OkayWithMyself

First thing I notice: she wouldn't make love with me very often, and I can't figure out why
Second thing I notice: "Don't come back if you still drink"

Those first two items just made me angry, and think of nothing but divorce.

After being alone for two months, feeling hatred and rejection she emailed me a copy of the "detachment" post listed above on this board. After reading that I understood for the first time the reasons for her actions. Instead of feeling rejection, I now knew I was being given the privelege to be myself. I was being given an opportunity to become sober if I desired, or drunk as a skunk.
An understanding of detachment changed everything for me, and I agreed to receive intensive outpatient treatment.....as soon as the holiday season is over since it would be hard to devote so many evenings during this time of the year.

Today she called me and showered me with love. I have never witnessed so much love coming from her before, it was blowing me away, especially after all the terrible drunken decisions I had made lately. Then she mentioned to me that if I entered the 5 day locked-in treatment center tomorrow on Thanksgiving, that I would only miss one day of work. And then she poured the love on me over the phone....I couldn't believe the emotions I was experiencing as I agreed to meet her there tomorrow morning.

It was an understanding of what detachment is, that made me decide to get treatment. But it was feeling loved for the first time in months that moved the mountain.

Honey, thanks for saving me. I love you so damned much..
See ya tomorrow.

bikerprincess

Good Luck to You both.

RedAPBT

Detached Alone -

You are not alone! Neither of you are!

May your journey be one of great discoveries!

God Bless!

OkayWithMyself

My wife and I checked the place out, and after hearing the info, I decided to detox myself without medical assistance, against the nurse's and my wife's advice. My decision upset my wife, but I know I can do it. So this is day number one. I'm taking Vitamin C, B-Complex, and Milk Thistle.....advice I got after doing an internet search on withdrawal syptoms.

Signed up for outpatient treatment beginning Monday.

I am so thankful to my wife for providing me with the information and materials that has made this a choice for me, for a desired change in my life.....instead of an attempt to please her. Getting back together with her when I'm sober would be a wonderful bonus however.

peacefulmind

I read ur post with great hope that there is some men out there that truly care how their wives feel and understand how they dont want to live with a drinking man. I gave my husband the option of either me and the kids or his Budwieser (his true love), and he chose Mrs. Budweiser. He now lives alone in his apt (left me and his two daughters) because he doesn't want me to tell him what to do. I have never been so hurt in my life, and have filed for divorce. I have lived life his way for 18 years, and decided I will not settle for this type of lifestyle. Anyways, I pray the best for you and I hope recovery goes well for you. p.s. i too will send my husband "the detachment", even though i know its too late for us. Thanks for posting and sharing!!! barb

Laceejoe

Detached alone---I just wanted to say welcome to the forum, and that I wish you all the best in your attempts at recovery. I know that you have a tough road to travel, but with a strong will to improve your life---I know that it's possible. Detoxing yourself is difficult though. Do you have a family member or a good friend who could be there for you??? My daughter hit bottom about 5 or 6 weeks ago and called me to help her get the assistance she needed to begin recovery. I traveled to the city where she was living and brought her home. It took us days to get her into a rehab, and in those 4 days---she went through much physical and emotional pain. I tried to be as supportive as I could, but I couldn't take away her pain. We were blessed to find an opening at a rehab about 30 minutes from my home, and she spent 26 days there----several of which were in the detox section where she could be monitored by the doctors and nurses. She went through alot, but came home last Saturday and is doing well. I just wanted you to know that she was NOT the kind of person for a very long time who wanted the help---but, once she made up her mind----she chose a path where help was there for her. I'm very proud of her---but, more importantly---she's proud of herself!! She is currently at her second AA meeting of the day, and is meeting wonderful people who are struggling as she is. At her suggestion, I began to attend Alanon meetings prior to her being discharged from the rehab---and it's the best thing I could have done for myself. These boards are a God-send also, and I hope that you will come back often, and let all these wonderful people help you in any way they can. God bless you in your journey!!!

OkayWithMyself

I'm glad your daughter is better. I'm lucky, as I have my three boys with me during this 4 day weekend. They are all being very supportive of me and are proud of their dad. I have also not experienced many withdrawal symptoms, or cravings yet....it is only day 3 for me. Not sure if that is due to the vitamin and herbal supplements I am taking or not.

Reading the Al-Anon materials has made a lot of sense to me, and was one of the deciding factors that helped me decide to do this for myself.....Understanding how other people view the A in their life is not exactly how I want to appear to others. So far so good....one day at a time. Time for a change.

Laceejoe

DETACHED ALONE---I'm very glad that your sons are there for you. It means alot to have support---especially family support. Please seek medical help if the physical symptoms overwhelm you though. I understand your feelings, and just want you to know that we are all struggling---and it's much easier to do it together. Take care of yourself!!