Girlfriend

That's a great attitude to have, Mike!

But, I actually know some females that have alot of those qualities, too. Just depends on the person (?)

FormerDoormat

Well, then BubbaBob, it's time for you to buck up and be the man we want you to be. You know, turn off the f-ing TV, open your wallet, shut your mouth, and just sit there and look pretty.

FormerDoormat

And Mikey, it looks as if you've had some women problems in the past. Just look at you...

You've been framed!

Girlfriend

OOOoooo! She told YOU!

Gooch

phew .. nothing about motorcycles...

Savana 54

Well I guess that pretty much knocks out 90 percent of the male population, as far as red flags go!

minnie

Girlfriend - I think they make the point that they could apply to women or men. If they got too PC about it and wrote he/she and his/her, the list would be impossible to read.

I don't think this men-bashing at all. Why on earth would anyone think that? It's not about all men, it's about unhealthy men. And Savana - please don't be so pessimistic. There are loads of healthy men out there. You've just not been interested in them up to now...

And Gabe - I love the heartless bitches thing too. I think that's cos I was called that so much that I reclaimed the phrase for myself, much like the gals on that site.

DesertEyes

You must know my ex-wife

LOL. No kidding! Although rigorous honesty requires that I admit I didn't have "women problems", what I had was problems choosing women.

Mike :-)

Girlfriend

Cuz the website's title says it all......heartlessbitches.com. I don't buy all of that. It was written prolly by a few ladies that got really burned by some "unhealthy" men.

I still have hope for the good men out there.

BubbaBob

Parsing words Mike...kinda like me...I didn't have a drinking problem...I had a quitting problem.

BubbaBob

minnie

Girlfriend, hon, they are being IRONIC. How many times have you been called a heartless bitch because you stood up for yourself? I almost changed my name by deed poll to "Ice Queen" because my ex called me that so much. Funnily enough, it was every time I enforced a boundary.....

I'm puzzled about your use of "unhealthy". Why the quotation marks? Are these red flags not sugns of unhealthy behaviour?

DesertEyes

Yup, definetly just a parsing issue, but it helps me keep the focus on who _really_ has the problem. _Me_


Hmmm... I dunno, minnie. As Bob just pointed out it's just a matter of your point of view. I see _their_ behavior as their choice, and not for me to judge. It is _my_ behavior that I can judge as healthy or not. If _I_ choose to get in a relationship with somebody who shows these red flags then it is _me_ who has unhealthy behavior, not them.

Whadya think?

Mike :-)

CodeMaster

See, I have to agree with all these red flags and relationship blah blah. The way I see it, the happy part is always at the beginning flirting part where there isnt really much a relationship and so I figured if you can skip the relationship part and only enter in the beginning, go through the happy part, then switch to another happy partner and keep hoping, then your always in the happy zone.

So thats why I'm not looking into dating cause not interested in the relationship part anymore.

CodeMaster

or liking miniskirts either..

minnie

I've been thinking about this thread a lot today and the various responses it generated.

I need a list like this. I am 32 and I want to have a loving, caring, open and equal partner in my life and one day hope to start a family with that person. I am perfectly OK with being on my own - in fact, this is month 10 of the longest continuous spell of singledom since I was 16 and I have barely thought about being alone. However, if I want what I stated earlier, I haven't time to take a chance and prove any of these red flags wrong over time. I think I'll leave those guys for other women and I am certain that many will form wonderful relationships.

Minx1969

I've been busy at work so haven't really had the time to read or post the past few days..

Minnie - I took that list of red flags and emailed them to a few friends of mine who needed them (because they ignore them every time)..My new boyfriend and I looked at heartlessbitches.com together and laughed..Love that site!! I think I'm going to become a member..

It does apply to men and women equally..

Personally - I think that red flag list is great...My new boyfriend and I went down the list together and neither of us had any one on the list..So..I think it's a healthy relationship..

BUT from my past experience I could probably add a few red flags of my own: If he tells you that he's not good enough for you - believe it!!

hmm..I ignored that one about 3 different times..guess what? They were right..

Another friend of mine starting dating this guy..we looked up his divorce record (it's free and it's public record)..Said he had an order of protection against him..She chose to ignore that..He had all the classic signs of an abuser yet she bought into his story that it was his wife..

After about a month of more red flags (I gave her a list of abuser characteristics and behaviors) she let that relationship go..

Savana- There are great wonderful healthy men out there..It just takes us working on ourselves..maybe dating against type and walking into a friendship that develops into a relationship..Also I strongly believe we have to be ok with ourselves and perhaps being alone (not needing a relationship) in order to have an ok relationship..

Minnie - I have no doubt you will find a wonderful man to share your life with..hell I'm 36 and I think I finally found him!

Minx

A healthy relationship is about interdependence not co-dependence..big different...

minnie

Love you, Minx. I can't disagree with one thing you have posted above. In fact, I think that probably goes for anything you have ever posted. You sure you're 36? Feels like we're twins sometimes. You know, I chose the name Minnie from a British cartoon character called........Minnie the Minx. Spooky eh?

Girlfriend

I may have been called a heartless B**CH a couple of times, but I don't want to be defined as one and own it

Everybody has a part of them that is unhealthy. If we were perfect, we wouldn't need any help. I just think that the focus has been put a little too much on men, lately, in the negative and that's understandable, but I felt the need to try to level it out a bit.

Just my .02 worth.

Savana........you're okay, girl! Hang in there.

CatsTail

Here it is Suzie.

Ngaire

Midas

I absolutely positively refuse to age gracefully.
Nyah, nyah.