Mrs. Podge

It was a pretty rough week-end for me. Although, I started seeing a therapist who specializes in recovery for spouses of addicts; which helped me considerably. I am in a situation where I cannot attend alanon meetings due to having my 2 small boys. My "A" is never home, and although my parents live 3 min. away, they know nothing of my "A's" antics and problems. They are in their late 70's and I know what they would say to me...."Kick that creep to the curb!" I had been doing some research on a story that my A had given me. One day in June my A did not come home until 7am in the morning. He had come up with this remarkable story that he went down state to purchase some pot, he was leaving his suppliers house when the police caught him. To make a long story short, he told me that the police were willing to let him go if he would be an informant to help nail the guy who had sold him the drugs. He told me that this supplier guy had connections throughout our state and that we could be in danger. We live out in the sticks, so I was very afraid for both me and my children. July 4th, he told me that the vice unit contacted him and told him that today was the day. My "A" agreed to meet with them and execute the plan. Again, my A disappeared for another entire night. I went thru 5 months of wondering if this supplier guy would show up and shoot me or harm the boys. So, now 5 months later I confronted the A and told him that I had called the downtown vice unit and they had no such knowledge or record of that event ever taking place. And what do you know, my A finally confessed that he made the whole story up and he just went down there to buy drugs. Am I crazy here? Or is this not mental abuse? I am very proud of myself though, I seemed to handle it well. I am much more knowledgeable about what quacking is all about.
Mrs. Podge

Patsyd1

Hi Mrs. Podge,

I am a recovering alcoholic and I also attended Alanon because I too, at that time, was living with an active alky/drug addict.

Mrs Podge, one of things that was shared with me, directly from other recovering alkies is this:

"How do I know when the alcoholic is lying? The answer: If their lips are moving....they are lying."

I knew from own alcoholism, that I lied all the time to be able to drink and drug the way I wanted to. This is a disease, one in which I did all kinds of things to get drunk and high. Lying was just par for the course.

Mrs. Podge, I too at the time had two very small children. When I began Alanon meetings my son was 7 years old and my daughter was 2 years old. I took them with me. I brought crayons, coloring books, cookies and all kinds of things that kept them busy so that I could hear the message that I needed so desperately. I too was into "him", and I couldn't see at all that while I kept the focus on "him", it was my own life that was going down the tubes.

Congrats to you that were able to handle this calmly, that is great. I would suggest that going to Alanon meetings is what helped me to put the focus back on myself and learn to live.

Just some suggestions: Have you tried to get a babysitter so that you can attend Alanon, and I am not sure about where you live, but here they have Alanon meetings with babysitting in some of the meetings. It would be so worth it to check into this by calling Alanon in your area. They can send you a meeting list book and tell you where the meetings are with babysitting, and perhaps they may have some suggestions for you so that you can attend meetings. I know for myself that Alanon meetings were the most important thing I did for myself, and my own sanity and my own serenity.

Give Alanon a call, and God Bless you,
Love
Patsy

Rose56

Hello Mrs. Podge,
I agree with Patsy, Alanon meetings have been so helpful for me over the past 9 months. The meeting I attend on Monday nights is a small meeting so they don't have childcare, but one of the members brings her two small children with her. She also brings coloring books and activities with her to keep them occupied. She asked the group if they minded her bringing the children and the group said yes, no problem. Ask for the group representative's number for each group and call them to see if that might work.

I also have trouble beliving my husband as he often lies to get what he wants. The most common lie: he says he is going to the grocery store, he even asks for a list of what we want or need, and then he goes to the bar. The grocery store is long forgotten.

I am trying to learn about this being a disease and what I can or should do about all the situations that arise as a result. I have a long way to go, but I feel better now than I did before I came to alanon and this message board. Take care and keep posting. Happy Thanksgiving.

Mrs. Podge

Thanks for the input, I will go the extra step to find out if childcare is available in any of the local alanon meetings. As far as the lying, I now understand that it is part of the disease. I can deal with it, and understand that I cannot let it affect my life to the point where I let myself become a victim of the lies and allowing it to make me sick. It is so nice to be able to hear from someone who has the firsthand experience of being in recovery from an addiction themselves. It gives me a little more insight on what the sickness is all about. Thanks to all for your support.
Happy Thanksgiving All.

RedAPBT

Ms. Podge -

Patsy summed it up wel; - being 12 years off drugs - I knew that I was lying to cover it up every time my lips moved...

The disease is very cunning, baffeling and powerful! The only thing you can do is work on you and your recovery...

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!
Happy Thanksgiving
RedAPBT