CodeMaster

I've been enjoying life, meeting all kinds of people all the way from very healthy simple life to very dark gangster drug addicts and ... a girlfriend of one of them.....

I've been dating all over, I go to LA and I feel so popular there, I am popular there, it seems the prettiest girl I can find anywhere is interested in me. They flirt with me and express to me directly or flirtatiously they want to be with me, even though ALL of them that I've encountered so far have boyfriends, they put my hand on their waist, or they are willing to kiss me, or at minimum, tell me they really like me.... I tell them frankly I'm dating around to meet more different girls and see what kind of girl I really like... who I am, and I suppose, following some path of "recovery".

Sadly to say, I am not recovered... I am still at the lowest level possble for my illness, as I am addicted to drug addicts? unhealthy relationships? lies? abuse? I really dont know.

As I type, I'm only a few clicks away from reserving a plane ticket which may be the end of my life I feel deep down. A gang members girlfriend highly tempts me in many ways she can, her cheery smiles, flirts... tease and beauty, she needs my help to stay in the u.s. and is seeking to be with me urgently as her time is up by OCT.

She is very sexy, a dream girl, but there are many like her in L.A., I can just find another one who doesnt have the complications right? She treats me really good, but so do the other girls I've dated down there, the only difference is, she is REALLY and SERIOUSLY pursueing me because she desperately needs me to marry her this month.

Long story short, she flirted with me heavily, holding my arm, even telling me how she would love to have sex with me, she's only 22, her skin is so smooth, she put my hand on her waist to feel and I cant forget how nice it felt... she wouldve done anything I asked her right there and then, I knew it, I held back because her boyfriend is around and he's a big gangster.

To top it off, her last boyfriend 5 years ago (same gang) is in jail for life at the moment for murder... as for why the last boyfriend murdered, I dont know... possibly because someone messed with his girl?

To add to an already bad situation, they all do drugs, regularly, couple times a week.... if not more and they do pretty hard stuff sometimes, her current boyfriend runs business of selling car parts (stolen? i dont know) and at night sells drugs.

In my time of play and enjoying life very much, like I said, I've met very healthy girls who flirt the same way, but this one is really going after me because she is desperate. Other girls, I can say hey I'm just meeting different people at the moment, not ready for a relationship, they can understand, they can even give me a kiss, and continue in their life until maybe I'm ready. This one though.... has a desperate reason for pushing me, tempting / seducing.

She just told me her boyfriend and her had a bad argument, she is going to a rave with her friends to celebrate birthday, and said she will call me tonight being its already 2 a.m. now. I promised her I'd keep eye for the phone call, I'm afraid when she calls, I will be persuaded like an addict thats made up their minds to go out and buy alcohol and drink, to go and buy the ticket for the 6 a.m. flight down there.

Imagining time with her without her boyfriend just makes me fantasize, but then I'm reminded of my last drug addict relationship. She really just used, maybe some love was in there, but she did a good job using me to enable her addiction, at point of not needing me, she just left me. Why do I think to myself this time will be different?

Why do I wonder if this drug did not mess up her brain already? Only my last ex was messed?

You all said its easy to have a repeat unhealthy relationship occur unless you recover, I thought maybe I could recover on my own, maybe I should suck down my pride and go to al-anon, but why am I at sch a low level and seem to stay around here....

I dont want to hang with any addicts! I am seeing I'm an addict myself to many things, but why cant I live healthy? Is it my destiny to die before 29? Deep in my heart I've always believed I dont live pass 29

My lifes good, I'm solid with finances and even happen to be a good looking guy, yet I'm willing to throw myself to death so easily as I do dangerous things to myself through out the last maybe 10 years from running from the cops to dangerous sex to flirting with a gangsters girlfriend....

I suppose it is my choice now, to go down and find them again or lose contact once and for all. Sure, intelligence knows the right answer, following this right answer is the fight of addiction, my addiction to darkness.

CodeMaster

She just txt msged me saying she is at the rave, musics good and asked me what I'm doing....

I replied sweetly as if I was her real BF, wishing her a good time for her birthday and if all her friends were there also wishing I could be there...

Kicking myself for talking like that, if I was her BF and knew some guy was talking to her like that, I'd feel pretty violated.

