Who WOULD'NT fall in love with this one!!!!!
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
O my....
I suggest you find a therapist to discover why you choose unhealthy losers.
The only Dream Catcher this jerk can make for you will be full of nightmares!
The only Dream Catcher this jerk can make for you will be full of nightmares!
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
Originally Posted by shutterbug
My problems is how do I stop focusing on him so much and on how much he makes me feel loved and cared about? This is all stuff that hasn’t gotten out of hand in my mind, but I know it’s quickly heading that direction and I’m trying to stop myself from getting hurt here. Any suggestions on how I can do that without giving up such a wonderful friendship and support system?
A picture's worth a 1000 words
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: With any luck, I'm lost in a view finder
Posts: 2,954
Minnie....would you mind exstracting some of the hooks that you say his words are full of, just so I can try and understand what you mean?
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
Just a selection:
Poor guy, he's just misunderstood.
But you understand him.
That one is a classic for hooking a codie.
You know, the more I look at it, the harder it is to single out phrases. To me, almost every single word is either a hook or a red flag.
only a handful of people that i confide in unfortunately my wife isnt realy one of those
i feel the same i feel a strong connection to you and that scares me
i am not the person you read about there are more unpleasant things about me that i dont share.
You know, the more I look at it, the harder it is to single out phrases. To me, almost every single word is either a hook or a red flag.
A picture's worth a 1000 words
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: With any luck, I'm lost in a view finder
Posts: 2,954
hmmm...I'm gunna hafta roll things around in my head for a while.
I asked to be slapped back into reality...and boy does my face sting. But I appreciate you guys reaching out to help me...I dont' want to sound ungrateful I just didn't think this stuff would be this hard to hear.
Minnie...thanks...I'm sure this doesn't matter in the way things appear to you and others, but that last part you mentioned about him saying there are more unpleasant things about him that I didn't know about....well that came in response to me telling him (and myself) that falling in love with each other was unrealistic b/c we are only seeing "the good" things in each other....make sense?
anyway...I'm jsut gunna sit back for a while and wait to see where all the comments go from here....so I'll check back in later this evening.
Thanks again,
Hugs and God Bless,
Jenna
I asked to be slapped back into reality...and boy does my face sting. But I appreciate you guys reaching out to help me...I dont' want to sound ungrateful I just didn't think this stuff would be this hard to hear.
Minnie...thanks...I'm sure this doesn't matter in the way things appear to you and others, but that last part you mentioned about him saying there are more unpleasant things about him that I didn't know about....well that came in response to me telling him (and myself) that falling in love with each other was unrealistic b/c we are only seeing "the good" things in each other....make sense?
anyway...I'm jsut gunna sit back for a while and wait to see where all the comments go from here....so I'll check back in later this evening.
Thanks again,
Hugs and God Bless,
Jenna
Beyond the Ninth Wave
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 107
Man oh man - I usually avoid giving advice like the plague, but...Jenna, since you have said you're open to hearing, here are a few more of my thoughts, fwiw. It seems like a lot of folks here are real fond of you & that's a blessing. Though we don't yet know each other, something about you has a drawing power, if you will. I feel it & obviously so do the others who've posted here. I've noticed that most folks at SR seem to abide by the more detached-caring rules of recovery (forgive me, I don't yet know all the right language). But in this thread there are some very powerful & outspoken messages. That speaks volumes to me.
One thing that creeped me out about this guy is that he's even considering involving his kids in any way, shape or form in this. How dare he? Imagine how his kids might feel about that, either now, if they're old enough or later on.
Another thing to think about is this: whatever it is about you that draws loving, caring folks like these SR members who've posted, also draws him. It isn't only beings of Light who are attracted to Light, beings of Shadow are as well. How much Light do you suppose he has in his life? I'm not at all surprised he's seeking yours. It's called psychic vampirism & these people can smell blood thousands of miles away.
They know exactly what to say when, what tone to set, when to accelerate the pace, when to close in.
All his push-me-pull-you tactics & thwarted-love-desire angst is part of the scam. He may not even be doing it on purpose, at least not consciously, but I'd bet my last nickel this is what's going on.
