Just thought I'd share....

Old 10-03-2005, 08:54 PM
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Just thought I'd share....

I found this yesterday as I was digging through some old paperwork. Unfortunately I didn't date it, but thought I'd share with you all. Perhaps giving some of the newbies ideas on where to start when making boundaries.

My Boundaries

1) There will be no alcohol brought into my home or used on my property
2) No one has the right to physically hurt me (Unless defending themselves which should never be an issue)
3) No one has the right to be verbally abusive to me in any form.
4) I shall no longer take care of anyone else's financial mistakes.
5) I shall no longer suffer for someone else's words, actions, mistakes.
6) I shall no longer be made or encouraged to take the blame for what another preson does.
7) I shall not clean up messes (physical or bodily) of another person due to drug/alcohol use.
8) I shall not allow someone to degrade me in a way that makes me feel less than I am.
9) I shall not accept someone calling me degrading negative names.
10) I will not allow someone to treat others better than me if they are in a committed relationship with me.
11) I will not allow anyone to hurt my children. Physically or mentally if I can help it.
12) I will not participate in any partying
13) I shall not give up having a life for another person ever again.
14) I will not allow an intoxicated person into my life
15) I will not do what others expect, suggest, or demand if I don't want too
16) I shall not allow disrepectful treatment
17) I expect/demand that a preson's actions add up to their words or I will not accept it. words alone are not enough if you are to be a part of my life.
18) I will not allow anyone to diminish my spirituality
19) I will not allow others negative thoughts or opinions about me influence how I feel about myself or who I am.
20) I will not allow anothers influence to get me to do something I feel is morally/ethically wrong.
21) I shall not compare myself negatively towards others in a comparison type of way. Nor will I allow someone to make me feel less than, because I do not measure up to someone else in comparison in their opinion.
22) I shall not give myself away (such as to lose myself in another person)

The next sentence was only partially finished so apparently I wasn't done with this list. Nor do I doubt that I couldn't or won't add to this list.
I just thought it was interesting when I found it so thought I'd share.
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Old 10-04-2005, 05:42 AM
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I agree

Perfect!! I agree with all your points!
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Old 10-04-2005, 07:21 PM
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Thanks guyinNC.
I remember in the very beginning of my trying to get my act together (as I thought of it back then, didn't use the word "recovery"), it was so hard for me to know what a boundary was, let alone how to even begin to apply it.
This is why I wish I had dated the paper. There was also another paper that I had titled "Things to work on" and had some things that I wanted to improve on about myself and my actions. As I re-read it, I saw some that I've done really well on - and others that I still need a lot of work on.
I had started a journal not long after Ah had moved out. I threw it out about a month or so after he'd left as it just seemed so depressing. I sometimes wish I had it still and had continued it so that I could see how much I've grown - but at the same time, maybe it's good that I didn't. Maybe I threw it out for a reason that is beyond my knowing.
Regardless, as I said, I just thought maybe this could help out a newbie or two. I know that boundaries are so very hard when you've never really had any.
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Old 10-05-2005, 12:41 AM
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Great list, SS.

When I moved in March, I found a workbook from a personal development course I went on almost 10 years ago (way before I even knew my ex existed.) It made quite chilling reading, actually. I can pick out a lot of codie and perfectionist themes now, but really couldn't see the patterns back then.

Always interesting to see how far we've come.
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