When Do My Boundries Become His Pressures?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Nowhere TX
Posts: 60
When Do My Boundries Become His Pressures?
Hi, I’m new here and I'll apologize in advance for the length of this post, but figured I'd get it all out.
I’ve been reading posts for about a week now and finally joined. When I found this place I cried. Finally—I’m not alone. That may sound stupid, but it’s the way I felt.
<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>
Things I was confused over, I realized..It’s not just me. He does twist things up and around and sideways until you wonder, what did I do wrong? Was it really anything? Was it everything? Where am I… WHO am I?
<o:p></o:p>
My husband has drunk for years. We’ve been married for ten. For the most part, it was never an issue, but in the four it's gotten progressively worse. Of course I didn’t help it at all. He drank because of me. Or because I didn’t understand his job stress, or because I was too busy with the kids, the house, the…whatever. As long as I went ‘along’ things were smoother. Of course my job is a problem, in case any were wondering. I’m a writer. It’s beside the point he bought me the new computer because he was so ‘proud’ of me for that first contract, then two days later proceeded to threaten to throw the d*#$ thing out the window.
<o:p></o:p>
Well, it took a while. What can I say? I realize now, my ‘automatic angry pilot’ never helped matters. Nor the begging and pleading to stop drinking, the funks I’d get in thinking …somehow, someway I’ll figure out how to make our family enough that he won’t need a drink. (wasn’t I the egocentric one?) Hiding his drinking from others. Yeah, I helped out in my own ignorant way.
<o:p></o:p>
But then about a month ago, it was like… I don’t know, God reached down, thumped me on the head and something clicked. That may sound cooky, but it was like I finally …got it, or something. Or maybe I just stepped back ‘out’ of the picture and saw it from another perspective. But I realized, I have NO control over this. THAT hurt. I love this man, in many ways more than I did when we first met. He’s been my best friend, the father of my children, the sharer of my dreams and I his. But this…this I can’t do. I can beg, plead, hide, yell, but until HE wants to quit--hell, high water, nor me will make him do it. And if I did, it’d be for the wrong reasons.
Sometimes epiphanies bring you to your knees.
<o:p></o:p>
So I tried not to be so ‘reactive’ (if that’s the proper word) and tried to be more proactive. Instead of focusing on his drinking and what it was doing. I focused back on my career because it IS something I’m good at. I joined a gym, ordered more Al-Anon and Codependent books. And more importantly I focused back on our kids. And simple joys in life like star studded nights and the smell of rain.
<o:p></o:p>
Then last week I found this site while trying to find a local Al Anon group (of which I’m out of luck). Anyway, I started reading posts, started to see patterns in my own life, my own reactions, my own….thinking. Things *I* could work on even more.
<o:p></o:p>
I don’t want to throw away a marriage without even trying, ya know? He has his issues and I have mine. I told him very calmly we each needed to work on I/Me, before we could start working on the We/Us/Our. (That went over well, let me tell you). Am I wrong? I flat told him that this was HIS problem. He could no more ‘fix’ my anger and resentment issues than I could ‘fix’ his drinking.
<o:p></o:p>
Of course that was a screwed up way of looking at it and I was reading too much Al-Anon material, making too much out of all this. I don’t think I’m wrong here, but sometimes things get so damn confusing that I feel like arttags" /><?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office[img] /><st1:place w:st=[/img]<st1:City w:st="on">Alice</st1:City></st1:place> in freaking wonderland.
<o:p></o:p>
We even talked very calmly and rationally about my joining Al-Anon since it was well over an hour’s drive away and he could join AA (only half an hour). Of course he said all the right things, and I still listened. Why is that? Why do we, who have been lied to time and time again, still hope that THIS time, THIS time will be different? Not that I even ASKED him to. I simply told him I’d really like to join but it was late in the evenings and he’d have to put the kids to bed. He wondered why since he’d thought about joining AA which was in town. I told him there wasn’t AlAnon in town, it was in the next one.
<o:p></o:p>
I told him he could do what he wanted to. I wanted him to work on his issues if he wanted to, but realized I had no control over whether he did or didn’t, that I had to focus on me. I know he’s wrestled this demon and I don’t want to ‘not’ support him. But I’m so tired of lies and lies and more lies. I’d like to know he could pick up the kids and I wouldn’t think twice about asking him because he may or may not be drinking. I want a life back.
