Oh, so this is loving detachment...
How Important Is It?
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Cyberia
Posts: 612
Quote:
That Ah Ha moment when you realize that though you love them..your love can't save them from themselves...that you really start the letting go process.
LovingMom -
This is such a hard, and painful thing to do (with an alcoholic child), but I am feeling a lot of freedom now... I am giving myself permission to live my own life now... it is scary, but it also feels great...
Detaching from her problems doesn't mean I don't love her. It just means I no longer want to jump in and solve her problems for her...
Robina
That Ah Ha moment when you realize that though you love them..your love can't save them from themselves...that you really start the letting go process.
LovingMom -
This is such a hard, and painful thing to do (with an alcoholic child), but I am feeling a lot of freedom now... I am giving myself permission to live my own life now... it is scary, but it also feels great...
Detaching from her problems doesn't mean I don't love her. It just means I no longer want to jump in and solve her problems for her...
Robina
Heard it all before
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Weird NJ
Posts: 43
I know it is so hard, but you are doing the right thing, just remember that. Keep on the path you are going. And even if you slip up, it's ok, just get right back on that horse! Like someone else posted, it's taken some people years to figure out and do what you are doing now.
And just like Yoursister said I only hope my mom can find the same strength to stop enabling my brother, just as you did with your daughter.
As a mother myself I can only imagine that it's the hardest thing in the world to do, but you have raised your daughter right and now it is up to her to be responsible for her own life. You deserve to live yours in peace.
Good Luck!
And just like Yoursister said I only hope my mom can find the same strength to stop enabling my brother, just as you did with your daughter.
As a mother myself I can only imagine that it's the hardest thing in the world to do, but you have raised your daughter right and now it is up to her to be responsible for her own life. You deserve to live yours in peace.
Good Luck!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Mid-Life Express
Posts: 9,930
Yes , what a revelation and you figured it out myself! I have a long, slowly detachment at the moment! Do your best and if you fall pick yourself up, because by posting here you have proved yourself strong. With you all the way.
indigo
indigo
Reikihelps
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: PA
Posts: 221
Wasn't a soapbox, LM,
I think it was a helpful post especially is the moment you understand you can't control the disease, yet you do still love. Amazing distinction that is lifegiving all around.
((love to you too))
I think it was a helpful post especially
That Ah Ha moment when you realize that though you love them..your love can't save them
((love to you too))
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Parker, CO
Posts: 495
robina,
Sorry you are going through this. IT is painful to watch your own child destroy their lives, etc. It sounds like you are doing a lot of work for her driving her to AA mtgs, etc, which I would say is fine if she is willing to put in the effort, but from what you say she is not, so maybe she can start to find her own rides, etc.
It's hard to let go. I am learning this fine skill myself with my husband who is the alcoholic in my life. I have to let go. Control is not with me. I cant' control whether he drinks or not. It's hard sometimes, really hard.
Sorry you are going through this. IT is painful to watch your own child destroy their lives, etc. It sounds like you are doing a lot of work for her driving her to AA mtgs, etc, which I would say is fine if she is willing to put in the effort, but from what you say she is not, so maybe she can start to find her own rides, etc.
It's hard to let go. I am learning this fine skill myself with my husband who is the alcoholic in my life. I have to let go. Control is not with me. I cant' control whether he drinks or not. It's hard sometimes, really hard.
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