Mara

What a month. I discovered that my daughter is using drugs and the body snatcher has her under her power. I cried a river and caused a flood but I am ready for the battle. I want to thank everyone who posts here. The various post have educated me and enable me to help this child of mine. I came here looking for answers and I found them. Because of you, I was abled to comfront this child and got some results. Last night she came into my bedroom and kissed and hugged me. She apologized for her actions and said she will do everything it takes to get herself straight. Now I need some advice. Her actions and willingness in the last couple of days demonstrated to me that she going in the right direction. It is only the beginning but it is a great beginning.
Here lies my delima. All the people who she got involved with using drugs will keep calling. Should I move to another state to get her out of their reach. It will be a financial burden but I can do it. I don't want to look back and wish I had done it. I met a person who is in rehab. He told me that his program requires that he have no contact with anyone that he has used drugs with before. The reason is that the brain, a creature of habit will associate the drug used with the person and could lapse you back to using. Thank you all. Please help me again. What do you think?

Mara

bonbon

Mara,
Welcome to the boards...So glad your here.

I am sure some other members will have some more solid adivce for you soon. I just thought I would relate that I beleive it is true that friends, places etc, can trigger an addict to use again, or keep using. My x-A could be at his brothers house only drinking. But if the acquantance came over that he has smoked crack with before was there....he would want it. He's told me that before. I guess it is similar to putting an overweight person in a donut shop who is trying to diet...??

So, Is moving away the answer? Only you and your daughter could decide that...but your daughter could choose to steer clear of the "donut shop" or donut makers, as you know those places tend to be now a days, just about anywhere if the user wants to seek it out...it shall be found.

Keep posting...and Welcome!

Love&Hugs!

devastated

Hi Mara:

Hope today is a good day for both you and your daughter. I read your post and, although, I am not ready to give advice because I have a son who has absolutely drained me of all good thinking, I was just wondering about your question of moving. You know, Mara, I did that years ago. Moved so my son would have a better chance to get away from all the old "haunts." I went kicking and screaming because I loved my house and where I lived; however, we moved. Well, to no avail, because he found new "friends" at the new home. It's like the wiser ladies on this forum have indicated "they have to want it." I know the feeling about dangling the donut. I know how I feel when I want chocolate!! I remember how difficult it was for me to quit smoking! But I did it after 32 years of smoking I quit because I wanted to. Can't you tell the people who are calling NOT TO CALL AGAIN? CAN YOU SAY SHE ISN'T THERE ANYMORE? Just don't give up, keep praying! Hugs, Devastated Hi Mara:

Clowie

My husband and I did the same thing... We packed up and moved to a "better Nicer more expensive" neighborhood... thinking that would solve the problem... but it did not... He only made New "friends"... and continued to dabble with death....

Like Devasted said... The addict has got to want to quit.... You can spend 30,000 dollars on a rehab... and the first week out they can relapse.... The point is They have to want to quit....

Do something nice for you.... you like your house... Don't move... Drugs and Drinking are everywhere... You cannot hide from them... You only choose not to do them...

Hugs to you... Your friend... Clowie

sugar52

dear mara,
so glad ur here. it's good that ur daughter has u. u didn't say how old she is.i hope u can seek counsel from a professional agency, which will steer the family if their willing to a 12 step program of recovery. ur daughter needs to want a better life. if she is a minor there are different responsibilities as a parent and guidance levels and rules. god bless u both and keep posting and reading the sticky posts.
hugs from sugar
p.s. i have two nephews in las vegas, it is a difficult environment to raise children, but if a person wants to use drugs, they will find them in any place they go.

Bollingg

As a person in both AA and Al Anon the answer is for an alcoholic to remain sober they must be responsible for their own sobereity. We advise newcomers in AA not to hang out with their old drinking and drugging buddies for the same reason we advise newcomers not to hang out in bars. The idea being if a person wants to stay sober they have to change their lifestyles, which means not hanging out in a drinking, drugging environment. I have met many alcoholics who have changed (including me when I was bouncing in and out of the program) were the live and work thinking it will help them stay sober, but it never does. As one of AA books say's the root cause of alcoholism is self centered obsession. When a person totally gives up the idea that it is ok to obsess about their own wants then they will get sober. They will stay sober as long as they retain this attitude.

MissAliceB

I read your story and I immediately was touched. I pray for you to find the right answer. I would like to share a story of mine. I got involved with the wrong crowd in high school. I made the decision that I wanted out. This was after months of my parents telling me I was in big trouble and my grades dropped. I was an "A" student taking all the college prep classes and when my grades dropped I knew I was in big trouble. Any way, after I made this decision, my parents helped me rehabilitate. I moved my locker at school, changed classes that were with the "bad" crowd, notified my teachers so they could help with any threats that I received ect..., and went to meetings. It worked for me because I really wanted to change. We did not move and it worked.

I think if someone is committed to changing you help them find the way out. During all this I was grounded and my parents took my drivers license away. They actually shuttled me to and from school. BUT, make no mistake, I was a willing participant. If I was not ready, it would not have happened. I was a very rebelious teenager and would have found a way around it if I wanted to.

hope that helps. and my prayers are with you.

Ann

I agree that moving may not be the solution, but for your own peace of mind, why don't you change your phone number to an unlisted one. Also, you can block out numbers that you don't want to get through. Just a suggestion, and I hope it helps.

Mara

Thank you! Thank you!!!!!! Your advice is very sound and I will treasure it. I think that if I move, I will do it for me instead of for her. You are so right. She needs to make all the moves for herselfs. I am glad to report the she has been very candid. And she has taken steps to help herself. But these are only the first steps. Honestly, I am petrified. I go to bed at night drained. But scare or not I am taking on the body snatcher. It can not have my child. She has a whole life ahead for her and whatever is in my power to do for her I will. Yesterday, she called me in her room. She just wanted a hug. It has been a while since she would hug me. She has been hugging her glass pipe instead. She has cried and I have sobbed but we are still hugging. She asked me why I cared and love her so much. I told her that for anyone or anything to make me stop loving her they would have to first put me in the grave first and even then my God would make sure that she knew that I love her. She is slowly opening up. I am full of hope. I know that there will be setbacks. But I will not dwell on the setbacks. I will concentrate on each victory. And folks today, I feel victorious.

hotlips

My son (14) is in a drug rehab right now. I honestly don't know if this is going to "cure" him, but I know in my heart that he will be different when he comes home. When I first found out he was using drugs I had my mom move to an appartment in a different school district and miles away from his old buddies. It didn't work at all. He hadn't come to terms that he even had a problem. The rehab is preparing him to re-enter his life. I am considering moving now. If there is true committment for change, I feel it would be easier to achieve if the "Old gang" isn't 5 minutes down the treat to a world of drugs. THEY CAN BE FOUND ANY WHERE.
It is his choice and his decisions to make and his consequences.

But, I feel that it is tough to send a kid back to a school where he is considered a drugged out, brain fried loser. What kind of self-esteem would you have going back to that type of enviroments with no friends (hard to make because none of the good kids parents would want your kid around theres)

Just some thoughts and would appreciate some opions.

Tammy