You asking how to not lose him sounds to me like an alcoholic asking how they can get sober but still have a cocktail on Saturday night.
Voice of experience here. Praying for your safety & well-being.
One thing that creeped me out about this guy is that he's even considering involving his kids in any way, shape or form in this. How dare he? Imagine how his kids might feel about that, either now, if they're old enough or later on.
Another thing to think about is this: whatever it is about you that draws loving, caring folks like these SR members who've posted, also draws him. It isn't only beings of Light who are attracted to Light, beings of Shadow are as well. How much Light do you suppose he has in his life? I'm not at all surprised he's seeking yours. It's called psychic vampirism & these people can smell blood thousands of miles away.
They know exactly what to say when, what tone to set, when to accelerate the pace, when to close in.
All his push-me-pull-you tactics & thwarted-love-desire angst is part of the scam. He may not even be doing it on purpose, at least not consciously, but I'd bet my last nickel this is what's going on.
You asking how to not lose him sounds to me like an alcoholic asking how they can get sober but still have a cocktail on Saturday night.
Voice of experience here. Praying for your safety & well-being.
Searching and tripping
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Back in my head
Posts: 1,194
She and the kids even helped him pack up a wonderful little package to me with the knife he made for me with my name written in gold lettering and a black and silver box with my initial painted in calligraphy. And she is already started helping him make the dream catcher that he is making for me...since he doesn't know how to braid, she's doing that part of it.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: uk
Posts: 3,054
Write me off as a suspicious old cow - but have you ever met him?
You only have his word for everything - including the involvment of his wife and family. Trust shouldn't be black and white, it should grow slowly as you know someone, get a few dents because no human being can be perfectly trustworthy, recover, grow a little more etc etc. I wouldn't hand that quantity over all at once - you seem to have no doubt in anything he says.
Look after yourself, offer yourself a little protection, you're worth it!
You only have his word for everything - including the involvment of his wife and family. Trust shouldn't be black and white, it should grow slowly as you know someone, get a few dents because no human being can be perfectly trustworthy, recover, grow a little more etc etc. I wouldn't hand that quantity over all at once - you seem to have no doubt in anything he says.
Look after yourself, offer yourself a little protection, you're worth it!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Sussex, NJ
Posts: 1,331
Jesus God, have you ever "met" this man in person? He could be some psycho with access to a library computer .... he could be a she? he could be a kid? He could be an inmate in a high security prison ..... Good Lord ...... have you ever met him in person?
sigh ..........
There are so many threads here about men cheating on their wives and visa versa ..... don't you read the pain these actions have caused others? Do you realize you are part of causing pain to someone else?
How can you dare to quote the Bible or use the Bibles words to justify your actions and his actions? This is just totally ludicrous.
But to answer the title of this thread ....... Me ..... I could never ever fall for someone like this ...... ugh, it's too horrifying!
sigh ..........
There are so many threads here about men cheating on their wives and visa versa ..... don't you read the pain these actions have caused others? Do you realize you are part of causing pain to someone else?
but the Bible says that if a man has lust in his heart of another woman other than his wife then he is committing adultery, regardless of any physical acts/events.
But to answer the title of this thread ....... Me ..... I could never ever fall for someone like this ...... ugh, it's too horrifying!
Acting not reacting
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: My happy place
Posts: 1,788
Hon, read the words he says. He tells you over and over and over that he can not and will not be with you. You are playing with fire. I am a little unnerved that you find this to be acceptable behavior with a married man, but I suppose thats not a very supportive thing to say. I find it interesting that you chose to not share with us what you said to him.
This man is sick. How did you meet him? I for one think its a huge disservice you are doing yourself to think this is a quiality man.
More importantly, it speaks VOLUMES About your self esteem. Go out there and find a man who wants to love ONLY YOU.
He is a liar, manipulator, and fyi, infidelity is a touchy subject and many people here have been cheated on.
This man is sick. How did you meet him? I for one think its a huge disservice you are doing yourself to think this is a quiality man.
