shutterbug

I need to be slapped back into reality and out of my fantasies!!!

Hi, it’s been a while since I’ve been in this forum. I finaly got a very toxic, late-stage alcoholic boyfriend out of my life this past year and have been focusing on myself for the first time in my life since I found Al-anon at that time and started realizing so many things about my life and my illnesses.

Anyway, I’m in this relationship now that’s different than any other I’ve ever been in or dealt with. And I’m in love with the most beautiful, tender-hearted man I’ve ever known and could ever DREAM of knowing. I’ve always been bad about holding onto fairytale dreams….but this one…this one IS my prince! I just wanted to share a few of the loveliest things he’s written to me (since we communicate every day by e-mail)… Well…you’ll pretty much be able to figure out the main problem pretty clearly in his writings to me….which is #1 he’s married and #2 he’s some 3000 miles away (which kinda is a good thing actually). My problem is that even though we both KNOW that nothing more than writing each other can ever come of us we still have deep feelings for each other. We both tried thinking of each other more like a brother and sister thing…but that didn’t work. We know that our beautiful friendship is as far as things can ever go….but we are still very much in love with each other….but lately the back of my brain is telling me that you never know what might happen in the future and even though I NEVER want his marriage to end or for me to cause him problems there….I can’t help these feelings I have of wanting more than just a beautiful friendship because how many chances in life do you really get to meet the perfect man for you? And lately I’ve been having a VERY hard time thinking about anything other than him. I wake up and go to sleep thinking of him and I know this isn’t healthy….even if we could have a true relationship…being this obsessed with someone is not healthy. Can anyone offer me some helpful ways to look at this because it is already hurting me to know that I can never be with him.

Hugs,
Jenna

Below I will paste the long list of the things I have kept about him that he has written that have made my heart soar during the past month or two and the things I will always cherish…It doesn’t help that I am EXTREMELY insecure and these words have just filled all my hurts and made me feel like flying.. Like I said before…who WOULD’NT fall in love with this man!!!!!!!!!!

shutterbug

Hello Dear Jennifer-This is R, the ecard i sent was of a teddy bear giving you a hug. Was hopeing to hear from you, i was wondering how you were doing.

Hey Gorgeous

your great Jenna thank you

hey i posted something i wanted to carify bause i dont want things to be aqward between us. There are very very few people that i call my friend in this world. And i love everyone of them. no i maynot know you very much but that is besides the point. there are also only a handful of people that i confide in unfortunately my wife isnt realy one of those, i sort of do but not for the most part. you are my friend there for you are a loved one. i just dont want to push you away from being my friend by making it seem like im hitting on you or anything like that.. im not..friends dont do that..

you are an inspiration to me. O and someday you will find a guy like me but until then lets go fishing together, i love to go fishing, i love to go to the movies although i usually go alone.id lots rather have my friend my sister go with me. i have this that i wrote in thought of you my place to think of when i realy need to escape when i am alone.i loved you peom it had alot of deep feeling in it..i loved your joke. i love to flirt it makes good feelings inside me and as long as it stays harmless its alot of fun. You are one sweet girl one that would be alot of fun to be with and around to do things with. Love R

(The following is a poem he wrote in calligraphy and combined with a picture and attached it to the above e-mail) "I feel wonder in life when I am in the forest and the mountains. As I sit by a brook and listen to the water flow, the birds sing. As I smell the pine trees and the fragrance of blooming flowers, I see a squirrel scampering by. I relax and absorb the calmness around me forgetting about my problems and troubles. I feel at peace with myself, with God. To breath free and live free that is the meaning of life."

thank you Jenna -thank you for what you posted, the poems i actually can relate with and they were meaningful to me. and the joke had me rolling on the floor. every time you write something to me you always say something i need to hear, i find your letters uplifting and inspireing. Thank you sweetheart R

hey -hi how was your day? i hope you are doing well i have thought of you often today. but im not sure what to write tonight my brain is getting real slow. I may be married but that dont mean i cant love you. R

i suck at fishing really and love to do it its a good reason to get away from everything. i laughed when i read the here kitty kitty part it was cute

im so jealous that you have that big of a fish tank, i love aquariums, i had a scorpion, a horny toad, and a terrarium with a waterfall and plants that i built , real plants.. i have a green thumb and can grow anything. i have always wanted a tank with leopard sharks in it. violin music is beautiful, i love enya, dance, techno to some point, instrumental. my dad is a professional piano player we have 15 pianos in his house and a system im setting up for him to run his synthesizers threw his pc to write music compose and burn to disks. Jenna we are alot more alike then you know. You are a swell gal id sell , well never mind i would just love to go do things with you and that we can under stand each other we would have a ball ok sis. i gotta run ill write you later sister. love R

and as for what id sell ? use your imagination that’s all i can say if a say more i will blush and thats a bad idea

