Falling in love with another drug addict.... :(
Member
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 407
Code -
It is a dangerous world when you hang with dangerous people. Everything you have said in this thread tell me that it would be an excellent idea to make an appointment with a counsellor. Alanon is a good idea too but right now I think you need some one on one therapy to help you through the destructive thoughts and behavior before you ruin your life. Maybe you need some help to understand that you are worth far more than you think you are. They can help you find your way so that you don't need the danger in your life. There are other ways to find excitement in your life and other people to share them with. I hope that you are able to stay strong and not give into your urges with this girl. You would probably regret it for the rest of your life. Please get some help for yourself.
Hugs, Jo
It is a dangerous world when you hang with dangerous people. Everything you have said in this thread tell me that it would be an excellent idea to make an appointment with a counsellor. Alanon is a good idea too but right now I think you need some one on one therapy to help you through the destructive thoughts and behavior before you ruin your life. Maybe you need some help to understand that you are worth far more than you think you are. They can help you find your way so that you don't need the danger in your life. There are other ways to find excitement in your life and other people to share them with. I hope that you are able to stay strong and not give into your urges with this girl. You would probably regret it for the rest of your life. Please get some help for yourself.
Hugs, Jo
too much on my plate!!
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: not kissing frogs anymore
Posts: 646
Originally Posted by Cynay
I dont think its so weird really.
It does scream that you have confidence issues, there are things inside that are off in your thinking.... because you feel safe in the danger and chaos and you said you feel judged and uncomfortable in a safe enviroment.
Girls/Guys like that are like a drug, personally I like the "bad boy" I tend to be a rebel myself and the bad boy does not follow the rules, they usually have drug/drinking issues and will and can do the most exciting thing.... of course they are also the most dangerous things and are SO unhealthy... but there is a rush in that. Kinda like someone that does extreem sports for the rush.
Unfortunally that is our addiction, healthy people that give us room to grow and become healthy are not extreem and can seem very boring to us... there is no rush in that and when we are with a healthy person we cant be heros... swoop in and save the day (thats my favorite part) or we cant fix whatever the current crisis is... not much fun if we cant fix someone else huh? But if you think about it that is why we are just as sick as they are, and that is why we need a recovery program too. This is not a healthy state of being and it really is not reality, that is why they live in what is called an altered state using drugs/drinking...... living in them is our altered state.
Sweets maybe you need to stop the dating and focus on yourself ..... either that or come to Phoenix for that swift kick in the bums from Minx and I
It does scream that you have confidence issues, there are things inside that are off in your thinking.... because you feel safe in the danger and chaos and you said you feel judged and uncomfortable in a safe enviroment.
Girls/Guys like that are like a drug, personally I like the "bad boy" I tend to be a rebel myself and the bad boy does not follow the rules, they usually have drug/drinking issues and will and can do the most exciting thing.... of course they are also the most dangerous things and are SO unhealthy... but there is a rush in that. Kinda like someone that does extreem sports for the rush.
Unfortunally that is our addiction, healthy people that give us room to grow and become healthy are not extreem and can seem very boring to us... there is no rush in that and when we are with a healthy person we cant be heros... swoop in and save the day (thats my favorite part) or we cant fix whatever the current crisis is... not much fun if we cant fix someone else huh? But if you think about it that is why we are just as sick as they are, and that is why we need a recovery program too. This is not a healthy state of being and it really is not reality, that is why they live in what is called an altered state using drugs/drinking...... living in them is our altered state.
Sweets maybe you need to stop the dating and focus on yourself ..... either that or come to Phoenix for that swift kick in the bums from Minx and I
I strongly suggest counseling and Al-Anon Code; it will help you so much!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 491
Her group takes drugs a lot every single week. Ecstacy that is...
I hung out with the group I came with, and they dont take it a lot now, but they used to... for a year or two they used to do it everyweek a lot as well, 4 times a week even.
My ex did the same, for a year or two in Miami, claimed 4-5 pills a night.
Then at one club when I was down there, I met my first groups friends who basically are 'professional ravers', I mean, they dont miss a weekend they worship it like church. It was interesting cause they are really nice people, the girl who was more a 'mother' of the group was telling me theyve been doing this since around 99 nonstop. She said she really wants to stop raving but she cant, she just cant.... I asked her why, he said cause she is fatigued all week long.
