some small progress
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Conestoga, PA
Posts: 4
some small progress
Sorry to repost this, but I wanted to move it up to a new thread to see if I got any other input.
Also, to add something. I am having problems with finding out any information from the center he is in. The only time I get answers is when I call overnight and talk to the nurses. I have left numerous messages for his primary counselor who will not return my calls(and he told me last night that she has only said hi to him in the hallway, if he has been there since last Thursday is this normal? I have to be aware of where he is in treatment so I can make plans for both myself and my daughter.
Wow it seems like such a lot has happened in the two days since I wrote here the last time. I slept for 1 hr that morning then got up and drove the 2 hours to visit him in rehab because everyone said he would need my support. I expected a scene but we talked like we haven't talked in monthes and I left there feeling like a teenager because he held my hand, that hasn't happened in years. I guess that sounds kind of stupid coming from a grown adult. I know not to get my hopes up but he wants to stay as long as it takes to get better, the funny thing is he expected a scene too and even asked them to keep a close eye on us. I don't think it is him that has changed as much as I have from the little bit of time I have spent reading the posts on this board and reading the big book, I am aware there were things that I was doing that contributed to his need to "escape." What you need to remember is he was sober for 4 years when we met and I did not know anything about his problem, as far as how to deal with it. I didn't even want him to go to rehab, how silly was that?
I attended my first Al-Anon meeting here locally last night and believe it or not even decided to share, through my tears. But the topic they chose last night was gratitude and I thought when they started there is no way I can talk because I have nothing to be grateful for right now, by the time it came to be my turn in the small group, only about 10 people, I realized that I had a lot to be grateful for including the fact that my husband wanted to go to rehab and not put me through anymore pain, and the fact that although I don't want to be away from my three year old I have family who are going to keep her for this week and maybe next until I come up with a real plan. I am also grateful to those of you on this board who have taken the time to respond to me and give me some hope. I am going to make it through this because I want to and I am a strong person. That meeting which only lasted an hour left me feeling more refreshed than a whole weeks worth of sleep would have and I know now what I need to do both for myself, my daughters, and my A. He knows what he needs to do because he has been there before and did not have a family that was waiting on him, and he was sober for 9 1/2 years that time. He will make it through this program and he will have a stronger, better informed, and supportive wife to help him when he gets out. He can take care of his end and I now know what mine is, so I can take care of it.
The funny thing is I work in a hotel and last night when I went to work after that meeting the police department called me and asked if I could help and woman and her son whose druken husband was being abusive, and I just knew although it wasn't much that I needed to reduce the rate so she could get away from him for the night. Although my boss may not like how much I reduced it he will understand, so I guess I needed to go to that meeting and get the support from it so I would in some small way be able to help this lady.
And by the way, although I still have not gotten much sleep I have eaten now.
I look forward to any feedback that you may have for me. I am new to this but I am determined and I will get through. And for some reason I truly believe that I will come out on the other end with my husband and a much stronger and loving marriage because of it.
I love hearing from all of you so please let me know what you think.
Love,
WTS
Also, to add something. I am having problems with finding out any information from the center he is in. The only time I get answers is when I call overnight and talk to the nurses. I have left numerous messages for his primary counselor who will not return my calls(and he told me last night that she has only said hi to him in the hallway, if he has been there since last Thursday is this normal? I have to be aware of where he is in treatment so I can make plans for both myself and my daughter.
Wow it seems like such a lot has happened in the two days since I wrote here the last time. I slept for 1 hr that morning then got up and drove the 2 hours to visit him in rehab because everyone said he would need my support. I expected a scene but we talked like we haven't talked in monthes and I left there feeling like a teenager because he held my hand, that hasn't happened in years. I guess that sounds kind of stupid coming from a grown adult. I know not to get my hopes up but he wants to stay as long as it takes to get better, the funny thing is he expected a scene too and even asked them to keep a close eye on us. I don't think it is him that has changed as much as I have from the little bit of time I have spent reading the posts on this board and reading the big book, I am aware there were things that I was doing that contributed to his need to "escape." What you need to remember is he was sober for 4 years when we met and I did not know anything about his problem, as far as how to deal with it. I didn't even want him to go to rehab, how silly was that?
I attended my first Al-Anon meeting here locally last night and believe it or not even decided to share, through my tears. But the topic they chose last night was gratitude and I thought when they started there is no way I can talk because I have nothing to be grateful for right now, by the time it came to be my turn in the small group, only about 10 people, I realized that I had a lot to be grateful for including the fact that my husband wanted to go to rehab and not put me through anymore pain, and the fact that although I don't want to be away from my three year old I have family who are going to keep her for this week and maybe next until I come up with a real plan. I am also grateful to those of you on this board who have taken the time to respond to me and give me some hope. I am going to make it through this because I want to and I am a strong person. That meeting which only lasted an hour left me feeling more refreshed than a whole weeks worth of sleep would have and I know now what I need to do both for myself, my daughters, and my A. He knows what he needs to do because he has been there before and did not have a family that was waiting on him, and he was sober for 9 1/2 years that time. He will make it through this program and he will have a stronger, better informed, and supportive wife to help him when he gets out. He can take care of his end and I now know what mine is, so I can take care of it.
The funny thing is I work in a hotel and last night when I went to work after that meeting the police department called me and asked if I could help and woman and her son whose druken husband was being abusive, and I just knew although it wasn't much that I needed to reduce the rate so she could get away from him for the night. Although my boss may not like how much I reduced it he will understand, so I guess I needed to go to that meeting and get the support from it so I would in some small way be able to help this lady.
And by the way, although I still have not gotten much sleep I have eaten now.
I look forward to any feedback that you may have for me. I am new to this but I am determined and I will get through. And for some reason I truly believe that I will come out on the other end with my husband and a much stronger and loving marriage because of it.
I love hearing from all of you so please let me know what you think.
Love,
WTS
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: upstate, ny
Posts: 135
+dear where,
sounds like u have a very good attitude towards whats been happening in ur life.this has been a difficult time from the sounds of ur post. alanon is a wonderful, simple program that can help both u and ur husband. the illness brings out the worst in all of us, but recovery will reveal the hopes and joys of a better life guided by our loving higher power.glad to hear that ur husband knew enough about himself to go to rehab and try to get the tools for a better life. i also agree that u have good reason to hope for a stronger marriage. stay focused on what ur hp wants 4 u and my prayers go out for u and ur family.
hugs from sugar
sounds like u have a very good attitude towards whats been happening in ur life.this has been a difficult time from the sounds of ur post. alanon is a wonderful, simple program that can help both u and ur husband. the illness brings out the worst in all of us, but recovery will reveal the hopes and joys of a better life guided by our loving higher power.glad to hear that ur husband knew enough about himself to go to rehab and try to get the tools for a better life. i also agree that u have good reason to hope for a stronger marriage. stay focused on what ur hp wants 4 u and my prayers go out for u and ur family.
hugs from sugar
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