A's and and their nasty perversions with sex?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: COLUMBUS, OHIO
Posts: 5
A's and and their nasty perversions with sex?
what is it with A's and their nasty perversions with sex??? I caught him on the internet, well you know, and he just kept going even after he knew I seen him. what is up with that? and the thing is he will not have sex with.
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
You'll have to ask someone who has an A with a working appendage, as my A's appendage was just as useless as he was. I think most A's suffer from some type of sexual dysfunction, be it an addiction to porn, infidelity, or inability to perform. I think a healthy sex life and a healthy attitude about sex are directly tied to a person's emotional stability or lack thereof.
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Henderson, NV
Posts: 14
Alcohol and sexual functioning definitely does not mix, even with a non-alcoholic, despite the fact that most men think they're more sexy if they "have a few". With an alcoholic, they have most times years of abuse, which turns their "manliness" into only a tool with which to pee! If only they realized it!!!
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: NY, NY
Posts: 61
Originally Posted by Jewgirl952
With an alcoholic, they have most times years of abuse, which turns their "manliness" into only a tool with which to pee! If only they realized it!!!
I just have to add this isn't always necessarily true.
My AH is end stage - but he is still able to perform if not drinking.
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: uk
Posts: 3,054
There are plenty of sober perverts! I work with abused kids if I wanted to make you throw up in horror at what human beings do to each other I could - all to easily and it would include the actions of those addicted together with those not addicted. There are religions and cultures that live entirely without alcohol and guess what? They don't live without abuse and inhumanity.
Alcohol addiction doesn't make anyone blameless or saintly but it sure as hell doesn't make the the devil incarnate either. All that said I wouldn't compare porn with sexual abuse - just pointing out perversion is NOT a symptom of alcohol dependency!
Alcohol addiction doesn't make anyone blameless or saintly but it sure as hell doesn't make the the devil incarnate either. All that said I wouldn't compare porn with sexual abuse - just pointing out perversion is NOT a symptom of alcohol dependency!
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Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Maryland
Posts: 64
Broken Spirit,
I can relate! I walked in the other day from work and not only did he have the internet going but the VCR too. I told him I had to run across the street to visit my friend so he would clean up the room. When I came back, it was if nothing happened.
My ABF has admitted to me he's a sex addict. It used to bother me, I took it personally, what was wrong with me that drove him to have phone sex (yes - picked up and heard it years ago - he hasn't done it since), look at porn on the internet, buy magazines, DVD's.... I could go on... But, it wasn't ME, it's him. Lots of A's are sex addicts...
((HUGS))
Anguished
I can relate! I walked in the other day from work and not only did he have the internet going but the VCR too. I told him I had to run across the street to visit my friend so he would clean up the room. When I came back, it was if nothing happened.
My ABF has admitted to me he's a sex addict. It used to bother me, I took it personally, what was wrong with me that drove him to have phone sex (yes - picked up and heard it years ago - he hasn't done it since), look at porn on the internet, buy magazines, DVD's.... I could go on... But, it wasn't ME, it's him. Lots of A's are sex addicts...
((HUGS))
Anguished
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Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: St. Paul MN
Posts: 58
People have different ideas about what they find sexually gratifying or stimulating....just because it isn't your cup-of-tea, does not make it a perversion. Sexual behavior and the satisfaction for one person is a personal thing and there are so many layers related to sexual behavior and likes and dislikes. Alcohol affects performance, but it doesn't always affect differences in sexual needs, wants or emotions. My RAH is a long time alcoholic and doesn't have any perversions that you speak of, he has a pretty healthy outlook on sex and sexual behavior and I am open-minded about sexuality so I give him breathing room with respect to his private wants, needs, and behaviors. My RAH started using very young and therefore many of his sexual experiences may have been tainted or he may not have learned to express himself in a sexually responsible way and that is where, I believe, alcohol becomes a factor in developing his sexual lifestyle. Alcoholism is a soul disease and there also it may come into play with people's choices or feelings related to sex. My RAH was sexually assaulted as a young adult and that also contributes to his sexual health as an adult. There are too many layers to human sexuality to explain away certain things with, "well he's an alcoholic, so that is why he is like this". Talk about drawing conclusions where none are to be drawn. If you don't like his sexual behavior, then leave and find someone who you do like. It is definitely a big part of a relationship and one that many find hard to change just to please their partner. I will add:I believe that anything that breaks the law or injures another person is not a healthy sexual outlet and we all pretty much know where the line is drawn with respect to what we find to be acceptable behavior. Alcoholics are not all sexual deviants or sex addicts.