I am not sure how to stop contact to her. Sure just stop replying.... but its a lil harder to do as I do like her... but I try to tell myself, there are many others out there, lets go find a simpler gal....

If she calls, I know she will talk lovingly to me, and how can I reply non lovingly back???? Then when she asks me to go to LA, how can I say no? Then when I go, how do I stop from being shot?

minnie

What are you doing, hon?!!!


Imho, this has recipe for disaster written all over it. But then you know that, don't you?

equus

I really mean this as a question - not a statement.

Have you ever had a relationship with someone who over ridingly has qualities and skills you aspire to? Someone you can learn from and who is in as many ways your better as they are struggling? Somebody who's standards of behaviour or qualities can on occasion humble you?

I'm asking because it's the above that I know as love and I know as the life I want.

walkingtheline

She uses drugs.
She's in the country illegally.
Her old boyfriend is in jail for murder.
Her current boyfriend sells questionable car parts and drugs.

You said:
Note she didn't drop her current boyfriend. If she'll cheat WITH you, she'll cheat ON you. But that's not the point! Marriages should be healthy relationships. Between two who share similar values and outlooks, who offer one another refuge from the storm called life. It's a lifelong commitment, sealed by a vow one takes before "God and these witnesses".

Her skin is soft? The use the right moisterizer allows women to have soft skin for a century! She's ready and able to have sex with you? Forgive me codemaster but so are most hookers...it's just with hookers the price is cheaper...they're not looking for a fast marriage but just a few bucks.

Why do you see al-anon as a bad thing? why do you need to "suck up your pride" to attend?

You're special to us. And you'll remain special to us regardless of what you choose. But because we care, because I care, I agree with Dakota- RUN. GET HEALTHY.

elizabeth1979

Codemaster. My dear dear friend. You know better or you wouldnt have posted that I think!

Please believe in yourself enough to get healthy. Unhealthy people are attracted to other unhealthy people. Likewise, healthy people are attracted to other healthy people.
I belive in you, do you?

CarolD

Well Damn! Ever hear the expression

"Glutton for punishment"?

You must be wearing your Hurt Me shirt again CM.

Burn the shirt and run like the devil is after you.
Cause she is!

With concern and affection...

Cynay

ACK!!!!!

I was thinking about you the other day, just wondering how you are and if things are going well.....

Sweetie Anna is SO RIGHT .... READ THAT AGAIN. Unhealthy people are attracted to unhealthy people. I understand completely your adversion to going to Al-anon, remember me the AA/Al-anon hater... and sometimes still its a struggle, but I go cuz you know what ... I want to live and being with someone like that is not living, its HELL.

Baby, why on earth would you marry someone your dont love??? Lust is a great thing but that is all it is and you are dangling your LIFE on a string just to let some CAT play with you... and trust me that is all she is doing, please go read what additcs do...

I also completely understand that healthy relationships are not as appealing for someone like us. Im currently dating a healthy guy and find myself missing something... and its that feeling that chaos creates that I crave sometimes, but remember where we were when we me ... remember those posts, the heartach the PMs ...

Trust me on this one, remember how we wondered if we were EVER going to feel ok again, how much it hurt because we loved these people so much... well we are dating and it has healed. If you go to Al-anon or get some other help the attraction to unhealthy people will change too sweetie... just stop this and spend the time working on YOU....

I would miss you if something happened, RUN RUN RUN... if you have to buy a ticket, buy one to Phoenix so I can treat you bad. That will fix it

Minx1969

ROFLMAO! Oh my god..Hey I'll help Cynay..I'm in Phoenix too. We can both screw with your head if that is what you want..

Seriously Code - I guess when you get in enough pain you will stop doing what you want and get recovery..I got to Alanon over a year ago and was willing to do WHATEVER my sponsor wanted because I was in so much pain..I just wanted to stop doing what I had been doing..All those painful, messed relationships..

Code - I got healthy and I'm dating a wonderful wonderful man who treats me the way I always wanted to be treated..he is emotionally supportive, romantic, calm - not dramatic..

Sure..many of us are/were addicted to the drama..that's all part of recovery..Getting to that peaceful serene place and enjoying it....and not starting any new drama..

There's a great Alanon group in the LA area..I've met quite a few girls (many are quite cute as well) at some of the conferences in Phoenix and in Toronto..