I wrote: "I guess, the point I'm slowly getting around to, is that I feel a connection with you and I don't want to start having those kind of feelings for you (but it's really hard not to when you tell me how wonderful and special I am and things like that). I really do just want to have a brother/sister/bestfriend kind of relationship with you. So much so that I want to some day be able to visit and meet you and your beautiful wife and darling kids and all that fun stuff --- like a long lost relative or something."
He said: i feel the same i feel a strong connection to you and that scares me.
i would love to make you a knife and could mail it to you by next wed. just need an address..

I said: "Lord, just please help me not to fall in love with you! I don't want to hurt myself or anyone else...and I don't want to mess up what we have here."
He said: do not feel alone on this im praying the same thing .

so i have a foot phobia, besides that i give an awesome back massage, i have studied reflexology and was going to goto schol for massaging, i still may.. i can relax a woman or realy get her turned on it all has to do with the pressure and rhythm of the message. and alot of heart feeling also. shoulders yes and necks, face, ears, head, and the rest is -- well i wont comment, i can crack your back, crack your neck
message arms and hands and other places and legs and ancles.and if not chosen by the person non sexual at all completely professional. i am afraid of falling in love with you also i dont think i could handle going threw what i have this year. i think that it would destroy me. no matter what my heart wants. id rather have you as my sister then to go farther and loose you in the end…trust e i know what you mean i woke up five minutes ago and here i am seeing if i got a letter from you and reading it. lol yea i can massage feet with nice socks on. Lol……you just made my day
love you R

I wrote him and said: P.S. Mi corazon es con tu esta noche, mi amigo. Lo siento mucho, pero mi vida es nada sin tu ahora. Gracias por su corazon. Por, solamente soy loco en la cabesa pero soy muy bonita in tus ojos. Muchas gracias mi amor. Yo tengo un mejor amigo en tu. Soy un estudiante a su amor y quiero aprendar. Lo siento mucho por mis palabras. Ellos van negro con tiempo por que soy sin un hombre posible a vida con me.
Buenas Noche (a littel rough...but it's Spainsh none the less :-)

His reply: would you be so kind as to translate this be for i have to take it to a freind to translate it which i prefer not to im to shy to do that. my heart is in cause i am also falling for you.

Translation: I'm a little limited on my Spanish vocabulary so I could only write from the words I know. It says
"My heart is with you tonight, my friend. I am so sorry, but my life is nothing without you right now. Thank you for your heart. For, I am only crazy, but I am beautiful in your eyes. Many thanks my love. I have a best friend in you. I am a student to your love and I want to learn. I am very sorry for my words. They go black with time because I am without a man possible of a life with me."Good night

these ae sweet words to me, i wish with all my heart and soul that i could act on them you are such a love ing sweet girl i wish i could be yours and yours only i realy do. i will not ruin this moment by saying what must. so in short i love you to.i wish i didnt but i do love you.

well i got the template im going to make your knife with i went nuts getting one to do this, you went and got me all excited to make it for you. .im not going to tell you about it you will just have to wait and see it when it shows up there. im not sure what more to say so. night babe

im not going to say what im thinking because it will hurt us. but you know.. jenna im going to go take some sleeping pills and wake up sometime tomorrow afternoon just cant deal with reality at the moment. your letter brought a warmness to my heart and a smile to my face. you rock sis. love always R

i understand where you are coming from, yes i am becoming in love with you but we both know that this can not be, as much as we may want it, you are such a special girl to me i dont want to loose you over this problem and even if we wrote each other less its not going to solve a thing. though it would be great someday to get a visit from you to see me and my family. i am saddened because damit i feel the same as you do. i do look forwards to your letters i stay up till 3 am waiting for them. sweet jenna i just dont know what to do i just dont want to do it. 2 i have no job no money and no chance….im out of thoughts to say i just woke up and am very grogy and out of it. and my heart aches.