More importantly, it speaks VOLUMES About your self esteem. Go out there and find a man who wants to love ONLY YOU.
He is a liar, manipulator, and fyi, infidelity is a touchy subject and many people here have been cheated on.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Moving east
Posts: 217
shutterbug, this is only my opinion and this is what it sounds like to me. A whole lot of BS. I wouldn't believe a word he writes. If he is married and can sit at a computer and write all that to you why couldn't he 1. use all that time and energy to work on his marriage? 2. be a real man and let his wife go if he's that unhappy? As the others said "RUN", block his emails, do whatever it takes. How do you know that there aren't 100 other women that he's emailing and just doing a copy and paste and only changing the names and a few words? You deserve better than that. JMO
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
*sighs*
OK.... I really dont want to write this, the reason being is Im not proud of it at all. This is a person I use to be, not who I am today.
About 5 years ago, I was divorced about 3 years... a single mom and very lonely and unhappy. I started playing computer games and met a man in this game. He was married and one of the things that attracted me was how much he loved his wife, all the things he said he did for her. For about 6 months we were just friends.... of course his wife and he were having "problems" and I would give him advice that of course never worked. I could not understand how this women could be so blind to how AMAZING this man was. We became bestfriends.... no one knew me better I thought and it was soooo wonderful to know he was there and loved me as a "friend"
Well after about 6 months... of playing this game together, writing each other all the time etc... we fell in love.... of course he was a faithful man.. and would not do anything to hurt his wife... this made me love him more. MAKE NO MISTAKE we were having an emotional affair. I was the OW even though I managed to convience myself that there was nothing wrong with our "friendship" after about 6 months we decided to meet... of course you know what happened. OHHHH the heartach he told me he was going through, He loved his wife and could not believe he had done that... we went on and on about it... how it could never happen again, how we could never be together... he told me he confessed to his wife and they had alot to work through, but he just could/would not give up our "frienship". After a few more months he told me that they were over, that he could not put the marriage right and he was in love with me... He told me that they were sleeping in seperate bedrooms and filing for a divorce. I would even call him, she would answer and I asked for him... From what I was told she knew all about me.
Now let me tell you what was really happening. She did not know about me... he only told her what he wanted her to hear, and he pulled me in hook line and sinker. There is alot more to this story, it gets much worse. But what is true is that you really can not know a person over the internet.... this man was what is called a Patholigocial Lier. I can not even tell you the havoc he created in my life, not to mention his wifes life. Thank God they did not have kids. After about 9 months of this and more red flags then I could count... I finally got the nerve up to call and talk to his wife. BOY was I supprised, hurt .... it was all lies.
They ended up seperating, I was stupid enough to not to run... The hurt caused by all that was long reaching and extreemly painful to everyone... even my daughter. I could not believe the lengths he went to ....
I cant tell you what is true for you. I can only tell you my story and hope that you see how similiar it is. I can only tell you have much pain that caused .... that I only had myself to blame because HE WAS MARRIED, he was CHEATING... even if we had not met it was still CHEATING... that should have told me from the start the type of man he was. He said all the same things you "friend" is saying to you... sent me gifts, I sent him gifts... etc. SHE NEVER KNEW, till much later.... HE LIED, and did it sooooo well.
Trust me I would not write this if I did not see so many of the same RED FLAGS, I did read all the things he wrote.... I really did not want to revisit this part of my life, Im SO embarrased by it... but I have forgiven myself, and learned from that mistake. Im hoping by sharing this to maybe help you not to make my mistakes.
Take what you want and leave the rest.............. but above all really think about what your doing.
OK.... I really dont want to write this, the reason being is Im not proud of it at all. This is a person I use to be, not who I am today.
