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-   -   Semantics? (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/friends-family-alcoholics/69456-semantics.html)

JennyK 09-02-2005 06:47 PM

Semantics?
 
My husband is an alcoholic. By definition, he is sick.

I choose to stay with him.

I choose to live my life.

I make that choice every day.

By some definitions I would be considered co-dependent and an enabler for the sole reason that I love an alcoholic and consider him my friend.

By some definitions I would need to get well.

I choose not to view myself as a sick person.

I choose not to see my life as one of dependence on anyone's illness.

For today I choose to see myself as a continual learner who knows more today than I did yesterday.

For today I choose to see myself as some who is capable of love and forgiveness and self care.

For today I realize I have made mistakes today. This does not make me ill. This makes me human.

Sickness, illness, disease...I don't see them in myself.

Loving, learning, aware...I do see those things.

The day I realized that there was another way to view my world was the day I realized that I had a choice of seeing my behaviors as a sickness or as a choice.

I made a choice and I am not a sick person.

Jenny

Gooch 09-02-2005 09:21 PM


Originally Posted by JennyK
By some definitions I would be considered co-dependent and an enabler for the sole reason that I love an alcoholic and consider him my friend

pretty incomplete defintions .. maybe even misinterpretations?

equus 09-02-2005 10:46 PM

I don't see myself as ill either, life is too short and has too much to smile at in it for me to want to spend it feeling ill. I check my health when things are tough, but if (and so far I have) I get the all clear, then I go on and enjoy it. I think that's just having a positive attitude - something I think is very healthy.

Cap3 09-03-2005 04:21 AM

The beautiful al-anon recovery program is for my own recovery.Im sick when im thinking that i caused another disease,trying to cure another disease,and trying to control another disease.This is where my own illness plays into the family disease of alcoholism.When im not able to live and let another live.recovery,for myself no matter what another is doing/not doing.Ive never seen in our recovery books in al-anon,it talking about being co-dependant.. Ive never seen it myself.An enabler is when im taking away anothers conquences of their own actions away from them.If i do this.Im causing more harm than good,from my own opinion here.Once i start my own recovery,what others do or don't do doesnt have the power on me that it had before.Im able to have peace within the storms.Im free then,to give and recieve love from another,no longer on conditions.im in a relationship because thats where i want to be,not have to be.Makes a difference.And am able to seperate anothers thoughts/actions from my own.Others can see this as they want to,.its ok.Because they don't live in my skin.I do,,,lol.But if im wanting approval,i will very rarely get this from others.And this is where i need to work on myself,here.,if bothered about this.Learning to accept again,life on lifes terms.Others may think alot of things about me,whats important,is what do i think about me?What do i think about my relationship?All can throw the lables at me.its up to me what i accept,as the truth for me...smile...

Gooch 09-03-2005 04:29 AM

much better definition and interpretation Cap.

FriendofBill 09-03-2005 06:59 AM

I perfer to stay in reality. I am a sick person, trying to get well, 24 hrs at at ime. If I try to tell myself that my addiction to another person is *not* sickness, I shall return to denial.

Not a place I prefer anymore.

AstridPearl 09-03-2005 07:14 AM

I sometimes have trouble with calling alcoholism a 'disease' myself, or co-dependancy for that matter.

I think that at times my AH uses this definition to excuse his behavior, to say that he has no control over it. I think that it can be used to justify not controlling your life. Just like my AH does.

Perhaps it is a 'disease', co-dependancy and alcoholism.. like any 'disease' you can't choose whether or not you have it, but you can choose to treat it. It all boils down to choice... Do I choose to act on my impulses of self-destruction or not? There is a choice involved. You may or may not be predisposed to behave a certain way, but that in no way excuses the behavior.(I suppose this is mostly directed to the alcoholic).

I see your point Jennyk, sometimes I get caught up in the Semantics of it myself. I think that the important thing is that you are able to see what actions you engage in that are unhealthy and work on fixing those. Not that you classify yourself as 'diseased'. I am not sure that I agree with that term either, because it is too often used as an excuse to engage in drinking or controlling.

splendra 09-03-2005 07:22 AM

((((JennyK))))

I think it is good that you do not see yourself as sick but, as one responsible for their own choices.

May God richly bless you and your choices.


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