THERE IS NOT MUCH WE CAN DO -hi babe the only thing we can really do is keep in perspective that we can never be asa much as we may want it . As you seid i am not the person you read about there are more unpleasant things about me that i dont share. as for falling in love with you its to late for me, there for i have to keep you as my love ing sister so that we dont get hurt we both know that unfortunately it cannot be. you will never be another problem in my life babe i make my own problems. and i have never been one to be rational…i have thought every waking moment on what we should do limiting our talking isn’t going to fix this but keeping you as a close friend is better then loosing you completely which i dont want that would hurt to much. Jenna we will figure this out. love R

Jenna you are a reason to let my heart hurt over no matter what you think you are worth it you are special. and dont feel insecure about your picture im no peach my self

see that wasn’t so hard. You are absolutely gorgeous. You have the most beautiful eyese I have ever seen, you are a beautiful girl, and I confirm that the man whom you get a hold of is one lucky son of a homeless white boy. I don’t want to worry about me. I’ll be ok. Yeah, I do love you even though I barly know you, but heel I’ve been married 6 years and don’t really know my wife, so she keeps telling me. My heart does hurt because I know that we can’t be….but in my heart and mind I am afraid that I will loose you completely as my friend and I can’t have that you owe me a fishing trip.

I will not speak the words in my heart for they are things that may tear me apart. my heart is soft and gentle just like a rose that drops a petal, it is easily crush and easily saved. if preserved will last forever and a day. So will i cherish you as my
friend so dear. That as long as we be this way we remain near.
i am content (sort of) to just have you as a dear friend. sides this way i can keep you close and never be afraid of loosing you ever. your friend forever and always, R

the reality is - yes it do feel affection towards you yes i do know what true love is other wise i would have left my wife along time ago, yes in some way this is a fantasy, i dont say things to anyone unless i completely mean it, i only know you by what you have wtitten and told me you are a very sweet girl and a sweet friend. i dont con any one and it really breaks my heat that this relationship cant go farther but it just cant i would be heart broken if i lost you as my friend. first and foremost i do not want you to get hurt… yes this is a reality check for me also. you dont know me idot know you but if situations were different we would be a good match. i am sorry i did not want to hurt you or make you feel uncomfortable… i feel a connection to you so maybe we were best friends in heaven before we came here. i dont know. yes this makes me sad… i do love you know i dont know you but my heart does and i have since i first wrote you. let go of me i can do nothing but hurt you. remaining friends would be great but still a strain because of my fine emotions, you understand me where no one elts does.my life is cause im always hopping for something different but whose to say that if we were together that things would be better if not worse…im not a con man if i was this would be so much easier to do and say then it is. i dont believe in irrationality i believe in a dream of something better. i never had a girl friend persay, my wife and i met in a bakery we became best friends then one day i realized that i couldn’t live with out her in my life so i asked her to marry me during the movie city of angles… the last thing i want is to hurt you…. because i love the person that is portrayed on this dam Internet that person that is portrayed is you. you are a fantastic person, a loving caring girl that i truly envy the man that you choose to be yours…i remain always and forever your friend, R

jenna dear -i really want to make that knife for you and will send it for sure. i also cannot stop writing you you make me feel good about my self. i dont want to loose you.i am not as good with words as you are but you are special, special to me. as long as we remember that that this is all we can be im so sorry Jenna im so sorry to do this to you…. as for your lettr last night i did under stand it you were scared . there for i took no real offense to it.some time i would love to have you meet my kids they are just dolls.the only reason i have stayed in is to talk to you . i lust woke up will write more later when my brain is firing on all cylinders. and my heart does ache over this but as friends we can stay close and for one my wife and family wont give me crap about it. not my first choice but the logical one. am at a loss for words please for give me i will writ emore later…love R

i dont want this to hurt you, i hope that i can keep this in perspective, i will mail you some pict of my kids with the knife. since trying to email picts to you on the Internet has yet to work. my heart does hurt over this and there is nothing that i can do to fix that except for time, we do have a beautiful friends ship and i am thankful for that, i am excited to see your pictures.i wish that i could be that man in your life that you are missing….well sis when my heart settles down a little i write back, sometime tonight. love R

Good night dear freind and a dam beautiful one at that .R

as for bret he has more hair but im better looking. and i dont drink. well i am off to bed will talk to you more tomarrow.sleep well knowing that some bunny loves you no matter what the reasons or circumstances.