About 5 years ago, I was divorced about 3 years... a single mom and very lonely and unhappy. I started playing computer games and met a man in this game. He was married and one of the things that attracted me was how much he loved his wife, all the things he said he did for her. For about 6 months we were just friends.... of course his wife and he were having "problems" and I would give him advice that of course never worked. I could not understand how this women could be so blind to how AMAZING this man was. We became bestfriends.... no one knew me better I thought and it was soooo wonderful to know he was there and loved me as a "friend"
Well after about 6 months... of playing this game together, writing each other all the time etc... we fell in love.... of course he was a faithful man.. and would not do anything to hurt his wife... this made me love him more. MAKE NO MISTAKE we were having an emotional affair. I was the OW even though I managed to convience myself that there was nothing wrong with our "friendship" after about 6 months we decided to meet... of course you know what happened. OHHHH the heartach he told me he was going through, He loved his wife and could not believe he had done that... we went on and on about it... how it could never happen again, how we could never be together... he told me he confessed to his wife and they had alot to work through, but he just could/would not give up our "frienship". After a few more months he told me that they were over, that he could not put the marriage right and he was in love with me... He told me that they were sleeping in seperate bedrooms and filing for a divorce. I would even call him, she would answer and I asked for him... From what I was told she knew all about me.
Now let me tell you what was really happening. She did not know about me... he only told her what he wanted her to hear, and he pulled me in hook line and sinker. There is alot more to this story, it gets much worse. But what is true is that you really can not know a person over the internet.... this man was what is called a Patholigocial Lier. I can not even tell you the havoc he created in my life, not to mention his wifes life. Thank God they did not have kids. After about 9 months of this and more red flags then I could count... I finally got the nerve up to call and talk to his wife. BOY was I supprised, hurt .... it was all lies.
They ended up seperating, I was stupid enough to not to run... The hurt caused by all that was long reaching and extreemly painful to everyone... even my daughter. I could not believe the lengths he went to ....
I cant tell you what is true for you. I can only tell you my story and hope that you see how similiar it is. I can only tell you have much pain that caused .... that I only had myself to blame because HE WAS MARRIED, he was CHEATING... even if we had not met it was still CHEATING... that should have told me from the start the type of man he was. He said all the same things you "friend" is saying to you... sent me gifts, I sent him gifts... etc. SHE NEVER KNEW, till much later.... HE LIED, and did it sooooo well.
Trust me I would not write this if I did not see so many of the same RED FLAGS, I did read all the things he wrote.... I really did not want to revisit this part of my life, Im SO embarrased by it... but I have forgiven myself, and learned from that mistake. Im hoping by sharing this to maybe help you not to make my mistakes.
Take what you want and leave the rest.............. but above all really think about what your doing.
Occasional poor taste poster
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,542
OK - My 1st wife got hooked on internet chat rooms, they all eventually turn into sexual conversations. She stumbled onto a BSDM chat room and would sit at the computer for HOURS. Ignoring the kids and this was NOT AT ALL like her. She eventually told me she has discovered she is a submissive, has been all her life, never realized there was entire community of folks just like her. She asked if I would mind if we had an "open" marriage so she could travel out of town once a month to be "trained" by a "DOM". She gave me permission to "date" so it would be equal. Needless to say, we were separated and divorced soon after.
I have a real problem w/ internet type relationships, the feelings are real, the hurt is real, families are destroyed for real. Just say no...
BTW, why are you posting this?!?! Looking for validation? You know this is messed up girl!
I have a real problem w/ internet type relationships, the feelings are real, the hurt is real, families are destroyed for real. Just say no...
BTW, why are you posting this?!?! Looking for validation? You know this is messed up girl!
A picture's worth a 1000 words
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: With any luck, I'm lost in a view finder
Posts: 2,954
Okay guys….I’m not a bad person and if you knew me from my other threads you would understand that, however…what I AM is really weak. Which is why I have come to you all for help, love and support. I am a pretty hightly educated and intellegent person (from the mouths of other) and if I didn’t truly want to revcovery from my severe codie ways then I would have never even bothered to open myself up to redicule…the fact that I have SHOULD tell you something!
