CodeMaster

Just got back from the same doctor, interesting guy, went something like this:

Me: Toes been numb ever since trip to LA and dancing 3 days almost straight non-stop, is it dieing????

Doc checks shoe fitting, puts this vibrating metal thing where it vibraates a lot and puts it on the toe and tells me to tell him when vibration stops. I feel it all, its all good, he said your nerves are fine just skin irritated by the dancing too much in the wrong shoes... asked me if this is what my request for therapy was all about... said no.

Me: Dont know how to explain, I think eh.. enn.. I'm a codependant and seem to have addiction or attraction to unhealthy relationships and drug addicts....

Doc: Stares at me with blank face and just looks like "what the hell did you just say" look...

Told him all about Al-Anon peoples advice, etc etc etc... said it maybe my attraction to needy people to feel worthy, inner deep issues? dunno...

Me: I feel really comfortable in ghetto areas and really judged / nervous in nice areas even though I really have nothign to be ashamed of is also a sign I think...

Doc: (looks at me like... "be a man!!!")

Me: (tells him about my attraction to people with problems... needy, addicts, unhealthy, etc.. and their attraction for me apparently)

Doc: You think it has anything to do with the fact of how you look? The spikey hair with blonde highlight on top and the way you dress that may happen to attract these party girls???

Me: enn.... ohhhhh (kinda makes sense??)

Doc: Or maybe you just like the party sexy girls in miniskirts types instead of the polite nice well dress girls?

Me:... I like miniskirts

Doc: And the fact you keep hanging out at raves.... tell me, where did you meet your last alcoholic girlfriend from???

Me: en... at a club..??

Doc: And this girl who are drug addicts whom you are attracted to, where did you happen to meet her at????

Me:... mm... ahem.. cough cough RAVE cough cough

Doc: mmm... well, it seems obvious where the problem lies but if you really want to get mental help, go for it! here's the number to call on your insurance, good luck.

Me: ehh.. thanks , wait! I also need therapy for my carpel tunnel problems, they've been spiking up again...

Doc: Alright, here's a prescription, pick any place, have a ball

Me: (I think he's lost hope for me and giving me anything I want at this point)

Me: Thank you, enn.. I'll see what I can do about my addiction to chaos problem.

Doc: Just sounds like you need to make new friends is all... (cool grin and walks out to get ready for next patient)


He always makes me feel like I dont really have a problem and just thinking too much, soemtimes I wonder if thats just the case cause I feel fine now I think.

Just wanted to share...

FriendofBill

sounds like he is not a dr. Id want.
A therapist is more in line to help you...give it a try.

Minx1969

If you aren't comfortable with him, find a new doc..

Doesn't sound like he is taking you seriously..

Next step - call the therapist.

Cynay

This is not his field anyway...

You got what you needed, the number and referal to someone better able to find out if you have an issue. just my opinion but I think you should probably talk to someone that is a professional in the issue you have. I would not go to a foot doctor after having a heartattack. *shrugs*

cwohio

code - i had to laugh out loud at that!

you wouldn't be on this site posting if you thought you didn't have issues. physically you may be fine... (no pun intended) lol
but find a therapist and i'm sure you won't get the same responses from them.

hang in there buddy and let us know what transpires!

hugs - christie

CodeMaster

I asked him if he ever dealt with alcoholics or drug addicts, he said pretty much nada so I dont think he really understands addiction...

cwohio

if they haven't dealt with addiction, then they haven't got a clue! get thee to a therapist son!

CatsTail

Hi,

I have a comment about what the doctor said. He has a point. And the reason I say this is I remember when I started recovery and one of the things that I had to do was change the way I dressed, change people, places and things in order to attract different people to me. In other words present a different side of myself.

And continue on in recovery dealing with my issues.

For sure Codemaster you don't want a doctor who doesn't have experience with addiction and co-dependency issues.

Just my experience, strength and hope.

Ngaire

CarolD

Good for you CM....You got 3 things done in 1 visit.

Heels....Hands....Head

O noooo....mini's are in again?
How about short white boots?

I just knew I shouda kept mine from the '60's !

nocellphone

Unless they choose addiction as a specialty, MDs get very little addiction training. Sad but true, and quite dangerous in my opinion. How many addicts go undiagnosed for what's really going on and just keep on rollin' until they do more and more damage?

Code, whether the doc confirms it or not, you know inside what's going on with you, and I think you've heard where the answers can be found...

CodeMaster

Yeah, for a moment, I thought maybe I'm just thinking too much.... but then I thought if my kind of issue didnt really exist, then why are there so much info on it on the web, so many books written on it and so many people with drug related experience / relationships that swear by it... and deep down, I'm beginning to see what everyone is talking about slowly.

I remember the first thread I posted on when I joined, I heard people say to me theres a high chance for me to date another drug addict, I heard I had an attraction to drama/choas, I heard I was sick in many ways.... and I remember thinking everyone was crazy, I'd never date or come close to another drug addict, I didnt think I was possibly attracted to disaster (who would be!!) and I didnt think I had any issues but as time passes I begin to understand more clearly what everyone was talking about and I'm becoming a "believer".

Sometimes I wonder if it means I will be required to change my lifestyle, I dont really want to, I really like my life, my image, everything I've built up for my image of who I am last 6 years evolving...

I realize its only a matter of time that I surrender (whether conscious or not) to my addiction and it repeats again, now that I think back, my last alcoholic girlfriend was not the first of a chaotic relationship and I can see my disasterous relationship is hardly with her alone, its been happening since the very first day I left home to start college around 18 all the way to just a few months ago and here I am it looks like it almost started again.