They all roll.... sometimes I think I'd love to join... they are open arms to accepting me, the groups and even the beautiful girls at the raves... Its my kind of place, my kind of girls, my kind of music... thing holding me back is if the drug really frys your brain, I need my brain afterall for running my business and coding the codes I do... sometimes I feel it'd be the ultimate escape!!! Though same time I know its my signature to death contract. I dont want to have to go to rehab someday and lose my soul. But it seems to fill this emptiness I have
I wonder if I could rave down there without the drugs, but knowing me, once people ask me to take it, I'd feel rejected if I didnt take it... I'm in love with the rave scene which I as just introduced few months ago. A delima to me now.
I hung out with the group I came with, and they dont take it a lot now, but they used to... for a year or two they used to do it everyweek a lot as well, 4 times a week even.
My ex did the same, for a year or two in Miami, claimed 4-5 pills a night.
Then at one club when I was down there, I met my first groups friends who basically are 'professional ravers', I mean, they dont miss a weekend they worship it like church. It was interesting cause they are really nice people, the girl who was more a 'mother' of the group was telling me theyve been doing this since around 99 nonstop. She said she really wants to stop raving but she cant, she just cant.... I asked her why, he said cause she is fatigued all week long.
They all roll.... sometimes I think I'd love to join... they are open arms to accepting me, the groups and even the beautiful girls at the raves... Its my kind of place, my kind of girls, my kind of music... thing holding me back is if the drug really frys your brain, I need my brain afterall for running my business and coding the codes I do... sometimes I feel it'd be the ultimate escape!!! Though same time I know its my signature to death contract. I dont want to have to go to rehab someday and lose my soul. But it seems to fill this emptiness I have
I wonder if I could rave down there without the drugs, but knowing me, once people ask me to take it, I'd feel rejected if I didnt take it... I'm in love with the rave scene which I as just introduced few months ago. A delima to me now.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
Code, ecstacy is a drug that causes people to be extra affectionate and loving. But it's not real!! It's a drug-induced fantasy. And you are feeling the effects even though you don't take it.
There are many people who will show you true love without the need for any chemical enhancement. You have had a glimpse of it here. We are real people and there are others like us right where you live. But you aren't going to find them until you start looking in the right places.
There are many people who will show you true love without the need for any chemical enhancement. You have had a glimpse of it here. We are real people and there are others like us right where you live. But you aren't going to find them until you start looking in the right places.
too much on my plate!!
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: not kissing frogs anymore
Posts: 646
I hope you don't travel down that road Code. I know some people from the past that did, and they're really screwed up physically and mentally.
It sounds like you are on the brink of some very serious stuff right now. I hope you can be strong and walk away from these people...
It sounds like you are on the brink of some very serious stuff right now. I hope you can be strong and walk away from these people...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: nowheresville
Posts: 872
Hi CodeMaster,
You said in one of your previous posts on this thread that you think she is a really nice girl.
Perhaps it may be time for you to reasess what a nice girl is to you.
This girl sounds like a nasty, manipulative,user out to get what she wants. What she wants is you to marry you so she can stay in the U.S. Once you are married she'll soak you big time for everything you've got besides the fact that she's coming on to you to marry her and she has a gangster boyfriend? Ever stop to ask yourself why the boyfriend isn't marrying her?
Plus that crap about Victorias Secret stuff come on wake up she's manipulating you and she'll use you and when she's done move on to someone else.
To sum it up a "nice girl" wouldn't be acting this way.
Ngaire
You said in one of your previous posts on this thread that you think she is a really nice girl.
Perhaps it may be time for you to reasess what a nice girl is to you.
This girl sounds like a nasty, manipulative,user out to get what she wants. What she wants is you to marry you so she can stay in the U.S. Once you are married she'll soak you big time for everything you've got besides the fact that she's coming on to you to marry her and she has a gangster boyfriend? Ever stop to ask yourself why the boyfriend isn't marrying her?
Plus that crap about Victorias Secret stuff come on wake up she's manipulating you and she'll use you and when she's done move on to someone else.
To sum it up a "nice girl" wouldn't be acting this way.