If you want to meet a girl in recovery, go get some recovery..Therapy is always good too..

Keep posting and stay away from trouble..You deserve better.

Hugs,

Minx

Cynay

BTW Code.... We would be good at manuplating, controling and generally making your life Chaos... we are in recovery tooooo!

chrisea

Code, Run better yet... Go like there is no tomorrow. Really though, why don't you just let some other addict rescue her, otherwise her life actions = her life consquenses, don't you think...

Zoey

All advise above is the greatest, let me add that in AA we are told to stay away from slippery places. IMO they should add toxic people too. To me that would mean all Bars or house parties.

Please go to Al-Anon, and have you ever gone to AA? I can't remember.
Again, RUN, FAST AND FAR from these people. .

pmaslan

Code....what more can be said.......consider all that's been advised ....come on you deserve much better than this....

jojo

Code -

Please tell me that your post was just a bad joke. How would you respond to your post if it were written by someone else? If it isn't a bad joke, how can you even possibly consider what you are talking about? Why doesn't she marry her current boyfriend? Aren't there any girls in San Francisco? Please go see a counsellor to help you figure out why you are so ready to involve yourself in dangerous situations. If you follow through with this it could actually lead to serious harm to you or death. Are you really prepared to risk your life because this girl is sexy? Please get some help for yourself before you destroy your life.

Jo

FriendofBill

If we do what what did,
We will get what we got.

You in recovery? If so...call your sponsor NOW!
If not, why not?

waiting for more pain? Its on the way.

CatsTail

Are there railroad tracks near you? Do you know the times of the trains?

Lay yourself on them when you hear the train, the train may not do as much damage as getting involved with this girl will.

Ngaire

sunshinebluesky

ok,im not getting this at all. you are a good looking guy, ya got girls hitting on you all the time, why would you even consider being with someone like this in any way?? c'mon code, i get kind of irritated at things like this because there are people who are not real attractive by society's standards,dont get dates, and then when someone shows them the slightest attention, they are hooked...ok, that might be me...........not to mention all you just went thru....remember those feelings, emotions,frustratios...do you really want a repeat??
dont mean to sound mean,but you have come too far, you have too much going for you, you deserve more than that.

Girlfriend

Hi CM,

.......lol........all great advice above.

I can relate. It's that adrenaline rush that someone that has problems like that would want US to help them. BUT, like any other addiction, when the high wears off, the darkness stairs you in the face.

For you, that could be the bf, the ex bf or the gang members that the girl hangs with. AND, the girl who needs help to get out of that life, too.

Is her life worth more than your's at this point? Anybody can have a physical relationship, but true love is much deeper than that. I've worked with gang members and they have no respect for life; your's, their's or anyone else's. THey grew up hard and live hard.

We need to find out the reason why we continue the cycle of abusing ourselves. When did it all start? After years of diggin' deep, I can tell you where mine started. At home, with my Dad. He was very hard on us, emotionally distant and verbally abusive. That's all I knew growing up, so I got with guys that were just like him.If not worse.

But, that gets REALLY old and it's not healthy. So, working on that is the first step to helping us make better choices.

You can do it! I know ya can

Keep in touch!

FormerDoormat

Are you insane? Do you enjoy being used? Do you enjoy misery? Are you posting this because you're actually considering following this path? Or are you just looking for attention?

These are the questions that immediately came to my mind when I read your post.

If you're not attending Alanon or counseling, then don't you think it's time?

Aquiana

I think you should take everyone's advice and get out of there. I'm baffled as to why you'd consider going through everything you went through again, if not in an even worse situation. I can understand we get addicted to drama, and I can understand getting involved in a situation with an addict a second time if a person doesn't realize what's going on you know, not recognizing the problem until it's too late or denial of a problem for example. You seem to know exactly what's going on though. That's what I don't get. It sounds like you know what you'd be getting into and I can't grasp why anyone who's escaped it before would voluntarily go back in.

To me this sounds like on of those self-fullfilling prophecy things. If you really believe what you say about not making it past 29, then maybe you are putting yourself into situations where you are going to prove that true. A statement like that screams that you don't put much faith into your future. You may be working against yourself more then you realize.

It sounds like you could have a lot going for you if you use what you have in a positive way. Please don't waste that. A healthier attitude does bring around healthier people. It's not just cliche, it's true.