But destiny seems to be interceppting me this time with my ticket to therapy, the Spirits its brought into my life (including everyone from SR) and urgency even from old friends for me to "run". I've been told to run with urgency before, I'm hearing it again now and despite gone through my experience with a drug addict, I am suprised at how hard it is for me to do this action.

Thus, I'm hoping therapy will intercept me, else only thing holding me back are online friends because nobody I know around here in person understands the issue. Thus, I should go to Al-Anon, and maybe I'll go after therapy first... I've just been so busy with work and I feel ashamed to go to Al-Anon and I fear seeing my ex, I know I've said this before, and I know there is nothing to be ashamed of, but believe me today when I was going to ask the doctor for therapy, I was suprised at how nervous I was...

I couldnt stop sweating before the meeting and I would get mad just trying to think of the right words to say when asking him for this specific therapy. I felt like I was asking for help and really hurt my pride, I felt the receptionist could see right through me and when the nurse asked me what this was in regards, it was odd to say the word therapy to her I felt ashamed but she was very nice and did not feel like she judged me at all as this kind of odd request is normal in there I bet, mine probably the least awkward.

But at least with the doctor, it was private, one on one... no group to look at me and see through me, see any pains, loneliness, no one who may know my ex, no chance my ex may show up....

But no matter, I'm working out harder then ever, when I can look my best, look sharp, confident and strong and hide my inner emotions, I'll drop by Al-Anon and this way, if I did run into my ex, I can keep my head up high.

Thanks for all the advice and care, I didnt think I needed anymore help, but I guess ignoring this issue only lead me closer to restarting a much more dangerous disaster to begin.

minnie

Do you like YOU?

CodeMaster

Yah...

velma929

I think ngaire has a point as well. And the doc. A therapist will be more probing and gentle about it, but quite possibly S/he will ask questions like, "What do you get out of this? What kind of partner would you rather have? Can you have all that, and the kind of partner you want, too, or would you have to give some things up, to get other things you want more? " Depending on the individual's outlook, S/he may, or may not, think you have to understand where your problem originates before you start ot work on it.

It brings to mind a coversation I had some years ago with a prison guard friend of mine. He said many cons walked out saying they were never going back to their home town again, 'cause of the bad influences "there." But they (the cons) missed the point. They were making a superficial change of location, but it wasn't going to help them much, 'cause unhealthy influences can be found in prosperous towns, mill towns, middle class, everywhere. They needed a change of lifestyle to effect a change of ...well, lifestyle.

Keep hanging around places where folks drink and drug a lot, and you'll meet people who drink and drug a lot. But you already knew that. I suppose one way to handle it is to go to raves, but date girls volunteering at the animal shelter. Or something like that.
peace.

Chuckles101301

Therapy will only work for you if you are willing to work it. There are no magic bullets Codemaster, you are going to have to effect change in your own life. I don't usually post responses to your posts, but I follow them because I am waiting for the day when you "see the light" so to speak. I hear in your posts that you are successful, make a good living and that you are attractive, but I hear an ugliness screaming from your soul....so important what others think of you....what do you really think of you? Minnie hit it right on....someone who likes themselves, doesn't seek out the types of people that you seek out under the guise of loving the music. Call a spade a spade. You seem to engage in high risk behaviors because something is lacking in your life...inner peace and humility, happiness or fulfillment. I think besides therapy and al-anon which I think you should definitely try.....take some of your free time and give to someone else, volunteer, make a difference to someone else and it just might make all the difference. You may see that there is a better way to live and there are people out there everywhere that struggle just to survive on a daily basis. You have many things to be thankful for, why borrow trouble?

I remember a time in my life where I was very risky in many ways, sexually, emotionally, with my life and I felt it was just my nature...I was a doer, while others were talkers....this lifestyle was thrilling and dangerous and that was sexy....no matter the disgusting undertones and lifeless core of a person I was becoming. I could say I had engaged in crazy behavior and people thought that was just cool. Then one day, I grew up and realized that I may go to my grave without a soul because when the adrenaline wore off, I still had to live my life, my boring, unfulfilled, sad life. The only time I felt alive during this period was when I was taking risks and that was a false sense of being alive. I was really just dying one day at a time. I married the "bad boy" type and then quickly realized that you cannot live your life like "a bat out of hell" without some cost. The cost was my sanity. I couldn't be alone with myself. Beauty fades, money gets spent, motorcycles get old, bad boys grow up and then what are you left with? The only constant is you. If you like the rave music so much, buy a killer sound system and rave in your living room or your car...the people you meet at raves are only illusions or delusions....volunteer with homeless people or kids or even animals....they can teach you things you won't learn raving. Seek out therapy if you feel the need, but know that the answers will still have to be found in you and by you. Do all this for the greater purpose of becoming a better human being, not just to lick your addiction/narcissism/personality disorder. You have already taken the first step in recognizing that something isn't quite right, it is a long path...be strong and humble. Just my opinion, not even worth $0.02.

CatsTail

The thing that I know about appearances is our appearance reflects our lifestyle. So others see how we look and are attracted to it if they are also in the same mode.

If I was a prostitute and wanted to change my job and was going to an interview for a C.E.O position would I go dressed as a prostitute in hopes of snaring that job or would I go dressed as someone C.E.Oish to get the job?

Same thing when I wanted to work on changing the kind of men I would meet it required some inner and outer changes and one of them was dress.

Ngaire

CodeMaster

I hear everyone... very meaningful postings, thanks a lot. I'm trying but so far I dont think I'm winning, I'm hoping the therapist maybe able to do something...