Ngaire
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 491
Hi, thanks everyone for pointing out manipulation. I never thought it was true manipulation, if anything, just thought it was a desperate poor innocent sexy girl... hahaa I kind of feel stupid like a dog. I havent told her anything yet, I figured next time she tries to find me online I'll tell her, and if she doesnt find me at all, then great, dont need to say it... I feel like saying those words will ruin her MONTH since her deadline is OCT, but then again, I found it interesting how people on this forum were calling her trash hahaa because it really changed my perspective of whats really going on. I talked to other people I know online and they all would have to agree...
I also realized, almost all the friends I have around me in person withing the State of California are all drug addicts.... omfg, I should go to Al-Anon and find some really sane people to learn from and see what they like to do on weekends....
I'm feeling better now, I dont know what happened, the LA craze kind of kept going all the way with me to SF. See how it goes... I just going to go back to my simple life and live happily and simply and free!
I'll see what I can do in this month for recovery (counselor / alanon) too and then resume any play in LA after a month of attempts to recovery. I feel saner now probably cause people who look for me for work starting to contact me again and a friend who usually helps round the house came over and I guess I feel like things are going back to normal again...
I just wanted to say thanks, its always an eye opening experience talking with everyone single one of you.
I also realized, almost all the friends I have around me in person withing the State of California are all drug addicts.... omfg, I should go to Al-Anon and find some really sane people to learn from and see what they like to do on weekends....
I'm feeling better now, I dont know what happened, the LA craze kind of kept going all the way with me to SF. See how it goes... I just going to go back to my simple life and live happily and simply and free!
I'll see what I can do in this month for recovery (counselor / alanon) too and then resume any play in LA after a month of attempts to recovery. I feel saner now probably cause people who look for me for work starting to contact me again and a friend who usually helps round the house came over and I guess I feel like things are going back to normal again...
I just wanted to say thanks, its always an eye opening experience talking with everyone single one of you.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: over yonder
Posts: 1,548
Why even plan t go back to LA??
You probably won't be interested if you get 6 or more Al-Anonmeetings under your belt.
Please try different meetings, as some groups feel better to us, and remember it is suggestions only, take what you can use in your life and leave the rest.
If talk of a higher power bothers you, just plan to use the group as your HP, or a tree, or Mother Nature.
It is another of life's schools, we learn how to live a better like in all areas. Not dull or goody goody , but ways to not be hurt, know what is important and a great stress
releaver. INVESTIGATE OK??
BEST ALWAYS
You probably won't be interested if you get 6 or more Al-Anonmeetings under your belt.
Please try different meetings, as some groups feel better to us, and remember it is suggestions only, take what you can use in your life and leave the rest.
If talk of a higher power bothers you, just plan to use the group as your HP, or a tree, or Mother Nature.
It is another of life's schools, we learn how to live a better like in all areas. Not dull or goody goody , but ways to not be hurt, know what is important and a great stress
releaver. INVESTIGATE OK??
BEST ALWAYS
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: nowheresville
Posts: 872
CodeMaster,
There really isn't much you have to say to that girl. YOu could even be on invisible status when you are on-line so she can't see you on the messenger.
Just don't respond to her. She's really bad news.
Ngaire
There really isn't much you have to say to that girl. YOu could even be on invisible status when you are on-line so she can't see you on the messenger.
Just don't respond to her. She's really bad news.
Ngaire
Code
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 491
Why do you guys feel I need therapy? Someone I know who knows me closely said that to me today... known me for 10 years, senses I'm way off...
Was wondering, why did you guys suggest it? Cant I just live and learn like normal people do? I'm sure my parents probably always needed therapy but they turned out fine...
Cant I do that too??
Was wondering, why did you guys suggest it? Cant I just live and learn like normal people do? I'm sure my parents probably always needed therapy but they turned out fine...
Cant I do that too??
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 491
By the way, the girl who wanted me to marry her never contacted me again after that night she kept txt msging me and sending me kisses. I never bothered contacting her, so I'm wondering if that means she probably guessed I'm not going to be able to help her on her own probably huh??
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 491
Just talked to my Father who is in Taiwan about everything... I never have problems telling him the truth, told him everything from the girl wanting to marry me all the way to drugs entering my life.