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 2,333
Not every A is a sex addict, gambling addict, drug addict, or any other type of "labeled" addict...
I would have to say that a lot do have an added addiction such as one of the above...
As far as the porn addiction thing goes....I think once an A has lost interest in the phsyical desire/capability it doesn't turn off the mental desire. Maybe they can't perform so they need to make up for it in the mind or visually.
My exA couldn't perform towards the end of our relationship, way too drunk for that. However, it didn't stop him from flirting and pretending to be a "stud" with women he met in bars. It certainly didn't stop him looking at porno magazines, I found in his hotel room. BTW...he claims the mags were in the room when he checked in....alrighty then.......
I would have to say that a lot do have an added addiction such as one of the above...
As far as the porn addiction thing goes....I think once an A has lost interest in the phsyical desire/capability it doesn't turn off the mental desire. Maybe they can't perform so they need to make up for it in the mind or visually.
My exA couldn't perform towards the end of our relationship, way too drunk for that. However, it didn't stop him from flirting and pretending to be a "stud" with women he met in bars. It certainly didn't stop him looking at porno magazines, I found in his hotel room. BTW...he claims the mags were in the room when he checked in....alrighty then.......
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Join Date: Jul 2004
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BTW...he claims the mags were in the room when he checked in....alrighty then.......
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 2,333
Christie.....if you think you are chuckling...you should have seen me when he told me that....I didn't know if I wanted to laugh my butt off or beat the crap out of him for thinking I am that stupid.....what an idiot
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
Many people who are addicted have more than one obsession. Some people have to work a program for each one. I know several people who go to SA, Na, AA, and alanon and, ACOA.
The people I know who veiw porn seem to be obsessed with it and I think people who already have one addiction can be driven deeper into their despare with porn.
A man who cannot maintain an erection and starts looking outside himself for an answer with behaviors such as viewing porn or visiting prostitutes is I believe trying to get back what they lost and it is a crule joke they are playing on themselves cause it just makes them sicker.
I know for the women who are involved with men that view porn it can feel alot like the man is accusing her of not being sexy enough, and also it can feel just like they are having an affair and it hurts.
I know how hard it is to have compassion for a person who's behaviors inflict pain. The questions might be: Can I endure this with this person? Can I take care of myself in spite of what he is doing to himself? Do I love myself enough to know that what he does in his active addiction is not a reflection on me or, is it? I mean I am after all in spite of my bitching and feeling sorry for myself still putting up with it. Do I need to move on?
The people I know who veiw porn seem to be obsessed with it and I think people who already have one addiction can be driven deeper into their despare with porn.
A man who cannot maintain an erection and starts looking outside himself for an answer with behaviors such as viewing porn or visiting prostitutes is I believe trying to get back what they lost and it is a crule joke they are playing on themselves cause it just makes them sicker.
I know for the women who are involved with men that view porn it can feel alot like the man is accusing her of not being sexy enough, and also it can feel just like they are having an affair and it hurts.
I know how hard it is to have compassion for a person who's behaviors inflict pain. The questions might be: Can I endure this with this person? Can I take care of myself in spite of what he is doing to himself? Do I love myself enough to know that what he does in his active addiction is not a reflection on me or, is it? I mean I am after all in spite of my bitching and feeling sorry for myself still putting up with it. Do I need to move on?
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: NY, NY
Posts: 61
Hi -
I would like to chime in on where 'we' cross the line for our partners as well as where 'we' as a society draw the line!
Have any of you ever gone into the ***** groups? Well as most know, there are thousands of topics that people create for groups and their members.
For instance swingers - as one person mentioned recently.
Check out how many TEEN model groups, pre-teen model groups, 'fashion teen' models, etc there are not only by searching in a browswer - but also in ***** groups. And check out the fans these young girls have. Who are these people that visit their message boards? Many are adults! It is creepy and twisted. I never knew a thing about it - until I discovered all the groups my AH belonged to. I approached him on it and he said he joined them before he met me. He also would say he read about one particular model - and was curious etc.
