QuietDiva

Hi everyone! I just found this wonderful forum. My boyfriend is a recovering alcoholic. For most of our relationship he has had this problem, and for some reason, probably because before we dated we were good friends for two years (I never knew about his problem until we started drinking), we are still together. After several almost breakups and many ruined times he finally became sober in June. I do not think that he has relapsed, but I can't be sure because we now have a long distance relationship as of August 1 (I am now in grad school about 3 hours away). I want to know desperately if he is secretly drinking. The paranoia is killing me. Does anyone have any advice on how I can can calm myself and focus on what's happening now, not what happened then? I try so hard but it ends up totally consuming me sometimes. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks!

FriendofBill

Yes, 12 steps.
Al-Anon.
Good luck.

lunasol

that's a tough situation - you want to trust him, but it's hard because of the history. i definitely understand.

i suggest you read "codependent no more." this is a really, really good, practical book.

JennyK

So think to yourself "What would I do if I found out he was drinking again?". What WOULD you do? Are you ready to do that? If not, then you are not ready to KNOW if he is or not.

You can't control it, you can't change it, you did not cause it.

4 months is not a long time. Take GOOD care of yourself.

Jenny

nocellphone

Ditto.

When I'm obsessing over someone else and what they may or may not be doing, I lose sight of what I need to focus on: me.

When I look in the mirror and I see someone else's face, I know I'm in deep trouble...