He always has great insight on everything, and hearing it from his voice always has a real way of getting through to my head like nothing else... I feel like I've been selfish in my self destructive behavior, because I can sense he is proud of me and what would his life be if I screwed up my own life to go home and live with parents brain dead... he'd say yeah I have a son, but he wouldnt ever want to talk about me, it'd bring great disgrace to our family after so much theyve invested.
He didnt say if the girl was manipulative or not, but he simply said its illegal, and if you are caught, you dont just say sorry, they will put you in jail as well. Furthermore, he said 30k to 50k if I really desperately need such money, the family would wire over twice, three times, however much I may need because our family does not need money nor to be connected with a girl who's last boyfriend is in jail for murder. Furthermore, he spoke on the topic of drugs...
I told him I've been falling in loves with the rave scene and have been researching if I can take ecstacy safetly, moderation, over time, or maybe it really isnt harmful eh? He understands drugs, he suprisingly understands alcohol a lot as well as it is as bad as many other drugs out there.
He said taking these drugs can cause serious addiction and brain damage, he said youll end up selling your home and becoming brain damage and not being able to do anything but become a ****** and move back home and your little sister will end up taking care of big brother. Said he's seen study of drugs effect to the brain and said it literally dissolves the brain, thus it gets smaller and can cause holes in your brain. He said everything I've only recently researched upon. He has a ph.d (unlike drop out me) and studied in biology and microorganics so he is really into the human body and science... he even really understands rehab, alcoholism, the disease, he knows it all!!!
He said its not worth it for that very short time of being high and he said I should seek what brings eternal happiness such as family instead of the rave girls...
Said the rave girls are all complicated if they are there in the first place, sortve like you got some serious problems if you are serious enough to be checked into rehab (no offense intended). Said those girls maybe sexy but its all trouble...
He encouraged me to find good girls who are naturally beautiful but conservative, he said the good ones can be found at church, since he knows I seek beauty, he said they may dress conservatively sure, but they are the same beauties that may dress all up to go raves so you have to really give credit to them if without all the miniskirts and makeup they are still beautiful, then theirs really something... though he also mentioned beauty wont bring the happiness found from pure love.
If you love someone, truly love, you wont even see anyone else out there in this world, no matter how much more beautiful other girls maybe around you.
Told me he knows where to find beautiful yet good girls in China, told me to hurry up and get my business rolling so I can work remotely and earn money while enjoying life. Hey its better then going to raves and frying my brain eh?
Anyhow, recently (this is really off topic) in Taiwan a very serious typhoon hit, probably strong one I've ever seen in my life time and my family as well... One section of our home was really damaged, they said it was like watching the tornado spinning in the middle of one section of our home because of the way the home was designed... everything was going in a circle, even the water was flowing in a gigantic circle in middle of our patio. He said the storm was so severe and so bad the whole patio roof (large area) was destroyed and taken away, it was pure sky there and said it was so bad that he said he never prays, but when the wind was throwing down so hard, he said he prayed... and it worked! hahaa, he said 20 mins later wind calmed to nothing....
oh and he said the dogs been trained to pee and poop when Mom takes him out on a leech, but since the patio is so bad, he just goes into the patio, looks at it like "well since its so dirty anyways...." and finds any spot he pleases and poops and pees there... hahaa
Just wanted to share my Fathers insight, he's always wise and talking to him always seems to get my head straight.
Loves always...
He always has great insight on everything, and hearing it from his voice always has a real way of getting through to my head like nothing else... I feel like I've been selfish in my self destructive behavior, because I can sense he is proud of me and what would his life be if I screwed up my own life to go home and live with parents brain dead... he'd say yeah I have a son, but he wouldnt ever want to talk about me, it'd bring great disgrace to our family after so much theyve invested.
He didnt say if the girl was manipulative or not, but he simply said its illegal, and if you are caught, you dont just say sorry, they will put you in jail as well. Furthermore, he said 30k to 50k if I really desperately need such money, the family would wire over twice, three times, however much I may need because our family does not need money nor to be connected with a girl who's last boyfriend is in jail for murder. Furthermore, he spoke on the topic of drugs...
I told him I've been falling in loves with the rave scene and have been researching if I can take ecstacy safetly, moderation, over time, or maybe it really isnt harmful eh? He understands drugs, he suprisingly understands alcohol a lot as well as it is as bad as many other drugs out there.