<o:p></o:p>
Anyway, while he was saying he wanted to go to AA and everything else, I calmly said, “I hope you do. Because until you take action, hon, it’s just talk.”
<o:p></o:p>
But then I took a deep breath, looked him straight in the eye and let him know that I wasn’t living this life forever. I love him and always will, but I’m tired of not having a partner. I miss my best friend. I told him that I wasn’t threatening him or anything like that (and at one point I did and would have) but now, if I left him it would be because of ME. Not him, because he’s going to do whatever he wants regardless. But I have to think of me and the kids and how this all affects them. There wasn’t any yelling (at least not on my part), hell I barely spoke above a whisper.
<o:p></o:p>
But it was twisted all around to me pressuring him into quitting. I told him I was sorry he saw it that way. I was only letting him know that I wanted changes to happen, in myself and between us. I would work on my part and he could or could not on his, that was up to him.
<o:p></o:p>
Was that wrong? I just don’t know anything anymore. I really don’t. What seems right at one point….I just don’t know anymore. I miss knowing simple things.
<o:p></o:p>
Sorry for rambling on and on like this. I told myself I’d give a ‘short’ introduction, but ended up crying and typing a tome, huh?
<o:p></o:p>
I feel better though just for getting it out. And thank you all that are here. You have no idea the inspiration and help you’ve given me. Blesslings to you all!
<o:p></o:p>
I hope you’ve all found something to enjoy today, mine was hearing my kids’ laughter. J
I’ve been reading posts for about a week now and finally joined. When I found this place I cried. Finally—I’m not alone. That may sound stupid, but it’s the way I felt.
<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>
Things I was confused over, I realized..It’s not just me. He does twist things up and around and sideways until you wonder, what did I do wrong? Was it really anything? Was it everything? Where am I… WHO am I?
<o:p></o:p>
My husband has drunk for years. We’ve been married for ten. For the most part, it was never an issue, but in the four it's gotten progressively worse. Of course I didn’t help it at all. He drank because of me. Or because I didn’t understand his job stress, or because I was too busy with the kids, the house, the…whatever. As long as I went ‘along’ things were smoother. Of course my job is a problem, in case any were wondering. I’m a writer. It’s beside the point he bought me the new computer because he was so ‘proud’ of me for that first contract, then two days later proceeded to threaten to throw the d*#$ thing out the window.
<o:p></o:p>
Well, it took a while. What can I say? I realize now, my ‘automatic angry pilot’ never helped matters. Nor the begging and pleading to stop drinking, the funks I’d get in thinking …somehow, someway I’ll figure out how to make our family enough that he won’t need a drink. (wasn’t I the egocentric one?) Hiding his drinking from others. Yeah, I helped out in my own ignorant way.
<o:p></o:p>
But then about a month ago, it was like… I don’t know, God reached down, thumped me on the head and something clicked. That may sound cooky, but it was like I finally …got it, or something. Or maybe I just stepped back ‘out’ of the picture and saw it from another perspective. But I realized, I have NO control over this. THAT hurt. I love this man, in many ways more than I did when we first met. He’s been my best friend, the father of my children, the sharer of my dreams and I his. But this…this I can’t do. I can beg, plead, hide, yell, but until HE wants to quit--hell, high water, nor me will make him do it. And if I did, it’d be for the wrong reasons.
Sometimes epiphanies bring you to your knees.
<o:p></o:p>
So I tried not to be so ‘reactive’ (if that’s the proper word) and tried to be more proactive. Instead of focusing on his drinking and what it was doing. I focused back on my career because it IS something I’m good at. I joined a gym, ordered more Al-Anon and Codependent books. And more importantly I focused back on our kids. And simple joys in life like star studded nights and the smell of rain.
<o:p></o:p>
Then last week I found this site while trying to find a local Al Anon group (of which I’m out of luck). Anyway, I started reading posts, started to see patterns in my own life, my own reactions, my own….thinking. Things *I* could work on even more.
<o:p></o:p>
I don’t want to throw away a marriage without even trying, ya know? He has his issues and I have mine. I told him very calmly we each needed to work on I/Me, before we could start working on the We/Us/Our. (That went over well, let me tell you). Am I wrong? I flat told him that this was HIS problem. He could no more ‘fix’ my anger and resentment issues than I could ‘fix’ his drinking.
