Shutterbugs post / im mr R and you who answered her post offend me and my wife
that's what I said
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
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Posts: 67
Originally Posted by splendra
as a man thinketh in his mind. It doesn't take much for you to want to resort to violence does it....
We are saved by grace...justice would kill us all dude...
We are saved by grace...justice would kill us all dude...
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: On a River in Maryland
Posts: 22
Shutterbug, please remember this: as long as you remain in this "relationship" and "follow your heart" you will never remain open to finding someone else...someone that can actually BE THERE for you, in person, every day. This may be enough for you now...written correspondence....but it certainly doesn't compare to the REAL "thing" and as long as you are so caught up in this emotional affair, it is unlikely that you will allow yourself to be open to finding anyone else.
How do you KNOW that he tells his wife everything? Have you talked to her?
How would you feel if your SO had a relationship like this? There is NO WAY that anything good can come of this. You will end up hurt. His wife will end up hurt. I speak from knowledge...I am a WW ("wayward wife") that had an emotional affair.
I encourage you to go to the website "marriagebuilders.com" and check out the forum. There are many there (on both sides) and perhaps it will give you some insight into the seriousness of your situation. There is also another site called "survivinginfidelity.com".
You are wasting your time with someone that will only eventually cause you great grief.
And I say this with no animosity or vehemence. I believe it to be the truth.
How do you KNOW that he tells his wife everything? Have you talked to her?
How would you feel if your SO had a relationship like this? There is NO WAY that anything good can come of this. You will end up hurt. His wife will end up hurt. I speak from knowledge...I am a WW ("wayward wife") that had an emotional affair.
I encourage you to go to the website "marriagebuilders.com" and check out the forum. There are many there (on both sides) and perhaps it will give you some insight into the seriousness of your situation. There is also another site called "survivinginfidelity.com".
You are wasting your time with someone that will only eventually cause you great grief.
And I say this with no animosity or vehemence. I believe it to be the truth.
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
(((ryan)))
Anger is a tricky emotion. It is okay to feel it and process it but reacting is another thing. Violence in words or deeds is still violence. Most of the people here who are older and have lived life longer probably understand where you are better than you can possibly imagine.
Nobody here wants anyone to get hurt. Maybe some have to learn a lesson in pain before they can move forward. This is a public place that is privately owned. The people who run this place I believe sincerely do want to help people heal. There are somethings that we do not like to see here. As far as I can tell you are the only one cursing others and saying you would like to knock someones teeth out as far as Jenna's post goes.
Many people here have been involved in love triangles and I do not believe I have heard anyone say that the experience brought them happiness except for temporarily. These kinds of relationships are the kinds that break up marriages and everyone gets hurt even the children and even friends hurt too. If your wife feels so secure in her relationship with you that she feels no threat in you having an emotional affair with someone else then God bless her. A long time ago I was married to someone who wanted to try an open marriage. It was wrong but we acted like it was so loving it wasn't loving it was a way of avoiding intimacy. Everyone I know who has ever participated in this kind of thing is broken up maybe you are far more evolved than everyone else here I do not know.
For me if I know I am right I do not have to defend myself and I won't. But, if I go to tryin to explain my actions or defend them I am wrong... now this is just for me. I have found that no one questions me if I am not hurting myself or someone else cause my actions speak for me. When my words do not match my actions usually there is some explaining and defending to do...
Like if I am doing a job and doing in a way that supports and makes money for my company I get a raise and a pat on the back. If I am not doing my job I might get called to the carpet and "counseled" and given a chance to correct myself and if I do not change then I will get fired.We are here to help ourselves and others heal from addictive behaviors; that is the commodity here...
Many people who read jenna's post see it as addictive behavior to be having the kind of relationship that she describes with you. This what we are all trying to heal here. Someone looking to heal from this kind of thing would not want to stay here if the responces to Jenna's post were saying oh cool jenna I having that kind of affair too...it wold run off the people who we are seeking to actract ya know....
I am sure that there are forums that support emotional and sexual affairs and all kinds of non family related sexual and emotional activity. I think people here are trying to heal from wounds caused by these kinds of affairs rather than support them. JMO though...
Anger is a tricky emotion. It is okay to feel it and process it but reacting is another thing. Violence in words or deeds is still violence. Most of the people here who are older and have lived life longer probably understand where you are better than you can possibly imagine.