He said taking these drugs can cause serious addiction and brain damage, he said youll end up selling your home and becoming brain damage and not being able to do anything but become a ****** and move back home and your little sister will end up taking care of big brother. Said he's seen study of drugs effect to the brain and said it literally dissolves the brain, thus it gets smaller and can cause holes in your brain. He said everything I've only recently researched upon. He has a ph.d (unlike drop out me) and studied in biology and microorganics so he is really into the human body and science... he even really understands rehab, alcoholism, the disease, he knows it all!!!
He said its not worth it for that very short time of being high and he said I should seek what brings eternal happiness such as family instead of the rave girls...
Said the rave girls are all complicated if they are there in the first place, sortve like you got some serious problems if you are serious enough to be checked into rehab (no offense intended). Said those girls maybe sexy but its all trouble...
He encouraged me to find good girls who are naturally beautiful but conservative, he said the good ones can be found at church, since he knows I seek beauty, he said they may dress conservatively sure, but they are the same beauties that may dress all up to go raves so you have to really give credit to them if without all the miniskirts and makeup they are still beautiful, then theirs really something... though he also mentioned beauty wont bring the happiness found from pure love.
If you love someone, truly love, you wont even see anyone else out there in this world, no matter how much more beautiful other girls maybe around you.
Told me he knows where to find beautiful yet good girls in China, told me to hurry up and get my business rolling so I can work remotely and earn money while enjoying life. Hey its better then going to raves and frying my brain eh?
Anyhow, recently (this is really off topic) in Taiwan a very serious typhoon hit, probably strong one I've ever seen in my life time and my family as well... One section of our home was really damaged, they said it was like watching the tornado spinning in the middle of one section of our home because of the way the home was designed... everything was going in a circle, even the water was flowing in a gigantic circle in middle of our patio. He said the storm was so severe and so bad the whole patio roof (large area) was destroyed and taken away, it was pure sky there and said it was so bad that he said he never prays, but when the wind was throwing down so hard, he said he prayed... and it worked! hahaa, he said 20 mins later wind calmed to nothing....
oh and he said the dogs been trained to pee and poop when Mom takes him out on a leech, but since the patio is so bad, he just goes into the patio, looks at it like "well since its so dirty anyways...." and finds any spot he pleases and poops and pees there... hahaa
Just wanted to share my Fathers insight, he's always wise and talking to him always seems to get my head straight.
Loves always...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: DooDooville, USA
Posts: 453
Hi Code,
I've thought about you and wondered how you were doing. Praying for ya!
Your Dad sounds like he's very supportive and loving. That's great! A major gift in life. His advice sounds really good, as well.
It helps to talk to someone close to you that holds you accountable and gives you advice because they've been there, done that.
The thing is.......it's your choice to put it to action or not. I've worked with the youth (and still do) and lemme tell ya, XTC kills. Like any other drug, done in excess or over long periods of time.....it destroys your brain, your body and makes you really old really quickly.
I did drugs somewhat, but mostly drank for 10 years every day. Did crank and coke, mushrooms and acid. My body,at age 40, broke down. Completely. I became sober 11 years ago. Haven't touched a drug since then, thank God.
But, it doesn't matter if I quit or not. I had already done the damage.
I was in and out of the hospital for a year taking tests after tests after tests. I wasn't able to digest food, I couldn't urinate or use my bowels hardly at all, my body swelled up to almost twice the size I was. My feet were swollen and I lost 3 teeth. They just broke off and fell out.
Finally, after all the tests, they found a tumor in my colon. I had surgery and I no longer have cancer.......but, lemme tell ya......that whole year for me and my family was HELL on earth. It was because I abused my body for so long with drugs/alcohol.
I'm MUCH healthier now. I'm on a special diet and will be for the rest of my life and now have some medical problems that I'll need to take care of for the rest of my life as well. I cannot abuse my body in anyway now becuz if I do,.......chances are I won't be as lucky as I was the first time around.
I have friends that look like they're in their late 50's. We're 45. They're wrinkled and have all grey hair and it's hard to recognize some of them. It's because we all did drugs and some of them still do. I don't have grey hair or wrinkles, but that's only because I've been totally health conscience for the last 11 years.
Alot of people think 'oh, that won't happen to me. I don't do drugs that much. Cigarettes and drink won't make ME look older".........all ya gotta do is look at people like Courtney Love or Keith Richards and yup.....it does happen!