I mean just look at Cynay’s VERY similar story! Even though it’s in her past…she still found it difficult to tell that part of her life and herself and says she still feels embarrasment for it. Now look at what I’m putting out here!!! I’m OBVIOUSLY trying to nip this in the bud before it truly ends up hurting myself or others and/or from ever going to the point that it did with you Cynay…so don’t I deserve at least a little respect for the fact that this situation I’m in DOES bother me?!? Where’s the praise for me being strong enough to put this all out there WHILE I’m still in the middle of it and seeking help????!!!!!! (P.S….Cynay….thanks bunches for telling your story since it is so much like mine…and that could be a possiblity of what’s going on here, but I truly with all my heart don’t think so. P.S.S. You’re real name wouldn’t happen to start with a T or an N would it?)
Believe me when I say that no one can beat me up about any of this more than I already have and continue to do. And as a few of you noticed…my real problem is an already low self-esteem….so why in the world would some of you try to knock me down when I’m reaching out for help here! I mean some of you have been wonderful and some of you have been down right vicious.
I mean, yes, I absolutely did say that I wanted people to be frank and honest with me…BUT NEVER did I say it was OK to be cruel to me! One of you even went so far as to say something about how dare I use the Bible to justify this! I NEVER said the Bible is how I’m justifying this. What I DID say was that according to the Bible what is/has transpired between us IS NOT ADULTERY!!!!!! Because we are NOT lusting after each other.
Maybe I just got too comfortable dealing with all the very wonderful peeps on my home forum and didn’t realize that not everyone out here is capable of supporting others and helping them without judging them and trying to bring them down further – I don’t want your judgment or emotional baggage…I’ve got enough of my own to deal with obviously…so don’t use your experiences as justification to condemn me. Guess all this really makes me appreciate the peeps in my home forum much, much more cause they all try not to hurt me when I’m asking for help.
Let me just say EXACTLY what I’m asking for: I’m looking for knowledge, guidance, support, help, and kind and loving suggestions.
And I don’t appreciate this lovely man being called a liar, creep, manipulator, perv, sick or anything else like that. You guys have only read a small selection of our conversations and therefore I understand how you might see things differently, and that’s okay…if my thinking is as totally unhealthy as you all seem to think…then I obviously do need to come to some stark realizations, not just for this situation, but for any future relationships…even with girl friends. That said, I do realize that there could be a possibility that he is not who he says he is and is not being completely honest with me….but I’m pretty damn good at picking up when I’m being lied to. That’s one of the biggest and almost unforgivable things with me and I have even studied about liars and how to tell when someone is lying to you…it’s been a while since I read up on it so I could be rusty, but God has always been good to me and when I pray to be shown the truth, the absolute truth…he always does…and every bit of me believes that this man is a very beautiful and loving and honest person. But I’ve never been one to say that I’ve never been wrong…so there is always a possibility that I am and that God has chosen not to reveal that to me yet for some reason.
Elizabeth thank you for your support…I did include some of my words to him…I didn’t include very many because I don’t need help at the moment with what I said….rather it is his words that have made me fall in love with him and so I thought that was what was important to share. I have no problems pasting in here every word I’ve ever said to him if that’s what you guys would like to see, but the truth is that people don’t usually read long posts as it is….and this post was long enough already.
And what you said is what the truth comes down to…is that even though I don’t feel like I have sinned by having the very innocent, yet loving, type of conversations we have had…I do feel that this is unacceptable behavior for ME (which is ultimately all that matters). I was blind-sided by the direction this supportive relationship turned…and my "Cinderella Complex" kicked in high gear and is trying to run away to fantasy land with my heart and mind.
And guys…I too have been cheated on more times than I care to count and they have left me broken…that’s why this whole thing DOES bother me. Because even though his wife is saying that she doesn’t’ have a problem with this…that part I don’t believe. I don’t know what motivations or reasons she would have not to admit that this hurts her, but she hasn’t…and I believe that she hasn’t said that it is hurting her. That all said…and because I believe it is hurting her is one of the 2 main reasons why I have come to you guys for help: #1 so that I don’t get hurt and #2 so that she doesn’t. And then you guys would just say….so get away from the situation. Easy for someone who’s not in my shoes to say that. It’s hard for me to pull away from someone who brings me such joy on a daily basis and who lifts my spirits and makes me feel good about myself. And that’s what ultimately makes two people fall in love…is when they make each other feel good about themselves.