hey everything will be ok - for one my wife doesn’t mind you sending me stuff just as she dont mind me making you a knife. im not sure what i can really say to console you but jenna we are friends first and foremost even if it cant go no further then so be it that’s our fait. I understand exactly what your saying but i have to keep telling myself that this just cant go any further. if you feel that you need to distance your self from me then i fully understand and i am not offended. if this is whats best then so be it. but i will not loose you as my friend over this..
think on this i have a knife to go make your friend R

i am so glad that i have you for a friend, you have helped me so much since we met. i dont know how i can thank you over the internet besides a cyber hug and a thank you. o and one more thing when you find your man, he is one blessed guy and a lucky one to be with such a gal as you. when i am feeling lost you show me the way, i will never forget that. love R i am beyond blessed to have you as my freind

babe there is nothing on or in this universe you can every say that will hurt or offend me. So no worries there

and your wrong you are a most interesting and beautiful girl that i would if not married or in the situation im in now id sell my ###$% to be with you.you are fascinating and if in a different situation i would. but thats neither here nor there

my personality is that what you see is what you get, i go out of my way to help as many people as i can and when i cant i hurt inside. i am very funny witty o and my wife just said im a smart ass to. to love is an intricate thing and since i have no options i will love you as my best friend and as my sister, a sister i never have had and i believe that that kind of love is stronger then anyother that i can give.
i love you sis and as we get to know more about each oter i know that love will grow, we cant get hurt in this relationship that and im not into kissing my sister yuck.may be an affectionate hug now and then but lets not push it. ok im getting silly.one more thing i dont brush hair or give foot massages to anyone.. and one more thing you are so cute you really get me smiling alot sis. love you
your bro R …P.S. id love to show you about those programs and tweaking photo graphics.

you realy are a silly bug

Hi Jenna love- Coming to think of it you are a funny girl and not just some times, every dang letter you right has me smiling and is usually the high light of my day

Gnight Jenna until tomorrow sweet heart. Love you R
ps i feel bad that i didnt have much to say tonight just know that you are a shining light in my darkness that i am very excited to get your package. i could give you a big hug for all that you have done and are doing for me.

i like the color red and ocean blue, i like to play the piano though i dont play much,. I love to walk along the beach in Florida and pick up shark teeth. i love to go hiking in the hills/forests. i love to swim, i love love snowboarding. . I enjoy walking in river beds and hills and mountains looking for neat rocks.I like antique things like buffets and other type furniture .When im feeling good enough i love to play with my kiddies. I like dance music from the 80's i love enya i have all her music,i like some 90's and 00 music. I like to tinker with things. i love camping up where the air is clean and there is the smel of pine trees and the souund of water in a creek or in a river. I like to skinny dip but havent done that in a few years. I love to read your letters. ….I love to make dream catchers,. I used to realy love being out side but its strange that any more its hard to get me to do anything let alone go outside.. i love to grow roses and flowers and such mostly roses exotic and other, i have a great green thumb… Ever run around in a forest naked if not you should try it sometime it thrilling never knowing if you will be seen and also feeling the fresh air around you completely its a good feeling. …i love to sit by a campfire and just listen to the sounds around me and talk about what ever and just amerce my self and forget my problems and relax and enjoy it all. ….i wanted to write you before i went to bed. Get some rest Jenna mi corrizon and sleep well goodnight my Jenna …Love R

Well im finally off to bed. Night doll…Goodnight sweet heart

RE: where are you, under my pillow -going out for a smoke will come in when done to check email one more time before im off to sleepy land and slight freedom. …ok Sunshine

But Jenna my heart reaches out to you I know that you had a difficult few days. I wish with all my heart that there is more that I could do for you. And you didn’t embarrass your self to me. I am just sad that you had to go threw what happened after wards. I am not disappointed either I kind of envy him. It’s not sinful in god’s eyes it was only over the phone it don’t count. You haven’t wronged me baby I wish that it could have been me on the other end of the phone but it wasn’t and don’t be ashamed of your self because you have needs that I can not fulfill just as I have needs that you cant fulfill so what I'm trying to say is that its ok its ok by me I don’t blame you one little bit or tiddle. Second don’t second guess any letter you write to me I enjoyed all your emails thoroughly and as always got a big grin out of me and a chuckle here and there. And SILLY you come across in your letters exactly as you intended to.