<o:p></o:p>
Of course that was a screwed up way of looking at it and I was reading too much Al-Anon material, making too much out of all this. I don’t think I’m wrong here, but sometimes things get so damn confusing that I feel like arttags" /><?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office[img] /><st1:place w:st=[/img]<st1:City w:st="on">Alice</st1:City></st1:place> in freaking wonderland.
<o:p></o:p>
We even talked very calmly and rationally about my joining Al-Anon since it was well over an hour’s drive away and he could join AA (only half an hour). Of course he said all the right things, and I still listened. Why is that? Why do we, who have been lied to time and time again, still hope that THIS time, THIS time will be different? Not that I even ASKED him to. I simply told him I’d really like to join but it was late in the evenings and he’d have to put the kids to bed. He wondered why since he’d thought about joining AA which was in town. I told him there wasn’t AlAnon in town, it was in the next one.
<o:p></o:p>
I told him he could do what he wanted to. I wanted him to work on his issues if he wanted to, but realized I had no control over whether he did or didn’t, that I had to focus on me. I know he’s wrestled this demon and I don’t want to ‘not’ support him. But I’m so tired of lies and lies and more lies. I’d like to know he could pick up the kids and I wouldn’t think twice about asking him because he may or may not be drinking. I want a life back.
<o:p></o:p>
Anyway, while he was saying he wanted to go to AA and everything else, I calmly said, “I hope you do. Because until you take action, hon, it’s just talk.”
<o:p></o:p>
But then I took a deep breath, looked him straight in the eye and let him know that I wasn’t living this life forever. I love him and always will, but I’m tired of not having a partner. I miss my best friend. I told him that I wasn’t threatening him or anything like that (and at one point I did and would have) but now, if I left him it would be because of ME. Not him, because he’s going to do whatever he wants regardless. But I have to think of me and the kids and how this all affects them. There wasn’t any yelling (at least not on my part), hell I barely spoke above a whisper.
<o:p></o:p>
But it was twisted all around to me pressuring him into quitting. I told him I was sorry he saw it that way. I was only letting him know that I wanted changes to happen, in myself and between us. I would work on my part and he could or could not on his, that was up to him.
<o:p></o:p>
Was that wrong? I just don’t know anything anymore. I really don’t. What seems right at one point….I just don’t know anymore. I miss knowing simple things.
<o:p></o:p>
Sorry for rambling on and on like this. I told myself I’d give a ‘short’ introduction, but ended up crying and typing a tome, huh?
<o:p></o:p>
I feel better though just for getting it out. And thank you all that are here. You have no idea the inspiration and help you’ve given me. Blesslings to you all!
<o:p></o:p>
I hope you’ve all found something to enjoy today, mine was hearing my kids’ laughter. J
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Sussex, NJ
Posts: 1,331
Well you've said your piece, now follow it up with action. It is always easy to speak the right words, changing and going against your heart and brain are totally different.
There is usually an Al Anon meeting where there is an AA meeting.
If he hasn't hit his bottom yet, no amount of begging, pleading is going to make him stop. No amount of telling him "I want my best friend back, our kids want their dad back etc" is going to get him to seek help.
YOU seek help for YOU ..... not for your marriage, not for your kids, FOR YOU!
Good luck and welcome to the merry go round ....... it's not an enjoyable trip for most of us until we take those first baby steps towards recovery. Good Luck, find a meeting for YOU and find a sponsor.
There is usually an Al Anon meeting where there is an AA meeting.
If he hasn't hit his bottom yet, no amount of begging, pleading is going to make him stop. No amount of telling him "I want my best friend back, our kids want their dad back etc" is going to get him to seek help.
YOU seek help for YOU ..... not for your marriage, not for your kids, FOR YOU!
Good luck and welcome to the merry go round ....... it's not an enjoyable trip for most of us until we take those first baby steps towards recovery. Good Luck, find a meeting for YOU and find a sponsor.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: boca raton florida
Posts: 46
Welcome FartherAlong! I am also pretty new to this site. I can tell you that the epiphony you had is a blessing. God, I wish I had that same thump a while ago! What I am realizing is that all this time the focus has been on HER and not ME. Now that she is in a rehab program, it has given me time to wrestle the demons that have developed in me, and were probably already present before my addicted fiancee and I got in to our relationship. I will be praying for you. I cannot imagine the pain this has caused in your life. Keep working on yourself. The mental and physical changes may just be what he needs to motivate him to also change. Whether or not he changes, it is not your fault nor are you the solution. But, change is good. You keep focused on you and your children. God bless. Keep reading through the posts here. It has given me a glimpse of the strength I can develop and also a window into my addict's mind.