Maybe you guys are reading this and saying, "OMGosh, she is in complete denial" I dont’ think I am. I think I know what is going on, but that I am very weak and feel I need this person in my daily life to keep me from wanting to kill myself because I feel nobody else in this world cares, truly cares if I live or die…for my family it would be a huge burden removed. And for whatever heartache they would go through…I’ve been in those shoes and I know that the severe depression and low self-esteem and recent job loss and hospitalizations has brought much, much more pain and heartache to me this past year than that of loosing a family member (which I did lose the only mother role-model to me in my life in 2001…so I know what that’s like)
Guys…all I’ve focused on this past year is my total recovery efforts on all possible fronts. I am almost obsessive about my recovery efforts. I’m in weekly counseling, monthly and sometimes bi-monthly doctors appointments, I just recently help get the only depression group therapy system set up in my town (and have much more plans for that effort), I’m even going to pay money I dont’ have to go see my old psychologist next week, I read as much info as I can get my hands on and have the energy to read, and I do a lot of work in my home forum here. There are many more things that I’ve done on top of that like attending Al-anon meetings (though I haven’t had regular attendance lately and am trying to push myself to get back into the swing of that) and even spent several months and thousands of dollars on day treatment for my depression and problems with relationships.
So please just don’t assume that this is something that I don’t feel bad about and dont’ want to fix. I want to become the most healthy person I possibly can…and THAT is why I’m here. But maybe I posted this in the wrong thread since so many of you have such very emotional responses to my situation…dont’ know what thread would have been more suited unless it would be the adult children of alcoholics forum.
Anyway…I don’t mean to seem ungrateful for each and every one of you. I know you mean well…there’s just a difference between being frank with me and being cruel and hurtful and I guess I should have made that clear when I asked for it….my bad.
Anyway, nuf said for now I suppose
Hugs,
Jenna
I mean just look at Cynay’s VERY similar story! Even though it’s in her past…she still found it difficult to tell that part of her life and herself and says she still feels embarrasment for it. Now look at what I’m putting out here!!! I’m OBVIOUSLY trying to nip this in the bud before it truly ends up hurting myself or others and/or from ever going to the point that it did with you Cynay…so don’t I deserve at least a little respect for the fact that this situation I’m in DOES bother me?!? Where’s the praise for me being strong enough to put this all out there WHILE I’m still in the middle of it and seeking help????!!!!!! (P.S….Cynay….thanks bunches for telling your story since it is so much like mine…and that could be a possiblity of what’s going on here, but I truly with all my heart don’t think so. P.S.S. You’re real name wouldn’t happen to start with a T or an N would it?)
Believe me when I say that no one can beat me up about any of this more than I already have and continue to do. And as a few of you noticed…my real problem is an already low self-esteem….so why in the world would some of you try to knock me down when I’m reaching out for help here! I mean some of you have been wonderful and some of you have been down right vicious.
I mean, yes, I absolutely did say that I wanted people to be frank and honest with me…BUT NEVER did I say it was OK to be cruel to me! One of you even went so far as to say something about how dare I use the Bible to justify this! I NEVER said the Bible is how I’m justifying this. What I DID say was that according to the Bible what is/has transpired between us IS NOT ADULTERY!!!!!! Because we are NOT lusting after each other.
Maybe I just got too comfortable dealing with all the very wonderful peeps on my home forum and didn’t realize that not everyone out here is capable of supporting others and helping them without judging them and trying to bring them down further – I don’t want your judgment or emotional baggage…I’ve got enough of my own to deal with obviously…so don’t use your experiences as justification to condemn me. Guess all this really makes me appreciate the peeps in my home forum much, much more cause they all try not to hurt me when I’m asking for help.
Let me just say EXACTLY what I’m asking for: I’m looking for knowledge, guidance, support, help, and kind and loving suggestions.
