take2

This might sound crazy but...I have spent so many years (OK 10 to be exact) trying to control and at the same time take care of my exAH that I have NO CLUE what to do with myself anymore! I have 2 kids (2 and 4) so I am obviously busy with them. But at this moment they are with my exAH for a visit for a few hours and I am alone...BORED!!!

We are just starting the divorce process so this is all new to me. He wanted for me to come along tonight with the kids and I told him no! I told him I had plans and was busy- this REALLY made him mad. He kept asking if I have a date!!! Now that is funny. I simply told him I was busy and I hung up. Funny part is that I have NOTHING to do!!

Any suggestions on re-finding oneself and geting back out there?

walkingtheline

Of course you do!

Take a walk, enjoy a sundown. Take a long bubble bath. Sneak out for junk food. Go to the gym. Read a book. Rent a movie you can't watch when the kids are around. Call a friend and chat. Take a bike ride. Go to the mall and window shop. Give yourself a pedicure or manicure-or both!

How's that for starters?

minnie

I did a lot of reading about recovery when I was first on my own. On here, elsewhere on the net, "co-dependent no more", al-anon literature.

And of course, nothing beats a big pampering session. Or calling friends I haven't spoken to in a while. Or watching stuff I'd taped. Or meeting people for coffee. Oh, and going to meetings.

What do you like doing, do you think?

Gabe

I think it's just about an inch shy of appalling that we spend so much time wishing we had time to ourselves, and then end up not knowing what to do when we get it.
But it happens to a lot of us.
My suggestion?
Make a list.
When you're busy, and you think "if only I had time I would..." - write it down.
Housework, and other such drudgery are not candidates for the list.
Only fun things are allowed.

FriendofBill

Friends...seek, obtain and nuture friendships.

I was addicted first to my husband, then to my son, then to my recovery (Yay).
I focused on everything else other than what made me happy.

Today is different. I have lots to do, lots of people to do things with, and can also enjoy my alone time,,,withour being lonely.

take2

Thanks everyone! What a great list of ideas everyone had! I know it sounds crazy that I feel so lost. I ended up going to the bookstore. Truth be told is that I am not the kind of person who can do "nothing". I always need something to do, someone to see.

I guess I just realized that I have lost so much in taking care of others that I find it so hard to take care of me. Since my kids are so young they are in bed by 8:00 at night so I feel like I get "me" time at night to read, relax and such which is why I get lost on my own without them.

Oh... and I did join a gym a few weeks ago! I decided there is no reason I can not get there. I can go at the end of my work day and pick the kids up from preschool right after. It has been fun. I've been swimming which is great to release stress!