Desporate

I need help my husband had been sober for 6 months till thursday morning. we have gone through the recovery process several times and i don't think i can do it again. I know he don't like using but i feel stuck. And i am afraid of how this will afect our 3 kids. i love him with all my heart but i don't know if i can stand by him and help him anymore. i need some help and some one to talk to.

KelKel

Welcome to SR.
I am so sorry for your hurting...
I think you can find some comfort and coping tools here.

Gabe

Hi Desporate, glad you found us.
As much as you love this man, you need to make your decisions based on what will be best for you and your kids.
And those are not easy decisions to make by any means.
If it's feeling overwhelming right now...just for today, you don't have to make any moves. Give yourself some time to think and feel your way through this.
When you're ready, come up with a plan and each day, try to do something to make that plan happen.

equus

I'm with Gabe - just for now you don't have to make all the decisions or right moves. After 6 months sober you must be very raw right now. Take care of yourself...

elizabeth1979

I know you want to hear someone tell you what to do. I did.

Its not my place to tel you what to do! Vent all you need and read all you can. Take a hot bath or drink some tea and try to take care of your needs.

Desporate

See he is telling me he hasn't pick up since that slip but because of that slip i question every move or idea he has and trust is hard to come by with me right now. I have to call and verify everything he say and does and i am on edge. Then i well what if he is telling the true and what if he isn't. i want to believe him. but after 5 yrs of this rollercoaster i only see falure. i wonder if i will ever see anything but falure even if he is being trueful

elizabeth1979

Why?

Zoey

As long as they are still breathing there is hope for them.
IMO OK to hope. but best to have no expectations.
They will do whatever they will do.
We need to find something fun, relaxing or interesting to do rather than check on them. WELCOME to SR, this is the greatest site.
Ask, vent, and keep coming back. Take what you can use and leave the rest. nothing set in stone or black and white..

FriendofBill

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

Cynay

Welcome to SR.... we are glad you found us.

Im sorry your hurting.... Have you tried going to Al-anon? You might find the tools there that you need to learn to deal with it all... I completely understand how overwhelming it can be. Just remember

You did not cause it, you can not control it, and you cant cure it. With that said perhaps you could just look at your end of things and make sure you and your kids are taken care of... Read all you can and please feel free to vent... just remember you dont have to go through it alone... we are all here and the more support you have the more peace you will find.

Desporate

First i want to say thank you to everyone listening. Yesterday was a very hard day. Today feels alittle better. I am going to try to relax alittle more and take it one day at a time. I know my kids would like that. I guess sometimes i just wish there was a magic wonder to fix things and make his sickness disappear. I know that will not happen but it hurt to now there is nothing i can do to change him. He realy is a good man and father when he is clean. I just hope that one day I will be able to believe when he tells me his clean.

elizabeth, i don't trust right know and to believe him is hard so i verify everything he says. I know that probly makes thing worse but sometimes(90%) I feel I have to just to have alittle peace

robina

A relapse can be so devastating. You start thinking that all your problems are behind you, you start trusting a bit, and then the alcoholic drinks.

This is why we need to focus on our own recoveries. That is the only thing we can control. The disease of alcoholism is too powerful for us to do anything about it.

Try not to be too invested in his recovery. Alcoholics will disapoint you every time.

Robin

Gooch

actually it's the expectations of the alcoholics or addict that dissapoint us everytime. And us includes the addict and alcoholic who places ridgid expectations on themselves.

Desporate

ok, try not to be to vested in his recovery? how do i turn that of? i am a worrier by nature (which i am attempting to work by the way).i tell my self every night i am going to give all my worries to god. for some reason inside i can't let go. i started to think that maybe just maybe my addiction is trying to fix everyone and thing else other then my self. then i wonder how do i fix my self were do i start. when you spend so much time taking care of an addict/recovering addict how do you know separate yourself from being that and find yourself and how you realy are.

Desporate

Last night was bad. my husband has been on and off the road of recovery for a long time and i thought( i forced) my self to believe this time was different.he was doing do good and im sure those how have read this thread know what i am feeling. anywasy last night i found my feels to be true in so many ways and i have desided enough is enough. this is what happened to bring me to this. my brother inlaw come over to tell me and my AH that his mother had a heartache and my ah was not home . my sister how lives with me went get him. he got home before she did and stoled all her cash when i went to the bathroom and on his way back out the door i gave him a kiss and tasted the alcohl and i know that he was going for drugs(see my AH ain't just have one problem he compounds it). i went to look for him. When my sister returned and found her money was gone. As i was walking i started thinking what the hell am i doing. he is screwing him self and i am putting myself in the positon to get screwed all over again.
that is when i desided enough is enough. i am to tired to be his door mat anymore. love just is enough to keep me here with this disease. i disease more and so do our kids. so i turned around and came home. I locked all the window bolted and latched the door and told my sister not to open the door for him and about a half hour ago i called his probation officer and told him my husband was using again and he said that they would to a pop urine. i told him i no longer want him in my home and i would call the police to make him leave if he did return. i don't think he knew what to say to that . i am tired of me and our kids paying the price for all of his mistakes. iam tied of all the lies and cheating that goes along with it every time he relapses. i am done. it is time to move on. i have 3 beautiful, smart, loving kids who need me health and of sound my mind to point the in the right direction in life not the addiction direction. and i need to feel secure.

So i am going to call around and find out how the cheatest lawyer is and i am ending this now. i is not for lack of loving my husband. i love him with all my heart. but right know loving him is destroying the rest of us and i can go threw it anymore. pray for the best for him and hope god can find my husband in side the addicted and bring him back. but i am to sick and tired to fight a battle that i am bound to loss because the fight was never mine in the first place. thank you to evert how replied to thread every little voice helped bring me to were i am now this minute taking the stand for a change and as someone else said on another thread it is time to stop reacting to life and time start living it.

robina

Desporate - have you attended an Alanon meeting? The feelings you talk about are caused by the chaos of living with an alcoholic. The problem is that getting rid of the alcoholic will not make your problems go away.

The only way to make your problems go away is to work on your own recovery, and Alanon is a great way to do that.

Love and blessings

Robin

Star Gazer

Very well put, Robina.