One site I recall is www.hydemodel.com
He has been visiting that website for years. And many, many others that are similiar in content. (Where are these girl's parents anyway?)
It is 'legal' - no nudity in any of these. I have never seen anything illegal on his computer. I have also found magazines called "Barely Legal" and women photographed who are naked and look young.
But the teen and pre-teen, clothed stuff is totally wrong to me. It is offensive, and alarming and goes beyond my morals and ethics. And I am no prude either!
I have addressed it with him a # of times and most recently he blames the alcohol. But ofcourse - blame the booze! Somehow with all that I have endured in the past 9 months with him - this is perhaps one of the things that bothers me the most!
I don't condone this behavior at all -but I will add that it is extremely prevalent with the birth of the internet.
I don't know how to address it or how to make sense of it.
I would like to chime in on where 'we' cross the line for our partners as well as where 'we' as a society draw the line!
Have any of you ever gone into the ***** groups? Well as most know, there are thousands of topics that people create for groups and their members.
For instance swingers - as one person mentioned recently.
Check out how many TEEN model groups, pre-teen model groups, 'fashion teen' models, etc there are not only by searching in a browswer - but also in ***** groups. And check out the fans these young girls have. Who are these people that visit their message boards? Many are adults! It is creepy and twisted. I never knew a thing about it - until I discovered all the groups my AH belonged to. I approached him on it and he said he joined them before he met me. He also would say he read about one particular model - and was curious etc.
One site I recall is www.hydemodel.com
He has been visiting that website for years. And many, many others that are similiar in content. (Where are these girl's parents anyway?)
It is 'legal' - no nudity in any of these. I have never seen anything illegal on his computer. I have also found magazines called "Barely Legal" and women photographed who are naked and look young.
But the teen and pre-teen, clothed stuff is totally wrong to me. It is offensive, and alarming and goes beyond my morals and ethics. And I am no prude either!
I have addressed it with him a # of times and most recently he blames the alcohol. But ofcourse - blame the booze! Somehow with all that I have endured in the past 9 months with him - this is perhaps one of the things that bothers me the most!
I don't condone this behavior at all -but I will add that it is extremely prevalent with the birth of the internet.
I don't know how to address it or how to make sense of it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: COLUMBUS, OHIO
Posts: 5
Hey guys, thanks for the info. I appears I didnt explain things right. When, "again" When he is sober he doesnt look at pron., its only when drunk. plus, we never have sex, maybe twice a year....He says its cuz he cant....but, like the one thread when he is drinking, he flirts and acts like a pervert.....I just think its weird....I didnt mean to put alcoholics in the same group as "pervertism" after all when you drink, your walls come down and you have no fear so you do, do the things you wouldnt otherwise...you know?
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Join Date: Aug 2004
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My late-stage ex alcoholic was also a sexual addict. He didn't have ANY problems performing even when totally smashed (the only differnce being that he would completely pass out cold right after). The only time he didn't have a sexual appetite was after he had been on a bender for a while and then he couldn't function at anything anyway...just walking to the bathroom to pee was difficult, even for a week after he would stop binging.
But feel lucky that it's only internet stuff....this ex of mine would nearly go home with a differnt girl every night if I wasn't with him, because he HAD to get some EVERY night...no if's, ands or buts about it. And I've talked to some of his ex's and he's been that way for years....been with (no exaggeration) literally hundreds if not thousands of women in his 36 years...he's very sexy and VERY hard to say no to. Which is part of why it took me so long to get away from...it was almost like he put a spell over any woman he came in contact with. The year I was with him off and on..I only know of 1 girl who didn't go for him.
But feel lucky that it's only internet stuff....this ex of mine would nearly go home with a differnt girl every night if I wasn't with him, because he HAD to get some EVERY night...no if's, ands or buts about it. And I've talked to some of his ex's and he's been that way for years....been with (no exaggeration) literally hundreds if not thousands of women in his 36 years...he's very sexy and VERY hard to say no to. Which is part of why it took me so long to get away from...it was almost like he put a spell over any woman he came in contact with. The year I was with him off and on..I only know of 1 girl who didn't go for him.
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