Nobody here wants anyone to get hurt. Maybe some have to learn a lesson in pain before they can move forward. This is a public place that is privately owned. The people who run this place I believe sincerely do want to help people heal. There are somethings that we do not like to see here. As far as I can tell you are the only one cursing others and saying you would like to knock someones teeth out as far as Jenna's post goes.
Many people here have been involved in love triangles and I do not believe I have heard anyone say that the experience brought them happiness except for temporarily. These kinds of relationships are the kinds that break up marriages and everyone gets hurt even the children and even friends hurt too. If your wife feels so secure in her relationship with you that she feels no threat in you having an emotional affair with someone else then God bless her. A long time ago I was married to someone who wanted to try an open marriage. It was wrong but we acted like it was so loving it wasn't loving it was a way of avoiding intimacy. Everyone I know who has ever participated in this kind of thing is broken up maybe you are far more evolved than everyone else here I do not know.
For me if I know I am right I do not have to defend myself and I won't. But, if I go to tryin to explain my actions or defend them I am wrong... now this is just for me. I have found that no one questions me if I am not hurting myself or someone else cause my actions speak for me. When my words do not match my actions usually there is some explaining and defending to do...
Like if I am doing a job and doing in a way that supports and makes money for my company I get a raise and a pat on the back. If I am not doing my job I might get called to the carpet and "counseled" and given a chance to correct myself and if I do not change then I will get fired.We are here to help ourselves and others heal from addictive behaviors; that is the commodity here...
Many people who read jenna's post see it as addictive behavior to be having the kind of relationship that she describes with you. This what we are all trying to heal here. Someone looking to heal from this kind of thing would not want to stay here if the responces to Jenna's post were saying oh cool jenna I having that kind of affair too...it wold run off the people who we are seeking to actract ya know....
I am sure that there are forums that support emotional and sexual affairs and all kinds of non family related sexual and emotional activity. I think people here are trying to heal from wounds caused by these kinds of affairs rather than support them. JMO though...
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
(((ryan)))
Anger is a tricky emotion. It is okay to feel it and process it but reacting is another thing. Violence in words or deeds is still violence. Most of the people here who are older and have lived life longer probably understand where you are better than you can possibly imagine.
Nobody here wants anyone to get hurt. Maybe some have to learn a lesson in pain before they can move forward. This is a public place that is privately owned. The people who run this place I believe sincerely do want to help people heal. There are somethings that we do not like to see here. As far as I can tell you are the only one cursing others and saying you would like to knock someones teeth out as far as Jenna's post goes.
Many people here have been involved in love triangles and I do not believe I have heard anyone say that the experience brought them happiness except for temporarily. These kinds of relationships are the kinds that break up marriages and everyone gets hurt even the children and even friends hurt too. If your wife feels so secure in her relationship with you that she feels no threat in you having an emotional affair with someone else then God bless her. A long time ago I was married to someone who wanted to try an open marriage. It was wrong but we acted like it was so loving it wasn't loving it was a way of avoiding intimacy. Everyone I know who has ever participated in this kind of thing is broken up maybe you are far more evolved than everyone else here I do not know.
For me if I know I am right I do not have to defend myself and I won't. But, if I go to tryin to explain my actions or defend them I am wrong... now this is just for me. I have found that no one questions me if I am not hurting myself or someone else cause my actions speak for me. When my words do not match my actions usually there is some explaining and defending to do...
Like if I am doing a job and doing in a way that supports and makes money for my company I get a raise and a pat on the back. If I am not doing my job I might get called to the carpet and "counseled" and given a chance to correct myself and if I do not change then I will get fired.We are here to help ourselves and others heal from addictive behaviors; that is the commodity here...
Many people who read jenna's post see it as addictive behavior to be having the kind of relationship that she describes with you. This what we are all trying to heal here. Someone looking to heal from this kind of thing would not want to stay here if the responces to Jenna's post were saying oh cool jenna I having that kind of affair too...it wold run off the people who we are seeking to actract ya know....
I am sure that there are forums that support emotional and sexual affairs and all kinds of non family related sexual and emotional activity. I think people here are trying to heal from wounds caused by these kinds of affairs rather than support them. JMO though...
Anger is a tricky emotion. It is okay to feel it and process it but reacting is another thing. Violence in words or deeds is still violence. Most of the people here who are older and have lived life longer probably understand where you are better than you can possibly imagine.
Nobody here wants anyone to get hurt. Maybe some have to learn a lesson in pain before they can move forward. This is a public place that is privately owned. The people who run this place I believe sincerely do want to help people heal. There are somethings that we do not like to see here. As far as I can tell you are the only one cursing others and saying you would like to knock someones teeth out as far as Jenna's post goes.
