Was it bad to save her?
My Cape Is at The Cleaners
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Metropolis
Posts: 1,117
Was it bad to save her?
The phone rang at 2:20 am; it was my wife asking if I was busy and crying.
She tells me the fellow she has been living with has beaten her, and it was not the 1st time.
She said she was scared and asked for my help. She said she need to leave at once and he took the car keys.
Now 2 days ago she had called to tell men that things were changing fast and that we needed to talk soon, but she could not tell me much at that time.
She also mention getting some tickets for us where we were going to go on our last wedding anniversary.
She told me she was sober for five months and would like to keep it that way.
I told her that since I was 75 miles away it was not like I could just get there at once and that I had some reservations.
She searched for the keys to her truck and could not find them.
I told her just to leave the house, to get out before he came back.
It was too late; he grabbed the phone screaming.
He put the phone down and I heard her screaming, he was beating her.
The phone went dead.
I can not express in word my feelings at this time, to here her crying, screaming for help as he hit her.
What hell must I walk through, has this not been enough?
I called 911.
I also called her son’s father to make sure his boy was safe, he told me that he was and this has been happening for some time
She got to the house next door and called me.
Through a series of calls the sheriff got to her and took her to the station.
I got the call from the station to pick up my wife.
My wife, after a year I was to see her, like this.
All the thoughts that went through my head of not enabling her, of her putting herself in this sitch.
What was I to do?
What?
I got to talk to her.
I told her that I would get her to somewhere safe, but she need to seek help for all of this on her own, she agreed.
After 90 min. of driving I entered the station.
There she stood with her little dog.
I saw my wife for the 1st time in a year, and with all due love, she was not in good shape.
This was not the woman I remembered, but in her eyes, her eyes showed my wife.
“Hello stranger” she said.
I said hello, we put our arms around each other, and she cried.
The ride back was emotional at times.
She told me her plans had been set for weeks, to sell every thing, move in with her parents, seek help, and start with me on our path.
She wanted to see her son at his father’s get his truck and pick up her things when it was safe, and move to her parents.
I agreed to take her there.
After we got there she said she was sorry if she acted bitchy to me or said anything to upset me.
She wanted our meeting to be different; she was not ready to deal with me like this at least.
I told her to take her time, get rest, and be safe.
I found out today that the guy was arrested and put in jail.
She made back up the mountain with ex #2 to get her stuff, all is safe for now.
I feel ok with making sure she was not hurt any further, but will let this play out as it will.
She knows I feel she needed to seek help with her drinking before there can be any more us.
I know this is a rough road, but she is safe now, I hope she can see she does matter and does have a chance.
She tells me the fellow she has been living with has beaten her, and it was not the 1st time.
She said she was scared and asked for my help. She said she need to leave at once and he took the car keys.
Now 2 days ago she had called to tell men that things were changing fast and that we needed to talk soon, but she could not tell me much at that time.
She also mention getting some tickets for us where we were going to go on our last wedding anniversary.
She told me she was sober for five months and would like to keep it that way.
I told her that since I was 75 miles away it was not like I could just get there at once and that I had some reservations.
She searched for the keys to her truck and could not find them.
I told her just to leave the house, to get out before he came back.
It was too late; he grabbed the phone screaming.
He put the phone down and I heard her screaming, he was beating her.
The phone went dead.
I can not express in word my feelings at this time, to here her crying, screaming for help as he hit her.
What hell must I walk through, has this not been enough?
I called 911.
I also called her son’s father to make sure his boy was safe, he told me that he was and this has been happening for some time
She got to the house next door and called me.
Through a series of calls the sheriff got to her and took her to the station.
I got the call from the station to pick up my wife.
My wife, after a year I was to see her, like this.
All the thoughts that went through my head of not enabling her, of her putting herself in this sitch.
What was I to do?
What?
I got to talk to her.
I told her that I would get her to somewhere safe, but she need to seek help for all of this on her own, she agreed.
After 90 min. of driving I entered the station.
There she stood with her little dog.
I saw my wife for the 1st time in a year, and with all due love, she was not in good shape.
This was not the woman I remembered, but in her eyes, her eyes showed my wife.
“Hello stranger” she said.
I said hello, we put our arms around each other, and she cried.
The ride back was emotional at times.
She told me her plans had been set for weeks, to sell every thing, move in with her parents, seek help, and start with me on our path.
She wanted to see her son at his father’s get his truck and pick up her things when it was safe, and move to her parents.
I agreed to take her there.