If you do, im going to hell and kick you cute a**. Nuf said. So before I forget I got permission to make you a dream catcher where I will put a few things on it and you put a few things on it and I will tell you the story of the dream catcher.

I am excited to make you a dream catcher im just trying to think of what size to make it.…yeah i wanted to make a dream catcher for you ever since i mentioned that i could make them… OK gotta run to walmart to pick our your hoop. Lean on me i am here i understand and you are dear i will be here to help with all your feer. I aint goin no where got it "bonita" will write more later

Cheer up sugar Im here

Besides your letters being the high light of my day is my kids so beside that you win

Well going to go to bed I guess I do have a long day ahead of me working on this killer red Porsche . So Good night love

You are a sweetheart I am always here for you no matter what you will never disappoint me or let me down so akuna matata sugar. Love’s R

Jenna i will always be here for you i may not answer you right away but im here I decided to write you a small novel tonight you are not alone im am there with you if only in spirit but i do care about you and your right im not taking your advice on being worried because i am worried but thats what im here for im here for you to talk to to confide in etc. You are loved and i wont desert you. 8 R

im off to never land sweetheart see you tomorrow, sleep well A&F R

Santa Clause is coming to town so hide your dog- Jenna Dear heart …last night i didnt read anything that was crap in any way im just glad that you confided in me and that makes me feel special. Im sure that this was a traumatic experience for you i am sorry that you had to go threw it all….Put this behind you Jenna so that i wont hurt you any longer. yeah easier said then done. But im here for you no matter what happens or what you do im here for you to lift you up and to help in anyways that i can because i love you dear one. Be kind to your self you did nothing wrong in my eyes. Well gotta run but the santa thing it explains where elves come from . 8 r

hey be sea de ee fn gee htch hi jayk l o man igot to pee--hey I’m worried about you hope your okay.

And damit Jennifer i do love you from the bottom of my heart , there is just nothing i can do about it

But im here for you no matter what happens or what you do im here for you to lift you up and to help in anyways that i can because i love you dear one. Be kind to your self you did nothing wrong in my eyes. 8 R

There is nothing bad or wrong about it.And damit Jennifer i do love you from the bottom of my heart , there is just nothing i can do about it.

OK gotta run to walmart to pick our your hoop. Lean on me i am here i understand and you are dear i will be here to help with all your fear. I aint going no where got it "bonita" will write more later when i can do this with out being bothered.

I truly do love you and have never lied to you. O yeah got a package in the mail today yep was one of the mail order brides, still cant figure out how she fit into an Adidas shoe box though but needless to say i loved every bit of it and thanks for the dirt that was awesome, your pictures are beautiful, everything was just wonderful so you can put your fears to rest and lori did like what you sent her o and i love the butterfly stickers those were so pretty. i just loved it all i was so excited to get it thank you so so sosososososososo very much. I dont deserve you. Love everybit of you R

But we are friends, best friends, bester bestest best friends…No I don’t drive only when I have to, well you were a dam good reason, Love you Baby.

hey just because im in a relationship dont mean that i dont love you and i never believed that loving another woman is adultery love and lust are 2 different things

we are so much alike alot of what you feel about your self that you mentioned in this last letter i feel the same about my self/i will elaborate later

dear santa since you have no need for miss clause can i have her? she's perty dam sexy id eat her up faster then a box of cookies

well after he was done with that stuff i took one of the cars into walmart to pick up the essentials for making your dream catcher. i enjoyed that even had to pick up a calligraphy pen

Your dream catcher is going to be the most interesting and one of a kind that i have ever seen or ever made i have been thinking of this design for a few years but never had a reason to make it now i do you are my reason for making this

I may be real crafty and such but i cant braid at all so thats one im going to have to figure out. Aint i being a pain in the ass cause im not going to tell you more then just enough to tease you with.Im such a b*st*rd i love it. i have thought of you all daywondering what i could say to cheer you up or some words of wisdom, but my hair issnt gray enough for wisdom its bald cause i pulled them all out when i found out what girls realy were... nope never mind still cant figure out my self why try fingering out women.

So basically letting you know im here its 10:30pm. im half way threw the photo album and haven’t had the chance to check out the disks yet i will tonight though. You are so sweet i loved everything you sent the photos in the frames are excellent soon as we get our apartment in the next few week they are going up in the living room.

