renee18

In one week I will be leaving for college. I will be starting a new journey in my life next week. I think this is the most challenging thing that I have went through. I do not know anyone where I am going. I have been at my local school all my life now my envoriment is changing. I will have to find a new Al-Anon meeting and i think that will be a the hardest because I love the meetings I go to now. But the most challenging is leaving my parents. I have been my parent's parent most of my life. doing for them what they can do themselves. I have been the care giver. I don't know how to be the daughter. I understand that me going away might be the best thing for my parents but that mean I have to change more too. I have to learn how to be a daughter. I am 19 but I don't always act like I am 19 I act more like I am 30 and have a family of my own. I do have more fun now than IU have in the past. I am afraid that I wont make friends in college and that I will go back to being shy again. It is hard for me to make friends. I have been changing alot but I don't think it is enough before I leave next week. I am just having doubts about me doing good and about me making it the best I can. Ia m letting this eat away at me for the past couple of days now and I am on a down ward spirl and i need to pull myself out of it before i get to bad.
love,
Shana

quietsins

hi!

well, as the mother of a son who just finished his first year of college... dont dwell on what might go wrong. just deal with anything that does go wrong when it happens.

if you want to dwell on anything.. dwell on all the wonderful glorious opportunities waiting for you. colleges have get togethers made just for freshmen coming in. dont be a wall flower and sit those out. they are great fun and you will meet so very many people who are just as unsure and just as nervous as you are.

remember how you felt your first meeting? well there are dorm RA (resident assistants) in most dorms. those are older students who know just what you are feeling and have all the answers, or at least the idea of who can get answers for you.

go to the library. its a nice place to get to know others. most schools have a movie night for students in a commons area. this is both entertainment and a way for students to get to know each other.

go to the football games this fall if they have a team. or whatever sport you enjoy. if you dont enjoy it, trust me, you will meet someone there who is a student and will tell you all about it.

college is a great opportunity. as an old geezer now, i look at all the chances i had to increase my opportunities at college, but i made sure i told my son how not to do that. and right now he is going into his second year... loving college.

you are bright, or they wouldnt have admitted you. you are capable or you wouldnt have the grades you did in school to get to college. you are of a good heart and people can sense that a mile away... looking ahead can be with dread.. or with excitement. the choice is yours.

have a wonderful time,
quietsins

splendra

So it sounds like the one of the first things you might want to do is find an alanon group cause no matter where you go you have friends built in with Alanon. You might even ask your home group if any one has any contacts in the city you are going to.

You are gong to be studying hard and getting that degree but I am sure there is plenty of oppertunity to meet people. Just don't let anyone push you to do what you know you do not want to do... stay strong and keep a positive attitude. You gonna be ok cause you are our baby girl made good and going to college. Whoa I am beaming with pride right now!!!

nocellphone

One of the things I love about Al-Anon is that, no matter where I go, I have instant roomfuls (is that a word?) of friends...

I can relate, Shana. That pretty much sums up how my relationship with my mom used to be, before recovery.

This is a good, positive, healthy change--for you and for them. Everybody gets a chance to grow up!

Fear is a natural part of change. It's to be expected. I just try to remember that fear is NOT the Higher Power, and that I can turn my fear over to HP.

But it may be enough, and that's where hope comes in. My sponsor suggests that, before I enter a fearful situation, I send my Higher Power ahead of me and ask that He/She/It create a safe place for me.

I'm sure this is a topic you could share at a meeting (or several) and with recovering friends. You can certainly talk about it here!

I have faith that you're gonna be more than ok, Shana... You've got plenty of tools, just remember to take 'em with you... and remember to use 'em!

minnie

Sweetie, I think your fears are natural. This is a huge step you are taking and one that you have worked hard for. There will be many people in exactly your situation and will be as scared as you are. Look at it is being a place where there are lots of new friends for you to get to know, including at al-anon meetings. I moved to a new area in March and had to find a new meeting. That was scary, but I have the most wonderful new support around me now.

I know what you mean about being old before your time - I was just discussing this with my counsellor yesterday. She told me to let that kid out to play sometimes. You have a great opportunity to break away from your old role when you go away - take advantage of that.

We're with you every step of the way.

renee18

Thanks everyone for your commments. They help me a lot. I a afraid but I can turn that over to my Higher Power thanks for reminding me of that. I do have choices and that is something new that I am learning. I can be opened minded or closed minded in this situation. I am trying to be opened minded and when I can't I will turn that over to my Higher power too. I will get involoved. I love football games. I promised myself thati would go to them becasue that is something I love to do. I have found a few meetings in the area where I am going and I should not worry about this because i have been to different meetings and they all had very nice and friendly people. I do need t let the kid out in me and let me play. I do have more fun now then I have had and that does make a big difference in my attitude. I think that once I get there I will be okay it is just getting there. I know have have worked hard to get here I still in ways can't believe that I am actually here. Thnks for alll the support
Love,
Shana

Pick-a-name

Hi Shana: I am positive you will go great. Just remember, most of the other people there probably feel the same way you do. I met a lot of friends in my dorm, that I still keep in toch with off-and-on 30 yrs later...we all learned about growing up together. I found that I just introduced myself to the people on the floor, instead of waiting for them, said hello, asked if anyone wanted to join me when it was time to go to the cafeteria,etc, if I had a question, needed an extra hand...etc. You meet a lot of people that way, and then the people they have met,etc. Most people are anxious to have another friendly,familiar face when they don't know anyone,their way around,etc...bumble along together!

It is a change........give yourself a break and don't push it and I am sure you will get the hang of things, get a routine, and things will fall in place for you.

p.s. Take plenty of pictures!
p.s.s. we'll all still "be here" for you...keep in touch!

p.s.s.s. My mom gave me good advice when I went away. "Everything in moderation." I will pass that to you....keeps things simple! Enjoy!