This is so hard...
 

I'm heartbroken, but yet at the same time angry. I got a message from xabf last night. Very different then his normal, angry, blaming me for everything message.

He sounded very sad, and said how he still loves me and misses me so very much. He said "Gosh, we had some wonderful times together, and I miss that," he was crying a little bit. But he said he couldn't ever get back together with me. (Not like I would anyway).

His message wasn't pleading with me to come back, no manipulation involved,no false promises, he wasn't mean or blaming, it is, just what it is. He feels the same way that I do, but I don't think he understands what lead up to him leaving the last time. He is still in denial about being an A. And I guess THAT is the reason he can never be with me.

So sad, what a waste of a once kind hearted, loving individual. I guess for me, I haven't had a lot of relationships end, were I still even liked the guy. I don't know how to deal with this type of break up. I guess it's much easier when we are both angry at each other. *sigh*

I miss my best friend; and he misses me...I know the answer to this question...But, why can't he just take the neccasary steps to try and stop drinking, and to be with me? He still wants the life he used to have. Answer=Because he isn't ready to stop drinking yet.:(

I've thought that maybe it was really me, and that he fell out of love with me, but I know better now. He is the exact same person I knew a year ago, with the exact same feelings of love he has for me, but, he just can't let go of the booze. This hurts!!! I hate this disease... :no: I can tell he is really progressing with his diesease. As before he was able to salvage little of what he had of his life. Now it has taken everything from him-his job, his relationship with me, and I'm sure it won't stop there.

Sometimes I feel it's as though I'm watching him walk into a ring of fire, or off a plank with sharks beneath him; not able to do anything to help him, but sit and watch him hurt himself.

So I will always remember the good times and the man he used to be; good bye my friend....I will always love you and remember you the way you used to be...

Hi there,


I had to check if you wrote that or me, anyway I feel exactly the same about my exabf, and it hurts like hell!!!!!! In time you will detach and move on, I hope, I have a little and try not think about him as much, the good times, the love etc.. I know what your going through, Love, Rose

I wish I were Samantha and could wiggle my nose and make it all okay.

But since sadly I am not, all I can offer is a shoulder to lean on and a big hug of understanding.

(((Savana 54)))

*HUGS*

What a beautiful end to a tragic story. Closure is now yours Sav, you can know that he loved you and if you have no contact then the last words you heard from him were loving.

Maybe now the healing can begin, I know it hurts sweetie but you are going to just have to heal, learn and come to a peace about all this. There is too much about you that is wonderful not to share with another. Give it a good cry, and let the healing begin.

Thank you rose, cynay and WTL. I love you guys!

I'm hoping this can be the closure that I need, I want it to be.

((Savana)) It takes such a strong person to leave their best friend. That's why so many of us are still in unfulfilling relationships. I don't have what it takes right now to leave my best friend. I'm sorry you are hurting, but know that people like me admire your bravery to do something that you know is so right for you but so painful too.

Hi Savana,

See? You called him and he was mean and then turned around and called you back and was nice. That's the way it always goes. Up and down. It keeps us at a standstill because we get so caught up in the "does he really love me or not? If he did, he'd prove it to me" kinda thing.

I'm sorry it hurts, hon. I know that feeling. I gave up my xabf. I could've stayed and played the rollercoaster ride for ..........ever, if I wanted to, but didn't want to. The fighting was making me not like him at all!

It's hard when you say good-bye to a strong love, especially mine cuz I've known him since I was 13 and loved him since then. He was SUCH a sweetheart back then and really well liked. That's the core of who he is, but the years of the alcohol disease has effected his life, the way he thinks and acts....etc.

Junior high/high school were thee best years in my life (besides the births of my kids) and when my parents died, I wanted SO badly to go back to a time that was safe and happy for me. Through xabf, I did that. So, letting go of him was a double whammy cuz I lost him and I also had to realize that I can never go back to being a kid again. That's long gone and we're not the same anymore.

I pray that you got your closure. Please don't call him back cuz if you do, he'll prolly be mean to you again. Easier said than done, I know, but don't allow that in your life.

((hugs))

Savana,

when I talked to my exABF after not talking to him for 5 months it was so hard..Haven't talked to him since..

One thing I did was put a big postit in front of me that said "This is a sick person. Do not take anything he says personally. Be compassionate"

The best thing I did was stop all contact with my ex..It allowed me to heal and move on..

Savana....I know you posted on my post, about the letter I recieved today with my card, your post here is eerily familiar.....

Isn't it funny how they always keep it open ended....

Neither one of these men said good bye....they said all the reasons why it didn't work or wouldn't work, but never the words...."please move on goodbye."
Kinda like they want to keep the door open....
We could rename these men....Justin Case....lol
That is what it reminds me of "keep the door open..... just in case..."
My question: Just in case what?
" Just in case I grow up and quit drinking"
" Just in case my parents throw me out"
" Just in case she (me) has a meltdown and I can get back in cause she's out of it"
" Just in case....(fill in the blank)"

Doesn't all of this just p*** you off?????
I am so insulted by the nerve of these men.
Clancy was right these are "spolied little boys"

Love, Patty

Well, so much for anything kind he may have said. He left a message stating that he was drunk and didn't remember anything he said. I know I need to quit with all of this, but it's so hard.:(

Maybe most of you on here think that I'm strong, when in fact I'm not. Either he is drunk and nice or drunk and mean or sober and mean blah blah blah!!

This is ridiculous. Why can't I just let this go??? I'm starting to think there is honestly NO hope for me. Please don't say anything cruel to me at this point in time; I already know I need to stop the contact...easier said then done...

Oh Savana...sigh...I feel your pain too. This line of posting has me sobbing.

I do think you are strong! I know what it is like to lose a best freind.
I know what it's like to wonder if he loves me or not, and know that he does but he still won't stop drinking. I'm still with him, and wonder why if the drinking is so important that he has chose that over me time and time again.
You are a wonderful and important person!!!! There is always hope. The rollercoaster ride is no fun at all
I cannot wiggle my nose and make it better either, but what I can say is that I do believe that these are the tests in our lives that make us stronger and better more empathtic people.

Prayers are with ya,
FaithChaser

Faith and Gianna thank you.:)

I ask myself, as has my Counselor; what are getting out of this relationship? Absolutely nothing!!!!!!

Well, I guess I have to be hearing a differant drummer here.....I think this guy is passive aggressive and a drunk. He's getting his kicks out of messing with your emotions. I suggest you dont let him know you give a darn abuot anything he says and I bet he bugs off on his own. I'm really sorry your hurting like this I know the heart break you feel when an addict or someone associated gets in your heart, IT HURTS!! Lots of prayers for you and remember everyday to see something beautiful in your life, it will be a moment that he cant torment you in. Lots of Hugs

Oh ((((Savannah)))) your post up there put right into words my very feelings and what I struggle with so often.

Thanks for sharing that and know you are not alone. I liked the responses.

Got to go but wanted to quick say that

love Cloudy

Cloudy and Faith--Thanks for listening and posting your thoughts...They mean a lot to me right now..


Hugs,
Savana

Savana,

Might I suggest if you have any al-anon books, look in the index under acceptance. Read and meditate on all you can. For me, it is always my inability to accept (believe) the reality of a situation that holds me back

Thank you threefingers, for the suggestion. I do have Courage to Change. I will read about acceptance. It is very hard to accept the person you once knew is no longer there due to the disease..So frustrating and scary:(

I know it is hard.

I am sure you have heard the expression "Let go and let God". My question was always, "Then what?" I finally received an answer that satisfied me. "Trust Him"