So thats pretty much my day i woke up to my wife who went to put jr to bed and at the same time put a package at my feet. Well to hell with sleep i was into it like well sex and i enjoyed it too it was great, thank you so much i will cherish everything you sent me. you are the greatest, Love 8 to the infinite power R

Good night dearest ill write you a nice letter tomorrow to fill in some gaps that i made in my letters to you. Sweet dreams love. If things had been different we probably would never have met. So im glad that im in the situation im in now because it made it possible to meet youand become your best friend and closer then that. Love Always R

I believe in soul mates I know we are to

No I don’t drive only when I have to, well you were a dam good reason, and had to go out yesterday to get some more floss

The picture frames held up nicly no cracks or nothing. As for photos I have some good software for tweaking things around a little bit ill load one of your disks and go threw find one I really like tweak it and email it to you

lisa and became really good friends and one night I took he in to meet my dad and she had to use the rest room and my dad still playing the piano and carry on a conversation told me that iwas going to marry her I scoffed at the remark because I wasn’t going to marry her we were only friends well after that I let down my guard and fell deeply inlove with her

Well we were watching city of angles with Nicoles cage and meg ryan and when she got killed I got up shut it off and told her that I could not live with out her and proposed. Love you Baby. R

The latest from him: as of tonight:

I want you to know something, I did tel Lisa that I loved you but we talked into the night the love that I have for you is different then the love I have for Lisa, I asked her if I could make the dream catcher for you and she seid yes and ill be d*med if she didn’t start it last night under my guidance of what I wanted. But she know that I will never leave her again I don’t want to hurt you Jenna but she knows as do we that we cant and wont take it farther then it is and your right I cant do that to her again and I wont. But what you and I have is different if I new it was going to mess up my marriage again I wouldn’t let it go anyfurther. But we are friends, best friends, bester bestest best friends and I do love you but on a different level then that of Lisa

Jenna the tone of this letter is one of frustration im not angry or upset in any way im just sad the last thing I want in this world is to hurt you. Im not just a fantasy , I exist I breathe but im 3000 miles from you I am a real friend not one that will leave you just because im not happy about something or some whim. Im not a fantasy but the part of use being together in life is but we both no this this and new this.I’m sorry that T hurt you so much?….I am sorry that I have sadden you , I know how bad this circumstance sucks…I know its not fair im glad that you are honest and telling me things. By doing so you allow me to be honest and share my feelings with you. Im not sure what to say but I can say that I do love you and I do care about you but what can I do if I left lisa would you realy want a man that would just up and leave his wife and 3 children, nope id loose any respect you had for me hall id loose respect for my self. Ok im going to stop I don’t think im helping your situation. This planet has a billion some odd people on it your prince is here in in life and you will find him, your still young girl friend there is a much better fish out there then i. And no matter what you do silly bug im always here ill always be here for you the best that I can. And damit all I Have to meet you someday.

And ill d*mned if im going to stop writing you EVER. So don’t worry. I trust you; do what you need to do.

I know that you are hurting; I can see it in your words,
I hear it from your heart and I hear it from the birds,
They tell me everything that I need to know,
As im typing out this letter I know your need is great.
So feel free to talk to any one that will help you on this road,
A way that they can show you were you need to go.
8

CodeMaster

Hey I didnt read the whole letter, but I can tell your super happy and I'm really happy to see how happy you are even though I really dont know you. I hope destiny may bless you in ways you never knew possible.

Best wishes to you always...

KATIE77

Just be careful. At least you have your eyes open knowing he is married etc...
Who knows what our futures hold.

longrun04

This man is married!! If his marrage is so bad and he is talking to you then 1 he needs to leave his wife or 2 fix his marrage. My Aex-husband did the samething to me. For the past 14 months I have been dealing with the pain of that also. I was there for my husband any time he needed me. I do not care how unhappy I was at times when he was drinking, I would have never done anything to hurt him. One of the women that he was talking to before I left, was married also. Now she is now going through a divorce plus lost her there were 3 kids due to that. Oh did I tell you that there was 3 kids in my family.

minnie

Jenna, sweetie, why are you so focussed on someone so unavailable? Not only is he married (deal-breaker for me in the first instance), but he also lives so far away. I don't think either of things are a coincidence, do you?

guyinNC

The man is married...stay away! There is a reason God made Adultry one of the big ten. Even if you are not religious, the commandments are truism's of human existence. Follow them and your life and those lives you touch will be better.

