sketscher

I just wanted to update everyone on my progress. I am back from the Northwoods and tomorrow must return to work. The first few days away from my xabf and any possible contact were very hard. Halfway into my vacation I sat outside with my dad around a fire and wolves began to howl from across the river. It was one of the most amazing moments in my life. I think because I am still in pain it meant a lot more to me. I can't even describe how beautiful it was. Then my mind wandered back to xabf and realized that he'd never be able to share a moment like that with me, he'd either be down the river at the bar or more likely passed out.

I am still healing but it was really hard to come home to a tag on my door from a florist trying to deliver flowers to HIM. So that means his baby has been delivered. No messages from him either. I actually felt hate for him that day. I wasn't innocent I know in this but I let him lead me the entire time. Beleiving his promise that one day he'd be better and that he looked forward to me being part of his family. I guess this is what one is to expect from being lead by an insane person. I just can't understand what he thought was going to happen when she had the baby. Why he did not just go back to her when he found out she was pregnant instead of put us all through such hell. And I'm certain their hell has not ended.

So today was much different. I'm making plans for "replacement" furniture. Shopping therapy is good! Even if it's just planning. Plus I put up a couple sections of fence today for my "serenity" space in my yard.

I just wanted all of you to know how I was doing because you guys are really helping to save me now and in the future. I don't want to ever go through this again!

splendra

(((sketcher)))

I know walking thru your pain is difficult. Anytime we let another's agenda dictate our will we end up in a place that looks alot like hell.When someone is running their agenda they are working to get what they want. I hate that this has happened to you.

This affair with you could have been a way of getting control of his wife....ya know... if you are going to feel sorry for someone feel sorry for her no doubt she knows about the affair can you imagine going thru that while pregnant?

The good thing is that you will meet other people and no doubt meet more men and now you have a lot more information on what it means to be available. Just remember a married man is never available even if they say they are separated and getting a divorce until that divorce is final they are still married.

Give yourself time and be gentle with yourself we all make mistakes.

KATIE77

Hang in there. You have to look forwards now and work on your own happiness. As Splendra said just go gentle on yourself.
((HUG))