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Originally Posted by fartheralong
But it was twisted all around to me pressuring him into quitting. I told him I was sorry he saw it that way. I was only letting him know that I wanted changes to happen, in myself and between us. I would work on my part and he could or could not on his, that was up to him.
He can continue doing as he pleases. No preasure from you. You are going to do what you need do for a healthy life style for you.
Boundaries are not controls on others, but are controls, guidelines for us.
To keep my life in order...this is where I draw the line.
Boundaries set are us telling others where we draw the line for our own peace of mind.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Nowhere TX
Posts: 60
Originally Posted by ASpouse
Good luck and welcome to the merry go round ....... it's not an enjoyable trip for most of us until we take those first baby steps towards recovery. Good Luck, find a meeting for YOU and find a sponsor.
As for AlAnon at the local AA meeting--no. I called the local office and AlAnon person. But that's okay. I'll get to one, one way or another, even if I have to get a sitter. Thank you and Blessings.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Nowhere TX
Posts: 60
Thank you, Sweepdaddy for the welcome and the prayers. Another newbie. 
I thank God I found this site. It has opened my eyes. You hang in there as well. Maybe one day we'll realize that things aren't so...bleak, but are really bright. Silver lining behind every cloud right?
I thank God I found this site. It has opened my eyes. You hang in there as well. Maybe one day we'll realize that things aren't so...bleak, but are really bright. Silver lining behind every cloud right?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Nowhere TX
Posts: 60
Originally Posted by best
Boundaries are not controls on others, but are controls, guidelines for us. Boundaries set are us telling others where we draw the line for our own peace of mind.
God Bless!
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
I told him I was sorry he saw it that way. I was only letting him know that I wanted changes to happen, in myself and between us. I would work on my part and he could or could not on his, that was up to him. Was that wrong?
So why does he do this? Because he's in deep denial. He's not ready to stop drinking, so he's convinced you that he doesn't have a problem, YOU do. Yes, denial is a powerful thing. And until he realizes that he has a problem, this pattern will likely continue.
But you can help break this pattern by helping him realize that he's the one with the problem. How can you do that? By learning how to stop enabling him. By letting go of the things you can't change. By learning to change the things you can. By learning how to take care of yourself. By learning how to take the focus off his drinking and place it on your own recovery. And how can you do this? Well, SoberRecovery is a good place to start, and I'm glad you're here. But there's no substitute for face-to-face meetings.
An hour-long drive isn't all that long and it will be time well spent. If you don't trust your hubby to care for your children while you attend meetings (and I certainly understand your hesitation), then perhaps a friend or neighbor could watch them for you. Some Alanon meetings even have child care and you can take the kids along. That way, you can focus all your attention on the meeting since you'll know your children are safe.
What do you say?
Cruelty-Free
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Body: South Florida Heart: Yosemite National Park
Posts: 914
Welcome to SR, fartheralong...
You've certainly come to the right place, and I am encouraged that you seem willing to go to any lengths to find recovery from this devastating family disease called alcoholism. A little bit of willingness goes a long way...
Keep coming back, we need ya!
You've certainly come to the right place, and I am encouraged that you seem willing to go to any lengths to find recovery from this devastating family disease called alcoholism. A little bit of willingness goes a long way...
Keep coming back, we need ya!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: US
Posts: 316
Hello,
Welcome. And hold on for the ride. And it can be a LONG ride. Each step takes a very long time for some people. The end result of your marriage and your life will be what it will be, predictions or not. Take it one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time, one breath at a time...we have all be there.
The FIRST thing I recommend doing is finding a MANTRA. Something simple. Something you can chant in your head when the "wholeness" of it all is just too overwhelming. Something that you can visualize when you are driving and all of a sudden you start to picture what "may" be waiting for you at home.