Adultry causes so much pain..I know, I am living it. My wife cheated on me. She hurt me, her kids, the other man's wife, her family..everyone including herself.

Walk away......no..RUN!

longrun04

Well put GuyinNC

GettingBy

Jenna,

I didn't read all the things you pasted. I couldn't because I stopped at #1... he's married. Don't do it to yourself, or him, Jenna. Walk away and find someone much healthier. This is not a "friendship", this is an emotional affair. Very ugly, very damaging. If you really want to take care of you, then cease contact with this man.

Take what you like and leave the rest,
Shannon

Neasa

karma
Please don't pursue this, Jenna. Please don't rationalize & tell yourself lies about what this man & this "relationship" is all about.

If this man is sincere, he will do the honorable thing & cease contact with you, settle things with his wife, then & only then return to you.

I wonder what possessed you to post all this - maybe your inner Guide hoping to hear a reality check? Not bashing you, please don't think that, but I pray you'll save yourself.

susane1408

Jenna,
You so deserve a healthy relationship right now, listen to your friends here.
Aside from the fact that he's in a marriage ( A big 'Hands off' in my book) I get a feeling of dread in my stomach when I read his correspondence with you. In my own experience I have learnt to trust my gut instinct and I can see pain in this cyber relationship.
You deserve better girl.
(((Jenna)))

minnie

Susane - you're not wrong. It is full of "hooks" and red flags to me. In fact, so many that I decided that I just didn't have time to extract them as I am normally inclined to do. He is playing you like a fish on the end of a line, I'm afraid.

shutterbug

Thanks to everyone for your comments.

Longrun04 and Minnie - I understand...I do...I'm not the kind of person to fall in love with a married man in the first place. This isn't me. It was something totally unexpected. He came into my life in a VERY innocent and honest way to show support and caring to me for me during a difficult time and from the beginning there was just something almost magical behind our words. We understood each other like no one person had ever understood each of us. It was as if we had already known each other for ever.

Like I said, and you can see in the progression of his writings to me, we both started getting so attached to feeling so understood and cared about by each other that we knew we were starting to fall in love with each other and tried to turn it into a brotherly/sisterly love and that obvioulsy didn't work. We still fell in love with each other. We both thought about stopping talking to each other, but now in our lives...we are each other's only true friends. He is the only real friend I have to turn to and vice versa. We ARE literally BEST friends and neither of us wants to ever loose that, but we know that we shouldn't have this kind of love for each other. We both have the same illness and support each other daily like no body can who hasn't/doesn't walk in our shoes every day. We know and understand what living life like this is all about and what a HUGE struggle it is and for me....I've NEVER felt truly loved by anyone in my life. Everybody ALWAYS abandons/deserts me and that has been extremely painful all my life. In the last year, I've lost 2 best friends and one really good friend because of my illness...and here is someone who I know will never leave me, especially when I need someone the most to be there for me and listen to me and care what happens. I've been very suicidal lately and if it wasn't for him I wouldn't feel like I have anybody in this world really cares about me.

I feel I’m being pulled apart from feeling so loved by someone so beautiful and yet knowing that I shouldn’t and it’s not right to.

The weirdest part is that his wife knows everything and says she’s okay with it because it’s a different kind of love that he feels for me than he does for her and that she knows he will never leave her.

I don’t know. Minnie you are right. I SHOULDN"T be focused on this relationship with such a lovely, but unavailable person. That’s why I’m coming to you guys for guidance. I am your typical codie…this is just something I NEVER expected in a million years. I mean I’ve learned with the help of Al-anon that I totally do seek out men who are incapable of ever really loving me, usually because of alcohol or drugs, but here is a man who really DOES love me, but of course is unavailable to me. I just didn’t know how to keep the relationship strictly on a friend/supporter kind of thing…I tried…God knows I’ve tried! And so has he.

The last thing I EVER want to do is to cause problems in anyone’s marriage, ESPECIALLY when there are kids involved and I know that I won’t cause problems in his marriage b/c we both know that our relationship will NEVER be more than it is now…communicating by mail only.

My problems is how do I stop focusing on him so much and on how much he makes me feel loved and cared about? This is all stuff that hasn’t gotten out of hand in my mind, but I know it’s quickly heading that direction and I’m trying to stop myself from getting hurt here. Any suggestions on how I can do that without giving up such a wonderful friendship and support system?

