I'm new here!
 

Just thought I'd introduce myself. I posted in the wrong bit before but was kindly directed here!

My BF is an alcoholic and we've been living together for two years and I'm finding it really difficult at the moment.

I knew he was an alcoholic when we first met so I thought I knew what I was getting myself into but it's not how I thought it would be. It's so much harder.

I love him to bits, completely, madly in love. I don't want to split up with him, I couldn't imagine him not being in my life but he's driving me crazy!!!!

He hurts me so much with his behaviour and blames it all on drinking. Everything that he does wrong is "drinks" fault, not his, and I have no come back on that one! :rolleyes:
Why does everything have to be drinks fault, he's an adult and he's responsible for his own behaviour, it's not like he doesn't know right from wrong?!?!?!

Everything revolves around drinking, where we can go, what we can do, how he is with me, how he is with my daughter...
It's his first thought and I'm beginning to resent it. I want to be first for a change :(

I also worry that he's killing himself, but then at the same time I get annoyed at his self pity and what I call his "hypochondria". He always feels bad and is always moaning about it, "he aches there and he hurts there2 and whilst most of the time I'm sympathetic and try to understand where he's coming from, sometimes I just can't be arsed listening and think "stop fxcking drinking then!!!!". (I don't say that of course!)

I also enable him alot, because sometimes he just alot nicer when he's smashed!

I'm scared he'll never stop drinking. He tried once and was clean for a month, but that was before we met, he hasn't tried since we met. And what if he never does?

Hi there Missus:)

Welcome to SR!
I'm sorry you're in this situation, you'll find lots of people here with similar problems. Read all you can here and keep posting! it's good to get it all out.
Welcome again from a fellow Brit.

Hi again Missus. You didn't post in the wrong place - you went to where you go until someone comes along to point you in the right direction.

I've not got long now to post (off to the pub for dinner), but there be loads of people along to welcome you. They might be from the other side of the Pond, but don't hold that against them :tongue1:

Read the "sticky" and "power" posts at the top of this forum and the nar-anon one. There's loads of good stuff in there.

Catch you later.

Thanks for the welcome :)

Please read everything posted today, will give you an idea what everyone goes thru, all different.
Yes! welcome to SR.
I also have to run, but keep posting and reading. LV clancy46

welcome the missus - read, read, read all you can here about the disease. i too knew my AH was alcoholic and thought i "knew" what i was getting into too. i had no clue about the disease. it's progressive and will get worse unless he wants to stop and pursue recovery. can you look into al-anon where you are? it would help you a great deal - it teaches us to focus on what we can control - OURSELVES and our behaviors.

hugs - christie

Hi, TheMissus, and welcome to SR. What more can I add to what has already been said! Glad you are here.

Hello: the Missus! Glad you have joined us. One thing that is key to know are what we call the Three C's.......and believe them! You did not cause this (no matter what you are told), you can't control it and you can't cure it. Once I started to really understand and believe those things (and there are still days that I start to 2nd-guess; why, I do not know!) it started getting better for me.

Hope you will post often; it helps you AND us! Stick around; there are lots of people with very helpful information to share...they are really nice, too! :)

Yeah, I've been reading alot today, both in here and in the Alcoholics section. I found it quite upsetting to be honest.
I try not to think of it most times, just thinking of it as something he does (drinks) as opposed to it being a disease. I only really think of it when he's upset or in a bad way with it, I suppose I try not to think about it as being too bad a thing all the time because I want to try and shut it out.
It wasn't until recently that I realised that it DOES infact control us all, not just him.

Hopefully, through being a member here, I won't feel so alone with my thoughts and maybe learn to deal with my emotions instead of taking it out on everyone else.

Thanks for all the welcome messages :)

TheMissus...
I wanted to add. always remember to take from here what you can use and leave the rest. to me that means I can only handle so much at a time. Can always ask later or it will come up again.
Little bites, baby steps and we get there.
Sometimes I have misunderstood comments and felt hurt, just ask what someone means and get it clear.
I am so glad you found this site, it is the greatest place.
We are not alone.
Lv Ya clancy46

Just wanted to extend a welcome. I am fairly new here too - this forum is the best!

Hi - This is a great place to come to both give support to others and to receive it! Glad to have you.

Katie

Hi TheMissus :wave:

Welcome to SR!


The booze always comes first and nothing is ever the A's fault. You'll read story after story on here about how the AS (alcoholic spouse or significant other) life revolves totally around them and how the family, friends cater to them.

It's like they're little children, literally, because they demand so much attention from others.

We get the choice of not doing that and focusing on ourselves, instead.

Keep posting!

((Hugs))

Welcome....:147:


I do hope you will recomsider telling lover of this site.

You need a place to come just for YOU...to vent and to share.

Just my opinion ...Blessings...:wave: