Brammy

Before I start venting, let me say 'Hi All'. So here goes the vent.

My ABF (fiance') has been trying very hard not to drink. I bellieve that what causes him to drink is tht he never learned to express his feelings openly. His pat reply in times of trouble is 'Every thing will be fine'. I finally got him to start talking and opening up about a few things and the drinking was seriously on the decline. In steps his big sister.

My ABF works as a building contractor. Sitting home two weeks ago Saturday, I got a call from his sis that a friend of hers wanted him to do some work for her down in Ft. Walton Beach. I was thrilled since he seemes happiest when he has a lot of work to do. The job was supposed to last a week at most. The money was good and he supports his family financially.

It wasn't until after the fact that I learned the situation he was being sent in to required him to work with another A who's idea of starting the day includes a twelve-pack of beer before work. How many of you can figure out how that worked out? Any way my life has been living hell listening to his slurring and abuse on a nightly basis. I finally decided to end it.

So why am I angry? His sister claims to care about him and knew that his drinking was the root of all the problems in our relationship. She grew up in the same alcoholic household that he did so she should have known better. She also knew that we had been talking about getting him into treatment. I feel that she just threw everything he and I had worked for out the window by putting him in that situation all for the sake of a dollar. He sends all his money except that he needs for bare necesseties home. Had I known that the beer would be flowing like water, I would have protested him going which is probably why she didn't tell me.

I know that there was no guarantee that he would have gotten sober but he had at least begun to entertain the idea. HE is a wonderful person that I would have loved to share a sober life with. Now that he is there and there is no pressure about the drinking he has decided that there is enough work down there to stay a while.

I am angry damnit!!! I feel I have every right to be.

Cynay

Welcome back...

Anger away hon... it hurts like hell, I suggest crying and beating up pillows too...

Sweets you have to know that his drinking is his choice, he might still be entertaining the idea of stoping but its all quack quack till they do it. They lie hon, Im sorry I also remember a time I thought that my ex and I could have had a great future... it was SO hard to come to grips that he had a different agenda, and it did not include me.

*hugs* and know that one day at a time it will get better... maybe think about getting some support with counceling or Al-anon ?? This disease is such a struggle in every way.

Brammy

Thanks for responding. I know that what you say is true. I'm just angry because we had worked so hard to get to the place were had finally come to. He never talked. I was finally able to start asking the hard questions about what drinking had cost him without him going ballistic. I believe that he was almost at the point were he wanted to try and change to get back the relationships he'd lost.

How can you send an alcoholic into a situation were you know that they are going into constant exposure. I'm not even sure he knew. He was greeted on his new job by 3 cases of beer in his quarters. I've seen the struggle he's been going through trying to quit. I could see his cravings on his face. Now everything is ruined, all our progress. With the progress went any hope for the future.

I'm not holding on just angry for the loss.

Margo

Cynay

I know its not much... but MAYBE he is right where he needs to be... maybe this time will be his rock bottom and he will get the help he really needs.... no more fence riding.

I have heard A's say that once they hit the bottom, no one had to convience them to get help... they KNEW, and they started doing what they had to do. He must not be there if he stayed in a "slippery place" He could have seen that and turned around and walked away... he could have come home, called you to come get him. He choose to stay there and start drinking.

I know about building a future... my ex-abf started with NOTHING.... when I left we are a pretty darn good business going and it had the potional to be exceptional. I spent SO many hours working on the business side of that and last I heard he had let alot of it go. Its been 4 months since I had contact with him, I dont know how he is doing now... but I was REALLY ANGRY that I put so much time into that just for it to be blown.... I know the feeling well.

I just swallowed some hard pills is all, accepted responsibility for my part in it.... realized who/what he is ... got educated and started healing.... You will have to find the same steps for you.... when your ready.

Right now just work through the anger and know,........ ITS NOT YOUR FAULT, YOU COULD NOT CONTROL IT if you life depended on it. Its not the sisters fault either hon... he is just not ready to stop drinking.

Girlfriend

Hi Brammy,

Welcome back!

My exabf's sister did the same thing. She knew he has a drinking problem, but when she'd go out with her gf's and go drink, she'd call him up and ask him to come party with them.

At her 30th surprise birthday party, her gf's were drunk and all wanted xabf. He's a good looking guy and he took one of them home for a one night stand (this was 7 years ago). That grossed me out when I heard about that. If my gf's were coming onto my brother, I wouldn't want him to take one of them home or vice versa.

The sister and xabf come from the same family and the same "disease"......alcoholic family. They're in denial, close their eyes to alot of things and they enable like crazy.

Keep posting!

((hugs))

Brammy

Finally told sister and xbf what I thought of the whole thing. Printed out a post by equus called 'It's why I defend him and know who he is' that stated beautifully how an A was still a person and made her read it. XBF was a pretty good artist before the drinking got bad and I told her to remember that as she read. Search for it in forums, it will bring you to tears.

Both are apologizing, xbf wants to know if I want him to come home. I told him that it was his choice but that he had ruined all the progress we had made and if he truly wanted anything we planned that WE would have to start counseling as soon as he got home, whenever that is.