Savana 54

After finding all the nasty emails while looking in xabf's email, I wrote him an email as I couldn't hold back. I told him how I truly felt, the email wasn't very nice...but I didn't send it with hopes that he would change; I basically wrote it because I felt there were things I wanted to say.

Well, early this morning 2:30 am my time, 5:30 am his time, he called and left a message. I think he calls that early because he knows I usually have my phone off, and he didn't want to talk to me.

So he is blabbing on about how him and a few of his friends were messing around on that swingers website, and that he would never hook up with any of those girls on those sites as they're "freaks." He's such a LIAR!! I can see right through him.He said that that was the thanks he got for helping me out by sending me some money for the dog.

I guess I don't understand, as after I sent the email, he sent me one back that said "leave me the hell alone!" I think he is really embarrassed, and maybe feels the need to lie some more to me..?? I don't understand why he cares what I think about him.

I'm still very haunted and very hurt by all of this, and how he may have put my health in jeopardy while we were together. I still don't think he would have cheated, but after all the lies, I'm not so sure. Makes me really wonder about the past and all the things I didn't know about him. That is one thing I used to always cherish about him, is that he had morals when it came to sex, or so I thought.

Cazza

It's amazing what good actors they are. I am now wondering about everything my former A said and if it was true... it is weird to think any of it could have been complete lies. It's hard to accept that I will never know. Yuck.

Soul Catcher

Here's a bubble burster for ya.....My ah had Hep C and NEVER told me. I was going through drawers after I was six months pg and found letters from doctors and a Hep C video tape. OMG I could have caught it and my child also....the other one is while I was six month pg I found a phone number of his realtor who came by one night at 9pm while I was living with him and I called the number in the morning only to find out she was four months pg with his child also!! Then.....he goes on a trip to Ireland and I found a reciept for condoms from the airport that he purchased lying saying they were bought for his friend. Yea right ....Don't ever put anything past a man. Sorry to say that but if you smell a dog then he's a dog. It really does suck and it hurts like nobody's business but your life will go on and hopefully it won't make you bitter for the next boyfriend. Next time snoop first!!!

quietsins

porn addiction is seen by many including my ex as perfectly acceptable. and its not. its degrading and abusive and such a waste of human potential.

with alcohol we can see the physical results... with porn and sex addictions... its either the dying of their spirits and morals we see... or the death sentence for its actions.

its all a big ball of evil in my eyes... never before porn addictions and drug/ alcohol addictions did i truly believe there is evil in the world.. but it exists... and we are truly blessed who find out way in life without it.

quietsins

Savana 54

I guess what I don't understand is, why does he call and try to explain over and over again; once or twice in an email and now a phone call to my VM.

I told him to leave me alone, in a way I never have before. Usually, I'm not that mean, but after this I got very nasty with him.

Oh wait.....could it be because he is insane!! :

FormerDoormat

Savanah:

Just as it's safe to assume that active alcholics are always under the influence of alcohol, it's always safe to assume that most everything that comes out of their mouths is a lie. And morality? That tends to go out the window when they pick up a bottle.

The insanity will end when you stop reading his e-mails, when you stop e-mailing him, when you stop expecting an alcoholic to behave like a rational person, when you stop focusing on his problems and start focusing on you. The insanity will end when you decide to stop playing the game.

Girlfriend

Hi Savana ((Hugs))


Like it's been said so many times on here before, to try and figure out an A would be like you trying to become insane, too. We can't do it. They don't think rationally.

I did a similar thing with my exabf and his family through email. I got "jumped" on I love you all for that. It's what I needed to hear) by some here on SR for doing that.

I was told it was none of my business what my exabf was doing now. And, that's true. He's not in my life anymore and so why should I go and put myself back into something that's gone?

We can't bring them back, honey. I know you love him and this new revelation must really hurt you, but drop it and move on otherwise you'll worry yourself sick. He's not worth it. He's lying about the porn and t'eed that you found him out. Nothing will become of it. He didn't change back then, won't do it now. We don't have control over that.

Just be glad he's not in your life anymore and you can move on and find a great man to love you because you're SO worth it.

Savana 54

Thanks GF!

I'm very proud of myself for moving on without him...I'm trying SO very hard, I think harder then I ever had, to become healthy for myself.

I know he won't change; I'm not expecting him too. I dunno what I'm thinking these days. I guess trying to live a healthy, normal life is somewhat scary for me.

FaithChaser

Savana,

Thanks for the update. I think sometimes when I'm lied to (this is my rationalizing with an insane alcoholic, bare with me). the reason it is done, is because the wool has been pulled over my eyes so many times, and I beleived the lies in the past. It's a way of controlling me. Obviously an alcoholic has little control over much of their lives and the one little bit they had control over WAS me. When they figure out they no longer have that control, they act like two-year-olds having a temper tantrum. They believe they can control our emotions, our actions etc. Let's prove them wrong--k?
Well, in your case this is now a thing of the past, consider yourself blessed!!!!

No more drama YEY!
~FaithChaser

Minx1969

Savanah -

My sponsor always tells me that we are in control of how much pain we are in..She's right..

Today - I have no contact with him (zero, nada zilch)..I know that "checking up on him" will cause me pain..so I don't..

That's part of my recovery..

Like Former Doormat says - the insanity will end..when YOU want it to end..

How much pain do you want to continue to cause yourself?

You are doing great - but a lot IS in your control..