make an informed, level headed choice. Anyone that says either the alcoholic gets into recovery or leave doesn't get my vote.
No offence at all Minnie...there is an ongoing undercurrent along these lines around here all the time.
The problem I have is when a "program" specifically sights another program as faulty...thereby "our way is better". I understand that ER says if Al Anon is not working consider us...there is money being made on some level at the expense of people like us.
I am a huge proponent of choice. That being said I am also a huge proponent of getting out if there is abuse. So is Al Anon. If there is no abuse then one can afford to take some time to educate, center yourself and make an informed, level headed choice. Anyone that says either the alcoholic gets into recovery or leave doesn't get my vote.
No offence at all Minnie...there is an ongoing undercurrent along these lines around here all the time.
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Cool
As far as I can see, ER isn't doing this. In fact, the "basic text", if you like, is a free, downloadable e-book. Which is more than al-anon literature is - and I say that as a huge supporter of al-anon.
there is money being made on some level at the expense of people like us.
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I know...keep digging. I would be suprised and admittedly impressed if that was not the case.
Al Anon literature is purposely very inexpensive and I have never seen anyone being denied anything that they could not afford.
Gotta go!
Al Anon literature is purposely very inexpensive and I have never seen anyone being denied anything that they could not afford.
Gotta go!
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No offence at all Minnie...there is an ongoing undercurrent along these lines around here all the time.
I know there have been some critical threads but I can't see any relation to them in this post.
Please unconfuse I!!
Edit - I said texts insteads of threads! DOH!!
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The reason this struck a note w/ me is my situation was this: second marriage, no children of the marriage, my history of an A father while in my teens..
I had a very low tolerance of subjecting myself and my children to an emotional and verbally abusive AW or A step mother, so.. she is now my exAW.
Now applying this approach to an A son or daughter, or spouse w/ children together... very different situation all together.. I doubt anything ever written or discovered could ever be ALL INCLUSIVE..
I had a very low tolerance of subjecting myself and my children to an emotional and verbally abusive AW or A step mother, so.. she is now my exAW.
Now applying this approach to an A son or daughter, or spouse w/ children together... very different situation all together.. I doubt anything ever written or discovered could ever be ALL INCLUSIVE..
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
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ok here's my $.02 worth. I believe that the friends and S/Os we choose are reflecting aspects of who we are to ourselves. My children press my heart and make me get honest.
In all honesty I have wanted to completely separate myself from all the other people who are drinking and drugging in my life. But, doing that is not going to get the compulsive behavior out of my life because I am compulsive and obsessive. I can try to sever myself but, I beleive if I am unhealthy everything around me is going to reflect that to me.
THe healthier I get the healthier my relationship will be.
At the alanon group I go to for f2f support there is a little talked about division between the ones who left the relationship and the ones who stayed. It took me a while to figure it out. I stayed so I get pushed towards a certain group even if I liked what one of the leavers said and try to talk to them about it I subtly get moved to the stayers side.
My sponcer and I have talked about it... she was left by her unrecovered AH after years and years of living with him and it was quite a blow to her. She is the one who brought it up cause she noticed that I wouldn't stay put in my subtly designated place. I asked what what she doing being my sponcer then? She couldn't really answer it and it is pretty much a secret at this group that she is my sponcer. I go to AA meetings with her some too and study the steps with her she is much more open and friendly with me at AA than she is at alanon. But, you know part of me has left my H. The sick part okay... I told my sponcer that the other day. To me the flip side of that is leaving the A phyiscally but, the sick part stays with them. This is still more about my disease than it is about his my disease is harder for me to reckonized cause just like all my other As I don't want to look at it okay. It's much easier for to to tell one of my As hey I saw you down in the hood the other day. Where's the "hood" in me how am I like a prostitute standing on the corner looking to make enough money to get myself a fix, how do I abondon myself and my relationships, what I am doing to myself, cause what I am doing is just as deadly as what my As are doing how am I going to let go of my own sickness? Do I want to get well or do I want to ride on the back of some other person blaming them for how messed up my life is...
In all honesty I have wanted to completely separate myself from all the other people who are drinking and drugging in my life. But, doing that is not going to get the compulsive behavior out of my life because I am compulsive and obsessive. I can try to sever myself but, I beleive if I am unhealthy everything around me is going to reflect that to me.
THe healthier I get the healthier my relationship will be.
At the alanon group I go to for f2f support there is a little talked about division between the ones who left the relationship and the ones who stayed. It took me a while to figure it out. I stayed so I get pushed towards a certain group even if I liked what one of the leavers said and try to talk to them about it I subtly get moved to the stayers side.
My sponcer and I have talked about it... she was left by her unrecovered AH after years and years of living with him and it was quite a blow to her. She is the one who brought it up cause she noticed that I wouldn't stay put in my subtly designated place. I asked what what she doing being my sponcer then? She couldn't really answer it and it is pretty much a secret at this group that she is my sponcer. I go to AA meetings with her some too and study the steps with her she is much more open and friendly with me at AA than she is at alanon. But, you know part of me has left my H. The sick part okay... I told my sponcer that the other day. To me the flip side of that is leaving the A phyiscally but, the sick part stays with them. This is still more about my disease than it is about his my disease is harder for me to reckonized cause just like all my other As I don't want to look at it okay. It's much easier for to to tell one of my As hey I saw you down in the hood the other day. Where's the "hood" in me how am I like a prostitute standing on the corner looking to make enough money to get myself a fix, how do I abondon myself and my relationships, what I am doing to myself, cause what I am doing is just as deadly as what my As are doing how am I going to let go of my own sickness? Do I want to get well or do I want to ride on the back of some other person blaming them for how messed up my life is...
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