Mine is a continue chorus of "Let it go. It is not mine. Let it go"
You have got to find a way to stop those things from poisoning your mind. And it is the hardest thing in the world to do. And once you think you know it, you forget it and have to relearn it again. And more than once you will thank God or whoever you worship for this forum to remind you...so you can remember.
Make a list, a mental list and written list of all the things in your life you can control. I did that when I first joined this forum and everyone joined in (maybe someone can find it). And I READ this list over and over and over again.
My life is a billion times better. My husband is still drinking. I am happy. I am frustrated. I know what I can control and what I can not. Yet, I am no longer OUT OF CONTROL.
I loved reading your post. Must be the writer in you. I am feel our pain and I know your pain and I love my children and the stars and the laughter so much.
Late night ramblings as I know that once again I have decided that "I" have to change something about the same old, same old in my house. My husband came home sober tonight. He has no cash, that is why. Still, it was a nice evening. Too bad I am in control of his cash flow. Makes me part of his illness beyond measure.
You have a new beginning by seeking help. And you will learn every day, and it will be hard and you will grow strong and it will not make things better all at once. YOU will get better and feel good and THAT is a gift. Love that gift. I know, I do.
Jenny
Welcome. And hold on for the ride. And it can be a LONG ride. Each step takes a very long time for some people. The end result of your marriage and your life will be what it will be, predictions or not. Take it one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time, one breath at a time...we have all be there.
The FIRST thing I recommend doing is finding a MANTRA. Something simple. Something you can chant in your head when the "wholeness" of it all is just too overwhelming. Something that you can visualize when you are driving and all of a sudden you start to picture what "may" be waiting for you at home.
Mine is a continue chorus of "Let it go. It is not mine. Let it go"
You have got to find a way to stop those things from poisoning your mind. And it is the hardest thing in the world to do. And once you think you know it, you forget it and have to relearn it again. And more than once you will thank God or whoever you worship for this forum to remind you...so you can remember.
Make a list, a mental list and written list of all the things in your life you can control. I did that when I first joined this forum and everyone joined in (maybe someone can find it). And I READ this list over and over and over again.
My life is a billion times better. My husband is still drinking. I am happy. I am frustrated. I know what I can control and what I can not. Yet, I am no longer OUT OF CONTROL.
I loved reading your post. Must be the writer in you. I am feel our pain and I know your pain and I love my children and the stars and the laughter so much.
Late night ramblings as I know that once again I have decided that "I" have to change something about the same old, same old in my house. My husband came home sober tonight. He has no cash, that is why. Still, it was a nice evening. Too bad I am in control of his cash flow. Makes me part of his illness beyond measure.
You have a new beginning by seeking help. And you will learn every day, and it will be hard and you will grow strong and it will not make things better all at once. YOU will get better and feel good and THAT is a gift. Love that gift. I know, I do.
Jenny
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Nowhere TX
Posts: 60
Thank you FormerDoormat, nocellphone, and Jenny K for your advice and sharing your own stories.
FD--Yes, I really want to go to Al-Anon, working on sitters right now. I'm hoping to make my first meeting this week.
nocellphone-Thank you. Yes, I'm willing and don't worry, I'll be back. This place is a God send.
Jenny-(((HUGS))). Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. It's humbling, yet encouraging and...inspiring... I'm in constant amazement at the hope and strength I see from people I don't even know. And thank you for reminding me that there are no 'quick' fixes. I knew that, but sometimes we need reminding--or at least I do. I'm glad you got a bit of peace last night. Peace is a wonderful thing. Thank you too for the idea of the list and mantra. I'll do that.
Blessings to you all! And thank you again.
FD--Yes, I really want to go to Al-Anon, working on sitters right now.
I'm hoping to make my first meeting this week. nocellphone-Thank you. Yes, I'm willing and don't worry, I'll be back.
This place is a God send. Jenny-(((HUGS))). Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. It's humbling, yet encouraging and...inspiring... I'm in constant amazement at the hope and strength I see from people I don't even know. And thank you for reminding me that there are no 'quick' fixes. I knew that, but sometimes we need reminding--or at least I do. I'm glad you got a bit of peace last night. Peace is a wonderful thing. Thank you too for the idea of the list and mantra. I'll do that.
Blessings to you all! And thank you again.
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
It is interesting...that epiphany you spoke of. In an instant we know something that we did not know the moment before. I find it humbling.
