juliajane

I just needed to express that i am scared and lost right now. I started breaking up with my abf last night. I say 'start' because I don't think it really finished playing out just yet. I felt like it was fate because he actually popped by my place. i have been dating him for almost 3 years and can count on half a hand how many times he has made a visit (have i mentioned i live 3 blocks away?). I keep feeling like i need to try end the relationship and have been lost on when and how. When i heard the doorbell ring i knew i had my answer. Last night was so terrible i have no words for it. we sobbed in each other's arms and i can honestly say i don't want to leave him. But so many things he said made me realize he isn't healthy..and i have become unhealthy as well. I was handed every emotionally maniupulative card you can think of, including threats that he will downward spiral if he doesn't have me as his 'inspiration'.

i eventually had to leave him outside of my place weeping and simply told him we can continue talking tomorrow (this) evening. The truth is i don't think i have anything new to say tonight. i'm not sure there is anything new he can say to me as he is supposed to be 'doing' by now. Letting someone hit rock bottom is really the most painful in the world - and I imagine my situation is light compared to most rock bottoms. We both don't have an ounce of hate for each other which makes this so so so difficult. He is literally begging me not to leave him. I keep hoping he can say something different that would buy him more time but I have no idea what that could be..

I just hope I can get through tonight.

Minx1969

Ohh...Juliajane, your pain brought tears to my eyes..

it wasn't so long ago that I was there..

Leaving someone you love is so hard and so painful..It's been about a year since my exABF and I broke up (or should I say - that I stayed away)..it's been a year of alot of pain (and growth) for me..but it still hurts..reading your post reminded me of that..

It's excrutiating I know..Please believe me that you are doing the right thing - for you and for him..

Just remember you just need to get through today only..I threw myself into Alanon..meetings, working the steps - whatever it took to deal with the pain..I'd go to a meeting for an hour and get some relief..I know you went to a few meetings - I honestly credit Alanon for keeping me sane and helping me stay away when he called and tried to manipulate me..

You don't have to talk to him tonight..if you are emotionally drained and have nothing to say then you can leave it alone..don't take his calls if you don't want to..

That was hard for me to realize I didn't have to talk to him if he calls..My exabf dad died 2 weeks ago..he called to thank me for the flowers..I didn't call him back because it would be too painful for me..I don't want to bust my serenity!

Hang in there! just take care of you..

big hug,

minx

juliajane

Thank you so much, Minx. I realize what I am up against and it does help to know that someone has been there and to know I am on the right track. It will be easier for me to manage tonight because I can control when I leave. Thanks again for you support.

Minx1969

It's not easy but you will get through it..it just takes time and lots of tears..

minnie

(((juliajane)))

I am so sorry to hear how hard this is for your you. It really is the most loving thing to do, although I know it doesn't feel that way right now.

Minx is right - you don't have to speak to him if you're not ready. Sometimes, all the words have been spoken and it's time for action.

Post as much as you need - I find writing here very therapeutic whe times get tough.

Savana 54

(((juliajane)))

I'm so sorry that you're hurting. It's been four months since I last saw my xabf. I can say with time, things will get better. Although, I have my weak moments that are very hard to deal with, as I do love and miss him very much.

Everyone here on SR, has told me it takes time; that grieving is a process one must get through in order to move on. I'm still in the stages of grieving; it's a rocky road, but I know in time I will be able to see the light.

This board and counseling has been so great to have, in my most darkest moments.

I wish you peace tonight!

Hugs,
Savana

sunshinebluesky

i found that interesting since i can say the same about my ex--i only lived 15,20 min away. i figured it was because he didnt want to (drink and) drive.

we are all going thru it.........ya got friends and support here...............