Many people here have been involved in love triangles and I do not believe I have heard anyone say that the experience brought them happiness except for temporarily. These kinds of relationships are the kinds that break up marriages and everyone gets hurt even the children and even friends hurt too. If your wife feels so secure in her relationship with you that she feels no threat in you having an emotional affair with someone else then God bless her. A long time ago I was married to someone who wanted to try an open marriage. It was wrong but we acted like it was so loving it wasn't loving it was a way of avoiding intimacy. Everyone I know who has ever participated in this kind of thing is broken up maybe you are far more evolved than everyone else here I do not know.
For me if I know I am right I do not have to defend myself and I won't. But, if I go to tryin to explain my actions or defend them I am wrong... now this is just for me. I have found that no one questions me if I am not hurting myself or someone else cause my actions speak for me. When my words do not match my actions usually there is some explaining and defending to do...
Like if I am doing a job and doing in a way that supports and makes money for my company I get a raise and a pat on the back. If I am not doing my job I might get called to the carpet and "counseled" and given a chance to correct myself and if I do not change then I will get fired.We are here to help ourselves and others heal from addictive behaviors; that is the commodity here...
Many people who read jenna's post see it as addictive behavior to be having the kind of relationship that she describes with you. This what we are all trying to heal here. Someone looking to heal from this kind of thing would not want to stay here if the responces to Jenna's post were saying oh cool jenna I having that kind of affair too...it wold run off the people who we are seeking to actract ya know....
I am sure that there are forums that support emotional and sexual affairs and all kinds of non family related sexual and emotional activity. I think people here are trying to heal from wounds caused by these kinds of affairs rather than support them. JMO though...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: DooDooville, USA
Posts: 453
Whoa! I missed out on all of this one and kinda glad I did. 
But, one thing I agree with Shutterbug on is people seeming like they're judging others. I, myself, don't like that at all. I may have done it in the past, but am really trying not to do that anymore.
"anyone without sin, cast the first stone". Gotta take the plank out of our eye before talking about the splinter in someone else's.
Helpful, loving advice is awesome. And, very needed. Given with support. But, obviously, here's a couple of people (I don't know their story, so forgive me if I'm wrong) that are feeling pretty attacked by others.
Would there be a better way to help?
But, one thing I agree with Shutterbug on is people seeming like they're judging others. I, myself, don't like that at all. I may have done it in the past, but am really trying not to do that anymore.
"anyone without sin, cast the first stone". Gotta take the plank out of our eye before talking about the splinter in someone else's.
Helpful, loving advice is awesome. And, very needed. Given with support. But, obviously, here's a couple of people (I don't know their story, so forgive me if I'm wrong) that are feeling pretty attacked by others.
Would there be a better way to help?
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Southern Wisconsin
Posts: 378
Originally Posted by dax
Shutterbug- No amount of sugar coating can justify what you are doing. It is very very wrong. Th violence in this man's posting is frightening. Get some counseling. This is a pathetic , dangerous situation. dax
I couldn't agree more and I'm a woman who was involved with an MM. Sometimes we end up learning from our own mistakes but I hope shutterbug doesn't ignore all that everyone here is saying. Having intense feelings for someone she can never be with must be sickening and I hope one day she realizes she must cultivate close friends who really can be there day in and out.
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Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Where the sun always shines!
Posts: 1,625
Shutterbug......I think many of us here will agree that we have been emotionally starved in our relationship with our A's. You found comfort in the support and show of emotion from Ryan. I will not judge you, I don't judge my friends and I think of anyone here a friend. I just want you to be careful. You owe that to yourself.
Ryan....I would like to say that many of us here have come from abusive (physical and emotional...including cheating SO's) pasts. I like to believe that everyone here supports each other the best we can. No one here wants to see anyone make a decision that could hurt them. Therefore, we offer our suggestions and support and sometimes a little too much "personal" advice. But, most is said (typed) with good intentions. There is a lot of recovery on these boards. That is why we come here. We are all here for each other.
Ryan....I would like to say that many of us here have come from abusive (physical and emotional...including cheating SO's) pasts. I like to believe that everyone here supports each other the best we can. No one here wants to see anyone make a decision that could hurt them. Therefore, we offer our suggestions and support and sometimes a little too much "personal" advice. But, most is said (typed) with good intentions. There is a lot of recovery on these boards. That is why we come here. We are all here for each other.
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