elizabeth1979

I replied to a Newcomers post about Pot earlier and it got the reels in my head turning.
I spent so much time asking why to my ex. Why couldnt he stop, why wouldnt he just do it? Did he really want to live like that?

I should have never asked those questions, even to myself, because I already knew the answer. I had a drug problem in my young college years. From the ages of 18-21 I stole jewelry from my mother to buy meth and pot. I wrote bad checks, and while I always had a job and car and house, I was always one step away from losing it all. I never wanted to consider myself an addict, because I seemed to have it all together. So much talk about functional addicts lately, made me realize what I had been hiding from in my past.

I think I hid that part of my past from myself. I didnt want to admit that I knew I couldnt make him stop drinking, because nobody but myself and God could make me quit.

In hindsight, I wish I could have stopped focusing on his addiction so much and maybe I could have been a little more constructive if I spoke to him in the voice of "I understand what you are going through" instead of my tried and true, " I dont undertsand why you are doing this to yourself and the people who love you."

I think that the measure of my worth in my own eyes just increased, because that lightbulb in my head just went off. I finally get him. Hes just an addict, he didnt try to hurt me, I just got in the way of his habit.

GettingBy

We all get in the way of their habits, and that's how we get hurt.

I'm glad you shared your moment with us. It was a great thing for me to read today!

:-) Shannon

cwohio

thanks for sharing that sarah elizabeth - not many people would open up like that and expose themselves!

hugs - christie