Alongtimegone

I, too, have done everything for everyone. My daughter, who has ADD, got herself pregnant and decided to have a baby. I told her I supported her decision, but it ended up to be way more than that.
My sweet little grand daughter was born with cleft lip (hare lip) and the surgeries and health problems have required a lot both time-wise and emotionally. Long story short - she and her family were here every night. I would cook for them, take care of the baby, and clean up after them. My daughter didn't bond well with my grand daughter, so I picked up the slack. It was like the baby was mine, and she responded to me in that way too.
Add to that his kids from his previous marriage - they are deeply wounded from everything that went before. I have shown an interest, tried to encourage and support them, and also force, and I do mean force my "A" to pay attention to them.
Coupled with his steady alcohol decline, women, and abuse, and it has been more than I can take. I keep putting my foot down where my daughter is concerned, though I love her and miss all of them. I am working hard on saying when it is okay for them to visit and when it is not. She has had some anger at me and been fairly harsh.
I also laid the line down with the "A." I told him he couldn't come home if he was drinking. of course, he went on to heavier drinking, other women, blaming, and pay backs.
I feel as if all of this has really blown up in my face on the one hand. on the other hand, I also could not go on the way things were. I was tired, resentful, and angry all the time. I felt like my whole life was devoted to everyone else and I didn't matter at all.
Maybe the key here is, instead of treating others the way I would like to be treated, I should be treating me first. Time will tell.
I am sending prayers and good wishes to you and all the others who have been so supportive of me.

zoomer

Hey, you hit the nail on the head when you said "I treat them the way I want to be treated". It's funny how i am trying so hard to give my kids the life I wanted to have, I gave too much, I would have spoild me rotten if I raised me. Well, actually I sort of did, but that's a different story. Tonight I focused not on who was right or wrong, but gave because that is just who I am. Sometimes Christmas gifts were ment to be given early. My son actally feels neglected by me! God, when i tried to tell him the truth about his dad, he fliped and I know I can never say anything wrong about his dad to him because it would crush his world. Anyway we are kind of broke this year, but I always manage to find bargans on what my kids want or need, so I did go out and buy my son some things he said he needed, then tonight I gave him some of his Chritmas gifts because I did not want him to leave on a bad note. It's not his fault he is confused and mislead. I will feel that I have done nothing wrong and can live with myself for being angry at him. I just have to learn how to deal or not to deal with him this Chritmas. I love and miss my boys so much, but hate the constant conflict everytime they come and they way they treat me and this family. I might send them just cash because they love money and call it christmas with them. I just do not want any more bad feelings on anyones part and I can't live with all the anger my boys generate. Nothing I will ever do will be enough. I do need support in this aria!
Zoomer

Laceejoe

I never really realized until I joined this forum---just how many people in this world haved lived (and are still living) life with such similarities!!! It's almost unbelieveable that so many of us gave, and gave, and gave to others----until we had absolutely NOTHING left for ourselves!!! That is what I meant by "WOW"!!! It's so easy to think that you're alone in this world and that no one else could ever understand what you're going through, but you ladies (and men)---have shown me otherwise!! It is so heart-warming to read all your posts and see how you share of yourselves with everyone else. I feel as if we're all part of a big family---only not the same type of dysfunctional family that the majority of us came from. Hangin' In---I really appreciated your statement about taking the bla out of blame---and ending up with "me"!! How enlightening!!! All of you have helped me so much---you make me laugh---some of you have made me cry---but all of you have given me so much hope!!! I want to thank you for that---and wish all of you a great weekend!!!