Save your body and your brain. Love yourself that much. You are worth it!
I've thought about you and wondered how you were doing. Praying for ya!
Your Dad sounds like he's very supportive and loving. That's great! A major gift in life. His advice sounds really good, as well.
It helps to talk to someone close to you that holds you accountable and gives you advice because they've been there, done that.
The thing is.......it's your choice to put it to action or not. I've worked with the youth (and still do) and lemme tell ya, XTC kills. Like any other drug, done in excess or over long periods of time.....it destroys your brain, your body and makes you really old really quickly.
I did drugs somewhat, but mostly drank for 10 years every day. Did crank and coke, mushrooms and acid. My body,at age 40, broke down. Completely. I became sober 11 years ago. Haven't touched a drug since then, thank God.
But, it doesn't matter if I quit or not. I had already done the damage.
I was in and out of the hospital for a year taking tests after tests after tests. I wasn't able to digest food, I couldn't urinate or use my bowels hardly at all, my body swelled up to almost twice the size I was. My feet were swollen and I lost 3 teeth. They just broke off and fell out.
Finally, after all the tests, they found a tumor in my colon. I had surgery and I no longer have cancer.......but, lemme tell ya......that whole year for me and my family was HELL on earth. It was because I abused my body for so long with drugs/alcohol.
I'm MUCH healthier now. I'm on a special diet and will be for the rest of my life and now have some medical problems that I'll need to take care of for the rest of my life as well. I cannot abuse my body in anyway now becuz if I do,.......chances are I won't be as lucky as I was the first time around.
I have friends that look like they're in their late 50's. We're 45. They're wrinkled and have all grey hair and it's hard to recognize some of them. It's because we all did drugs and some of them still do. I don't have grey hair or wrinkles, but that's only because I've been totally health conscience for the last 11 years.
Alot of people think 'oh, that won't happen to me. I don't do drugs that much. Cigarettes and drink won't make ME look older".........all ya gotta do is look at people like Courtney Love or Keith Richards and yup.....it does happen!
Save your body and your brain. Love yourself that much. You are worth it!
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
Code:
You say you're always looking for beautiful woman. In fact, you sound as if you become intoxicated when you're around them. But beauty is fleeting. It doesn't last forever. One day, when your partner's beauty begins to fade, what will be left to hold your interest? To capture your heart?
Beauty comes in many forms. There's physical beauty and there's the beauty that comes from within. If you happen to find a woman who possesses both, then that's a bonus. Let's use Hollywood as an example. Think of all the beautiful women who can't find true love. They marry again and again, but yet they can't seem to hold on to their men. The same goes for Hollywood's beautiful men.
So what is the reason that their relationships don't last? Is it lack of physical beauty? Certainly not. It's lack of emotional beauty. That's what holds a man or woman captive through the ages. Physical beauty fades, but inner beauty lasts throughout the ages.
Perhaps your father is right, and you've been looking for love in all the wrong places. Why not look for quality women where they tend to congregate? You'll not find them at a Rave or hanging out in a bar. You'll find them in church, volunteering at the local shelter, walking their dog, sitting at the edge of a lake feeding the ducks, enjoying all the beautiful things that life has to offer.
Is your goal to find a life-long partner or to have a temporary trophy at your side? The former is so much more fulfilling than the latter. The choice is yours.
You say you're always looking for beautiful woman. In fact, you sound as if you become intoxicated when you're around them. But beauty is fleeting. It doesn't last forever. One day, when your partner's beauty begins to fade, what will be left to hold your interest? To capture your heart?
Beauty comes in many forms. There's physical beauty and there's the beauty that comes from within. If you happen to find a woman who possesses both, then that's a bonus. Let's use Hollywood as an example. Think of all the beautiful women who can't find true love. They marry again and again, but yet they can't seem to hold on to their men. The same goes for Hollywood's beautiful men.
So what is the reason that their relationships don't last? Is it lack of physical beauty? Certainly not. It's lack of emotional beauty. That's what holds a man or woman captive through the ages. Physical beauty fades, but inner beauty lasts throughout the ages.
Perhaps your father is right, and you've been looking for love in all the wrong places. Why not look for quality women where they tend to congregate? You'll not find them at a Rave or hanging out in a bar. You'll find them in church, volunteering at the local shelter, walking their dog, sitting at the edge of a lake feeding the ducks, enjoying all the beautiful things that life has to offer.