Hugs,
Jenna

p.s. Longrun04 - I’m so sorry that my thread struck such a painful cord for you. I pray every night for God to take away my feelings of being "in" love with him and I can’t help but wonder if there’s some reason why God isn’t answering those prayers at this time (or maybe I’m using that to feel sort of justified? I don’t know…I just know that the way I feel for him feels like it was made in heaven, pure and honest and as perfect as love on this earth can be. I mean why would my Lord bring such a beautiful stranger into my life totally out of the blue and to have us feel so totally connected to each other and being able to completely understand each other if he didnt’ have a reason for it? Because it does feel that God had a hand in leading him into my life? I dunno. I understand your feelings and even though his wife says it doesn’t bother her…I don’t believe that because I know how I would feel in her situation and that’s what bothers me the most.

Anyway…I want you guys to feel like you can be completely frank with me on your thoughts cause God knows I don’t know what to do to keep from getting myself more attached to him.

Pick-a-name

Ditto.

At the very least, doesn't sound like he is very healthy. I can only see a flashing sign saying: Danger: Keep away! JMHO


(Truthfully, I probably shouldn't say this, but I thought; what a creep. Again, JMO)

minnie

So now you seek out those who won't do that to you, because they aren't available to you in the first place. He won't "leave" you because he's not with you.

You're worth more than this, hon. I wish you could realise that.

GettingBy

Are you sure she knows everything? Have you talked to her, or do you know this just from what he tells you? My instincts say that he's completely lying to you, and her. I'm willing to bet she doesn't know the truth, b/c I know that I, as a wife, would have a SERIOUS issue with my husband have an intimate relationship with another woman... especially if he tells me, "It's okay b/c it's a different kind of love than what I have for you!"

Think about that... how would YOU feel if your SO told you something like that? Would you say, "Oh, okay Sweetie! As long as you love me better!" I highly doubt it.

This whole situation is a big recipe for disaster... please, please, reconsider the damage this may do to you!

-Shannon

guyinNC

Shutterbug,

Its wrong, you know that! Stay away...you will only find hurt.

I think he is lying.....cheaters lie.

He will tell you what you want to hear, and he may believe it himself. But he is married!!! That is a covenant between him, his wife, and God.

If you do not listen...you will reap what you sow!

Note: I'm not a religious fanatic. These are simple truths.

shutterbug

Minnie...you're so right.

some of the other posts are hard to swallow because I'm honest enough with myself that I can see this situation from an outsider's point of view and I know what it looks like to people. But I TOTALLY didn't expect to hear people saying that he is a creep or using hooks. We both have very religious backgrounds...and I've questioned the whole adultery thing myself...but the Bible says that if a man has lust in his heart of another woman other than his wife then he is committing adultery, regardless of any physical acts/events. But there is NO lust involved in this relationship...it's all emotional like you guys have mentioned. So it's not adultery according to the Bible. I know that. And as far as cheating on his wife emotionally, well perhaps that is why this bothers me so much, because I do get a lot of his attentions, but I also tell him to spend time with his wife and try to tell him from a woman's perspective what it is that SHE is needing from him right now so that their marriage can get back on track.

I don't know...I know that I am and have been trying very hard to do the right thing through all of this...it may not look like it to you guys, but I have. And even if you have read all of his writings that I have posted here....those are only a drop in the bucket of everything that we've talked about between us and seeing just that little bit may look different to others than how I view those words.

But no matter, Minnie you are very very right. He most likely WON't leave me like everyone else has b/c he's not really with me to begin with. That makes sense to me....Like maybe I'm holding onto something that's not really there in order to maybe keep from getting really hurt again.

Guys...just please don't think this man is a bad person, because if you knew the real him that I know...you would understand that he is totally the complete opposite and is a very wonderful person who DOES love his wife and his family and doesnt' want to hurt them...that can be seen in just one example of how he asks his wife for permission to make me things and send them to me. She and the kids even helped him pack up a wonderful little package to me with the knife he made for me with my name written in gold lettering and a black and silver box with my initial painted in calligraphy. And she is already started helping him make the dream catcher that he is making for me...since he doesn't know how to braid, she's doing that part of it. And in my package to him I even sent a special gift just for her and a card to thank her for allowing me to be a part of her life in having the friendship with him (which he said she liked).

shutterbug

His wife DOES know...I know that for a fact.

Buster

You are setting yousefl up for more heartache - sever it NOW - he is married - nuff said