minnie

Right guys, I need your help. Remember I told you about my ex and his new fiancee? Well, she's obviously bought into all his quacking and taken him back. My fingers are getting twitchy and want to email her and ask her what the hell she's doing.

Can you make a concerted effort to post some really juicy dilemmas today, so that my mind is occupied with those instead?

Thanks in advance.

equus

Don't email!!

Okay now that's done with here goes with a juicy dilema! Whoops.... don't really have one - they're like buses, none at all then 3 come at once!

Gabe

Minnie, now hear this.
Back away from the keyboard slowly, with your hands in the air.
Then repeat after me.
"It is not up to me to save the fiancé.
It is not up to me to save the fiancé.
It is not up to me to save the fiancé."
Now remember that it was YOU who saved yourself.
Not anyone else, just you.
Ergo, it is up to her to figure things out for herself.
Okay, now go do something nice for yourself and put her right out of your wonderful mind.
That is all.
Carry on.

Dan

Demi, semi or melo?
The dilemmas, I mean

JT

Keep yourself busy.

Shop....for the wedding. Bwaaa ha ha ha ha !

minnie

Thanks guys! I haven't done it and I won't. An al-anon friend just called to supply me with the juicy dilemma and I practiced my listening skills, instead of my rescuing ones.

cwohio

good girl minnie - do you think that telling her anything more than you already have would do any good? obviously not cuz she's back with him. this is where that phrase - "mind our own business" is appropriate.

minnie

Dakoda, yup, same woman. And don't worry, I know better than to get involved. It's really testing my recovery though!! My HP led me to find some letters when I was tidying up today - they were from R's ex wife and sent in the first few months we were together. Guess what? They are identical to something I might write should I be so inclined. Of course, I ignored them then. Brought me back to my senses.

It's not like I was actually going to do anything, but the urge was there, you know?

minnie

You know what? I've just realised that my wanting to get in touch with her has nothing to do with rescuing her. I just want to know what is going on. I am in the middle of dissolving the partnership and it is getting messy. There is future billing to consider, he owes me money on a personal basis, I have found out that he has been to see a recruiter (secretly) with a view to taking the business to a competitor, he has in the recent past been in touch with an ex-employer, trying to share business with him and could well have been attempting to cut me out of the equation.

In short, I just don't trust him. I have stupidly got into verbal fisticuffs with him today and it is all about control. I want access to the truth and I know I won't get that from him, so I guess my scheming mind wanted to get it from her. Doh!!

I am very tired of this.

FaithChaser

Wow Minnie,

I'm just shocked... The best manipulators out there can talk their way out of anything, make black look white and wrong look right.

It's so awsome that you figured out your motives!
It seems in this situation, you better take care of yourself! Not sure if you posted earlier if you've seen an attorney or not, if not please consider it with that kind of money to lose. As far as talking to her, she obviously has his interest in mind not yours regardless of what she says. Someday she'll find the letters that you wrote and hopefully be on her way to recovery as well.
Wish I had letters from my ah's ex, that would make some interesting reading!

Hang in there!!!!
~FaithChaser

Cynay

OUCH..., I did that with my ex-A during the first 2 times we broke up... stayed in business with him... wont do that again!!!!

But think about how unfair it would be to use his current to gather news about him, also you would not know to believe her or not. Yeppers none of your business, just keep it about what you should be involved in... nothing more. Thank about how great it will be not to be in business with someone you cant trust.

minnie

Yes, I have an appointment for next week.

I'm not saying my instincts are remotely sensible! I'm just glad I don't act on those instincts anymore. I wasn't totally sure whether they were back together again, but what on earth was I doing considering it in the first place?! At least I understand what MY problem is and can do something about it. Watertight exit coming up!

I think the most difficult thing is that he is in all out angry/manipulative/deceitful/abusive/smoke and mirrors mode. How did I ever live with it?

Cynay

Your being human is what your doing.... your not going to act on it so stop beating yourself up.

I think its amusing that we look back and think What the heck was I thinking. I was just talking about that last night in my meeting. Looking at where I was a year ago, and looking at where I am now its like night and day.... Im SO thankful that Im standing in the sunlight today and cant even believe I actually lived in that situation.

Have a good chuckle at yourself, pat yourself on the back that you can see it .... and keep a close eye on the smoke and mirrors, hopefully soon it will all be behind you and you wont have to have contact with him at all..... WOOOHOOOO Freedom

EndOfRoadWife

Minnie- You are human and at least you're honest in the way you're feeling..You know what that fiancee is in for..Take care!

KATIE77

Hey Minnie
"I want access to the truth and I know I won't get that from him" Since when did they ever tell the truth anyway!!!!
Stay strong. I know you will do the right thing. At least you are the healthy one in this. Do what you have to do. ((HUG))

sunshinebluesky

i thought about driving past the ex's a couple times in the past couple weeks,just to see what the happy couple have done with it. didnt.when i had to deliver to his shop,i tried as hard as i could not to run into him and--didnt. i wrote him an email and deleted it.

DOESNT IT JUST FEEL GREAT????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girlfriend

YAY!!!


You GO Girl!!! That was very good of ya to come on the board and post instead of get into their drama. Pat yourself on the back for that one.


His new fiance' will find out in time what he's all about and then she'll be wanting to warn the next fiance' after that. Sounds like he's just doing the same old things to each woman. That's sad, in a way. Kinda like a con man conning women left and right. I KNOW that's got to not feel good to know that he's been doing this all along.

Once you get this totally behind you, and I know that you will.....You'll be THAT much stronger and will stay the heck away from men like him.

If you contacted either one of them now about this new stuff, they'd just team up and laugh back at you. You're a strong lady and have more dignity than what they think.

The new fiance' is gonna have a big wake up call coming to her down the road.

FormerDoormat

Humm, what to give the active alcoholic and his wife to be...How about:

1) A coupon for $100 off their first visit to a divorce attorney.

2) A box of disposable diapers for him and a plastic mattress cover for her since a pissy bed tends to ruin a honeymoon.

3) A set of monogammed towels in triplicate: one for the bride, one for the groom, and one for the sleezoid he's fooling around with the moment.

4) A case of breath mints him and a pair of binoculars for her (these come in handy when you're spying on your drunk when he's out on the town).

5) Books always make nice gifts: "1,000 Ways to Deceive your Wife" for him and "How to Tell Your Partner is Lying" for her. And for those intimate moments, "How to Make the Most of a Limp Dick."

6) A handy list for the new bride to keep by the phone with contact information for local police, fire and rescue personnel, a list of nearby emergency rooms and hospitals, local impound lots, cheap DUI attorneys, bail bondmen, and more.

Savana 54

:Lmao Too funny! Especially number 5 and the very last titled book!

Zoey

FD...Wonderful post. LOL
minnie...You will be fine, just hope you don't lose money getting rid of him.
Glad you escaped the insanity early.