And I don’t appreciate this lovely man being called a liar, creep, manipulator, perv, sick or anything else like that. You guys have only read a small selection of our conversations and therefore I understand how you might see things differently, and that’s okay…if my thinking is as totally unhealthy as you all seem to think…then I obviously do need to come to some stark realizations, not just for this situation, but for any future relationships…even with girl friends. That said, I do realize that there could be a possibility that he is not who he says he is and is not being completely honest with me….but I’m pretty damn good at picking up when I’m being lied to. That’s one of the biggest and almost unforgivable things with me and I have even studied about liars and how to tell when someone is lying to you…it’s been a while since I read up on it so I could be rusty, but God has always been good to me and when I pray to be shown the truth, the absolute truth…he always does…and every bit of me believes that this man is a very beautiful and loving and honest person. But I’ve never been one to say that I’ve never been wrong…so there is always a possibility that I am and that God has chosen not to reveal that to me yet for some reason.
Elizabeth thank you for your support…I did include some of my words to him…I didn’t include very many because I don’t need help at the moment with what I said….rather it is his words that have made me fall in love with him and so I thought that was what was important to share. I have no problems pasting in here every word I’ve ever said to him if that’s what you guys would like to see, but the truth is that people don’t usually read long posts as it is….and this post was long enough already.
And what you said is what the truth comes down to…is that even though I don’t feel like I have sinned by having the very innocent, yet loving, type of conversations we have had…I do feel that this is unacceptable behavior for ME (which is ultimately all that matters). I was blind-sided by the direction this supportive relationship turned…and my "Cinderella Complex" kicked in high gear and is trying to run away to fantasy land with my heart and mind.
And guys…I too have been cheated on more times than I care to count and they have left me broken…that’s why this whole thing DOES bother me. Because even though his wife is saying that she doesn’t’ have a problem with this…that part I don’t believe. I don’t know what motivations or reasons she would have not to admit that this hurts her, but she hasn’t…and I believe that she hasn’t said that it is hurting her. That all said…and because I believe it is hurting her is one of the 2 main reasons why I have come to you guys for help: #1 so that I don’t get hurt and #2 so that she doesn’t. And then you guys would just say….so get away from the situation. Easy for someone who’s not in my shoes to say that. It’s hard for me to pull away from someone who brings me such joy on a daily basis and who lifts my spirits and makes me feel good about myself. And that’s what ultimately makes two people fall in love…is when they make each other feel good about themselves.
Maybe you guys are reading this and saying, "OMGosh, she is in complete denial" I dont’ think I am. I think I know what is going on, but that I am very weak and feel I need this person in my daily life to keep me from wanting to kill myself because I feel nobody else in this world cares, truly cares if I live or die…for my family it would be a huge burden removed. And for whatever heartache they would go through…I’ve been in those shoes and I know that the severe depression and low self-esteem and recent job loss and hospitalizations has brought much, much more pain and heartache to me this past year than that of loosing a family member (which I did lose the only mother role-model to me in my life in 2001…so I know what that’s like)
Guys…all I’ve focused on this past year is my total recovery efforts on all possible fronts. I am almost obsessive about my recovery efforts. I’m in weekly counseling, monthly and sometimes bi-monthly doctors appointments, I just recently help get the only depression group therapy system set up in my town (and have much more plans for that effort), I’m even going to pay money I dont’ have to go see my old psychologist next week, I read as much info as I can get my hands on and have the energy to read, and I do a lot of work in my home forum here. There are many more things that I’ve done on top of that like attending Al-anon meetings (though I haven’t had regular attendance lately and am trying to push myself to get back into the swing of that) and even spent several months and thousands of dollars on day treatment for my depression and problems with relationships.
So please just don’t assume that this is something that I don’t feel bad about and dont’ want to fix. I want to become the most healthy person I possibly can…and THAT is why I’m here. But maybe I posted this in the wrong thread since so many of you have such very emotional responses to my situation…dont’ know what thread would have been more suited unless it would be the adult children of alcoholics forum.
Anyway…I don’t mean to seem ungrateful for each and every one of you. I know you mean well…there’s just a difference between being frank with me and being cruel and hurtful and I guess I should have made that clear when I asked for it….my bad.
Anyway, nuf said for now I suppose
Hugs,
Jenna
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