Is your goal to find a life-long partner or to have a temporary trophy at your side? The former is so much more fulfilling than the latter. The choice is yours.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 491
You know it is odd, when I went to the rave in LA recently, I saw my ex-girlfriend...
It wasnt really her, but I swear, it was an exact copy. From the cap, to how tall she was, to what she was wearing, everything.... I swear I couldve went to her and treated her like my exgf but of course she'd think I'm psycho (ok maybe I am) but I'm telling you nothing like the feeling of seeing your ex again.
She used to go to raves for a year or two, I'm not too clear, popping 5-6 pills of ecstacy a night... We like the same kind of music so when she used to go it'd be the same kind of party. Thus, seeing my exgf in the same rave wouldnt be too suprising although she is suppose to be totally clean today though I have no idea since we lost contact.
I remember walking over to her to get a good look at her face, cause I wondered if it really was her....
That was quite something, she was with a guy the whole time, else I'd probably talk to her or at least tell her she reminds me of my ex... hell, I wouldnt mind experiencing love with her again.
Funny what destiny may place before you for whatever reason it see's fit.
It wasnt really her, but I swear, it was an exact copy. From the cap, to how tall she was, to what she was wearing, everything.... I swear I couldve went to her and treated her like my exgf but of course she'd think I'm psycho (ok maybe I am) but I'm telling you nothing like the feeling of seeing your ex again.
She used to go to raves for a year or two, I'm not too clear, popping 5-6 pills of ecstacy a night... We like the same kind of music so when she used to go it'd be the same kind of party. Thus, seeing my exgf in the same rave wouldnt be too suprising although she is suppose to be totally clean today though I have no idea since we lost contact.
I remember walking over to her to get a good look at her face, cause I wondered if it really was her....
That was quite something, she was with a guy the whole time, else I'd probably talk to her or at least tell her she reminds me of my ex... hell, I wouldnt mind experiencing love with her again.
Funny what destiny may place before you for whatever reason it see's fit.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 491
So she contacted me tonight.. it started with a nothing conversation, then she started saying how she is alone right now wish i was there... and man honestly i wish i was there tooo... but before i could let her do anymore effort to try to seduce / persuade me and make me feel like i starting to owe her something, its been troubling my heart that she thinks maybe i can help... so i finally told her, and man i cant tell you how hard it was to type these words and hit the enter key. i feel like im letting a lil girl die on the streets almost.... i mean, when i typed, i really had to flex to press that enter key.... and close my eyes..
this is what i wrote:
"you know, ive been thinking of your green card problem since i got back SF a lot... i researched a lot too and etc.. i just wanted to tell you as much as id love to help and i truly think your very beautiful and as much as i LIKE you, i wont be able to help you as far as marriage ... "
She replied really nicely, said its ok, she can understand.... that was comforting, and my heart hasnt been able to rest until I tell her.... as one good friend on this forum pm'ed me, i dont feel closure and she offered a way for me to do so... i guess i really wanted to tell her to really close things being that she started talking to me again....
She says we are still good friends... she seems to really understand what I feared in that maybe she was hanging out with me just for the deal...
But now, shes asking me to go with her to Hawaii this xmas, says her boyfriend wont be going.... man, I could go! But .. im sure I'll get shot when her boyfriend finds out....
temptations going crazy!!!
this is what i wrote:
"you know, ive been thinking of your green card problem since i got back SF a lot... i researched a lot too and etc.. i just wanted to tell you as much as id love to help and i truly think your very beautiful and as much as i LIKE you, i wont be able to help you as far as marriage ... "
She replied really nicely, said its ok, she can understand.... that was comforting, and my heart hasnt been able to rest until I tell her.... as one good friend on this forum pm'ed me, i dont feel closure and she offered a way for me to do so... i guess i really wanted to tell her to really close things being that she started talking to me again....
She says we are still good friends... she seems to really understand what I feared in that maybe she was hanging out with me just for the deal...
But now, shes asking me to go with her to Hawaii this xmas, says her boyfriend wont be going.... man, I could go! But .. im sure I'll get shot when her boyfriend finds out....
temptations going crazy!!!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