After we got there she said she was sorry if she acted bitchy to me or said anything to upset me.
She wanted our meeting to be different; she was not ready to deal with me like this at least.
I told her to take her time, get rest, and be safe.
I found out today that the guy was arrested and put in jail.
She made back up the mountain with ex #2 to get her stuff, all is safe for now.
I feel ok with making sure she was not hurt any further, but will let this play out as it will.
She knows I feel she needed to seek help with her drinking before there can be any more us.
I know this is a rough road, but she is safe now, I hope she can see she does matter and does have a chance.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Chris, you acted with compassion and care and there is nothing wrong with that at all. You helped her get to a safe place and have left the rest up to her, and there's nothing wrong with that either. Abused women need all the help they can get, and then they need to learn how to help themselves. I believe that is exactly where you left this situation, yes?
You did a nice thing, and I think in your heart you know that.
My prayers go out for both of you, that this may lead to a better path, a more peaceful path, for each of you.
Hugs
Ann
You did a nice thing, and I think in your heart you know that.
My prayers go out for both of you, that this may lead to a better path, a more peaceful path, for each of you.
Hugs
Ann
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
I think you handled the situation perfectly. You got her to a safe place and told her she'd have to take responsibility for herself. I know it was very difficult for you to walk away and leave her to sort things out for herself. That's recovery in action. You should be proud of yourself.
And I'm soooo glad to hear that her little dog was still safely at her side.
FD
And I'm soooo glad to hear that her little dog was still safely at her side.
FD
My Cape Is at The Cleaners
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Metropolis
Posts: 1,117
Thank you all for writing.
Also thank you for your votes of confidence, it’s hard sometimes to know what to do when faced with some of this stuff.
For those of you who do not know, yes we are still married, so there is a part of me that still feels very tied to her.
She called Sunday again and we talked for about an hour.
In a nutshell, he is gone, she is selling stuff and she has a break since he is gone so time is on her side for awhile.
She claims she would like to see me now, hell what a thing to lay on me after all this.
So I’m taking all this very slow, it’s been a long weekend and a lot of emotions have been stirred up.
She seemed in a bad mood today.
That’s ok, I’m stepping lightly here and protecting myself.
Also thank you for your votes of confidence, it’s hard sometimes to know what to do when faced with some of this stuff.
For those of you who do not know, yes we are still married, so there is a part of me that still feels very tied to her.
She called Sunday again and we talked for about an hour.
In a nutshell, he is gone, she is selling stuff and she has a break since he is gone so time is on her side for awhile.
She claims she would like to see me now, hell what a thing to lay on me after all this.
So I’m taking all this very slow, it’s been a long weekend and a lot of emotions have been stirred up.
She seemed in a bad mood today.
That’s ok, I’m stepping lightly here and protecting myself.
My Cape Is at The Cleaners
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Metropolis
Posts: 1,117
A little disappointed, but not surprised. It has been over a week now since I helped out the run away wife here and I have not heard anything.
I really did not have any great expectations here except that I was hoping at least to know of her safety.
I mean after being beat and having the authorities evolved, would you not at least let the guy who saved your but know how you are?
Is this asking too much?
I sent off a new comer’s packet from Alanon to my stepson and his Father. Only because we spoke of it and he wanted to know more.
As for my father in law, he knows I called and has my number, but still no word from him.
Well just venting here, but I hope things are better for her.
I do know I will think twice next time she tugs on my cape to be saved.
I really did not have any great expectations here except that I was hoping at least to know of her safety.
I mean after being beat and having the authorities evolved, would you not at least let the guy who saved your but know how you are?
Is this asking too much?
I sent off a new comer’s packet from Alanon to my stepson and his Father. Only because we spoke of it and he wanted to know more.
As for my father in law, he knows I called and has my number, but still no word from him.
Well just venting here, but I hope things are better for her.
I do know I will think twice next time she tugs on my cape to be saved.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Virginia
Posts: 21
I think you did the right things. What a strong person you are to deal with that then back off to let her tend to her needs. Perhaps she really is getting herself together before contacting you again. Go do something for yourself - you should be proud of your actions.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 261
I think you did good too! It's good she got out of that situation. Hope everything works out!!! Lots of times I feel like that with myself that I'm "Super Codie" to the rescue...but in this situation, you did the right thing..
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,579
(((mr.c.))) It can be so frustrating, can't it..........add little input and lots of thinking (that's what I do sometimes) until I am xhausted. Sending you a prayer and a hug! (you did good,too 
(you knew that!)
(you knew that!)
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