I just wanted to help reinforce that your thinking is sound. There will be times when you may doubt yourself. It isn't easy to stay on course when your alcoholic loved one is fighting tooth and nail to make things go back to the way they were. But Further...if you can manage to do just that you will be rewarded in ways you have only begun to imagine.
Welcome to SR!
JT
I just wanted to help reinforce that your thinking is sound. There will be times when you may doubt yourself. It isn't easy to stay on course when your alcoholic loved one is fighting tooth and nail to make things go back to the way they were. But Further...if you can manage to do just that you will be rewarded in ways you have only begun to imagine.
Welcome to SR!
JT
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Oh and one more thing...getting yourself healthy before making any life altering decisions is a wise way to proceed. If I had reacted the way I wanted to I would have run. But I celebrated 24 years of marriage this month. When I got healthy it affected all of the interactions in my life. No one got sober but today the good far outwieghs the bad.
Hugs,
JT
Hugs,
JT
Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Southwest
Posts: 20
Right there with you
Fartheralong,
Listening to everything that you have said I truly can relate. Although I haven't been dealing with my AH as long as you have I have experienced so much of what you are describing. I am sure that everyone here can relate.
It's hard to deal with the blame for everything being put on you, which is something that I am struggling with myself. So much self-doubt creeps in and you really do start to wonder if it is your fault after all. Don't believe it for a second!!! And as you seem to be doing, keep working on you!!! YOU are the only one that you can control.
I read a book this weekend that you may be interested in. It's called "Getting Them Sober". The title is a little misleading, because it is really about dealing with the alcoholic in the healthiest way for YOU. Of course you can't get them sober, and that isn't what the book is about, but it helped me tremendously. It's short and sweet.
I hope you continue taking care of you and get to an AlAnon meeting. Keep coming back here, it's helped me so much.
Listening to everything that you have said I truly can relate. Although I haven't been dealing with my AH as long as you have I have experienced so much of what you are describing. I am sure that everyone here can relate.
It's hard to deal with the blame for everything being put on you, which is something that I am struggling with myself. So much self-doubt creeps in and you really do start to wonder if it is your fault after all. Don't believe it for a second!!! And as you seem to be doing, keep working on you!!! YOU are the only one that you can control.
I read a book this weekend that you may be interested in. It's called "Getting Them Sober". The title is a little misleading, because it is really about dealing with the alcoholic in the healthiest way for YOU. Of course you can't get them sober, and that isn't what the book is about, but it helped me tremendously. It's short and sweet.
I hope you continue taking care of you and get to an AlAnon meeting. Keep coming back here, it's helped me so much.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Litterbox City
Posts: 5,691
fartheralong - sorry i am late in welcoming you. this place IS a Godsend and has helped us all in one way or another. we all found it and came here in varying states of emotions. you sound like you have a good handle on the situation and are ready, willing and able to seek recovery for yourself!
tho i am by no means at the head of my class in my recovery - al-anon has given me tools that have helped me change some of MY behaviors when dealing with my AH's disease. my AH is still drinking too and it has come to the point that i am looking into leaving, but i feel better about coming to decisions in the right frame of mind and not out of panic!
keep coming back!
tho i am by no means at the head of my class in my recovery - al-anon has given me tools that have helped me change some of MY behaviors when dealing with my AH's disease. my AH is still drinking too and it has come to the point that i am looking into leaving, but i feel better about coming to decisions in the right frame of mind and not out of panic!
keep coming back!
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 1,637
Fartheralong!
Welcome to SR and welcome to your NEW LIFE!!! Congratulations! I have to agree with everything that's already been said, you're thinking is right on track!! The only thing I have to add is that you may want to try an on-line Al-anon group, not as a replacement to face to face meetings, but to supplement! www.keytoharmony.org is a wonderful group that has gotten me in touch with caring, supportive people from all over the world!
Blessings to you!
Shannon
Welcome to SR and welcome to your NEW LIFE!!! Congratulations! I have to agree with everything that's already been said, you're thinking is right on track!! The only thing I have to add is that you may want to try an on-line Al-anon group, not as a replacement to face to face meetings, but to supplement! www.keytoharmony.org is a wonderful group that has gotten me in touch with caring, supportive people from all over the world!
Blessings to you!
Shannon
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