Recover or Complain?
too much on my plate!!
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: not kissing frogs anymore
Posts: 646
Originally Posted by Gooch
nor baffled by the behaviours of the codies who spin out when the alkies they love finally sober up.
(duckin and runnin.)
(duckin and runnin.)
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: uk
Posts: 3,054
The purpose of this forum is stated as, "Are you a friend, family member or loved one of someone who is or may be alcoholic? Get support, help and information."
It does not say take the advice given to you or else get out.
It does not say take the advice given to you or else get out.
Get support, help and information
As for vents - when they are about just one individual I get that, but sometimes when it's broadened to ALL alcoholics I wonder if maybe a little reminder that this is for family and friends of alcoholics might come in useful? I'm not sure though because as yet my first feeling is to try and be supportive, helpful and informative and I haven't yet figured out how to point out that name calling or gross generalisations don't help while still doing that.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 491
Originally Posted by Gooch
nor baffled by the behaviours of the codies who spin out when the alkies they love finally sober up.
(duckin and runnin.)
(duckin and runnin.)
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: uk
Posts: 3,054
Dividing into two seperate camps will never help - we are far more alike than different. We have hopes and dreams, cruelty hurts us, kindness and care heals us, we want to believe in ourselves, we want to live and be happy. That's only the begining - we both have two eyes and one nose and whether we consider ourselves in the same camp or a different one, none of us have lived each other's lives so it's a fools game to think 'this group' of people reflects me and 'that group' doesn't.
If we want to bridge the gaps between us we can only get there by talking and listening with an open heart, we all have our individual stories to tell
If we want to bridge the gaps between us we can only get there by talking and listening with an open heart, we all have our individual stories to tell
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
Originally Posted by CodeMaster
Something to do with them leaving the entire family behind??? dunno...
Another one could also be that without knowing it sometimes, codies and anons have acquired in the active alki/addict the ultimate renovation project/punching bag combo.
If the addict removes from the dynamic what needs to be fixed, then the outlet for the codie is gone.
In some cases, taking away an active drunk from a codie/anon is like taking away a bottle from me in the middle of a binge.
It's how it was some days with my ex-wife.
Family disease?
That's how it played out for me.
(Start the car, Gooch)
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
Dan - I see that time and time again, both on here and IRL. Until I recognised the reasons why I was with my ex (and he with me), there was no hope of healing. I needed a project, he needed an enabler and rescuer. That was why it felt so right in the beginning - we truly were "soul mates" but for a terribly destructive reason.
And I am constantly amazed that people in recovery stay together - after all, the original dynamics have changed and must be replaced with something else. It is a miracle that the "something else" is discovered, imo.
And I am constantly amazed that people in recovery stay together - after all, the original dynamics have changed and must be replaced with something else. It is a miracle that the "something else" is discovered, imo.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: uk
Posts: 3,054
after all, the original dynamics have changed and must be replaced with something else.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
Sorry, I was sloppy in what I wrote. What I meant to say was in relationships similar to that of my ex and I, where the original dynamic is not love (at its core), but a destructive mutual dependency. And that is more common than I really like to acknowledge to myself.
Oh, and I thought it was love. I can now see how deluded I was. I think that's probably for another thread.
Oh, and I thought it was love. I can now see how deluded I was. I think that's probably for another thread.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
And you're absolutely right to pick me up on that. One of the many things I have learnt from you is to be very careful with generalisation. In fact, I usually screen my post asking "what would equus say to this?". It helps me temper my words. Thanks for the reminder.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
I wish we all had a usb port. Like when I connect my i-river to my lap top and can look at the files. Wish we could do that with each other - would be so much easier.
And defragging - how I wish I could defrag my mind sometimes.
And defragging - how I wish I could defrag my mind sometimes.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: uk
Posts: 3,054
And defragging - how I wish I could defrag my mind sometimes.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
Dance your cares away,
Worry's for another day.
Let the music play,
Down at Fraggle Rock.
Work your cares away,
Dancing's for another day.
Let the Fraggles play,
We're Gobo, Mokey, Wembley, Boober, Red.
Dance your cares away,
Worry's for another day.
Let the music play,
Down at Fraggle Rock.
I'm off dancing.
Worry's for another day.
Let the music play,
Down at Fraggle Rock.
Work your cares away,
Dancing's for another day.
Let the Fraggles play,
We're Gobo, Mokey, Wembley, Boober, Red.
Dance your cares away,
Worry's for another day.
Let the music play,
Down at Fraggle Rock.
I'm off dancing.
1000 Post Club
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Recoveryville, USA
Posts: 1,297
Originally Posted by Cazza
The purpose of this forum is stated as, "Are you a friend, family member or loved one of someone who is or may be alcoholic? Get support, help and information."
It does not say take the advice given to you or else get out.
It does not say take the advice given to you or else get out.
Simple question. Here to compalin or recover...big difference between the two.
Part of recovery is to complain, vent, rage,,whatever. The important part is to be willing.
You got willingness?
Acting not reacting
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: My happy place
Posts: 1,788
FOB, I couldnt agree more with your question. I do my share of complaining yes. But, I sometimes get a little frustrated that there are not more posts including eduational tools, deeper thought invoking threads, step work etc. I for example have the Al Anon 12 steps, but always feel like I want to discuss it with others and get their view on it. Sure I could go to a meeting and do it, but I like the people here and value their opinion more. Maybe I need a sponsor for that, who knows.
My point is there should be both, complaining and growth. Who wants to sit around a complain while doing nothing about it? I dont and if I did that would just make it more clear that I needed some help
My point is there should be both, complaining and growth. Who wants to sit around a complain while doing nothing about it? I dont and if I did that would just make it more clear that I needed some help
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
