sunshinebluesky

i have been very depressed the last few days. i havent been feeling well physically and i dont know if that has set it off or what........its so bad i just start crying...................well tonight i come home from work,and i am fighting it and fighting it the best i can. i keep reminding myself of the cute guy in the white toyota truck that i see on the road from time to time who always smiles and waves at me....................oh, and i had a damn sex dream this morning..not sure who the guy was in it, maybe him??????...well anyway, back to tonite...cell phone rings, i look at it, it is the ex....hmmmmmmm...i answer, and it only takes about 40 seconds to realize he has accidently made it dial my number, and now i am listening to him and his new woman!! thank God they werent having sex!!!! but it was hard enough when i heard him call her "baby"...................does it ever freaking end???????????????????????

Cynay

Now that is weird, what are the chances of that happening.

Can I suggest you change your number, it was one of the best things I did for myself... I dont have to worry now because he does not have my number to misdial or call when he thinks he wants too.

I usually get depressed when Im sick too, sounds like its time to pamper yourself... maybe a nice masssage?

bikewench

ahhhhh...

knife in the heart...

I know...
friggin hurts..

.. I gotta tell ya though... I've felt that way about a few guys... so...
Now.. I know it's about my codie-nuss.. and not love...

Love is free... and it feels good...

All I can suggest to help lessen the pain is to consciously avoid thinking about him...
You could even say a quick prayer for his wellbeing as ya kiss his mental image toodle loo... ;o)

And ya... replace that image with the guy in the toyota....

.... pronto... ;o)

cwohio

((sunshinebluesky)) - it seems like it never ends doesn't it? maybe go to the dr. & get checked out. why was he calling you?

Cazza

I am right there with you Sunshinebluesky... I have been very sad and crying a lot lately. I try to keep myself busy so I don't think about him or call him, but it is hard to be occupied 24/7. Maybe time is the answer, or maybe therapy? Just know you are not alone in feeling this way.

Girlfriend

Hi sunshinebluesky,

I'm sorry you're not feeling well That will help depress you, it does me.

We need to go through the rough times in order to get to the good. If everything was easy, we'd never grow as a person. It's time like these when you hang on to your HP. God is mine and there have been times that have hurt so badly that I'd be hanging onto Him by my pinkie finger, but still.......hanging on. He's my Rock and He gets me through.

Then, when the good comes and the clouds and darkness disappears, we can look back and see that it was in those dark times that we grew the most.

I'm sorry that you had to hear your x and his new gf. That must of hurt you, badly. But, have Hope. Somewhere out there is a wonderful man for you that is gonna treat you well,...... like you deserve, and it's a matter of time until you meet him.

In the meantime, take care of yourself and work on you, so that when he comes, you'll be all set to go!

((hugs))

CodeMaster

Your posting made me laugh and it also made me sad too...

I think he probably did it on purpose, besides, to make it end, dont pick up the phone anymore...

Dont worry, go home, take a warm bath, have a good meal, then go to sleep, when you wake up and open your window, youll find there are many great men out there much better then your ex...

Cazza

It isn't that easy - there are actually not that many GREAT men out there from my experience. And as Mr. Christian said, there is no step for letting go of a love.

CodeMaster

Worlds filled with 6 billion people, I believe there are many GREAT people all over.
Sometimes its destinys guidance that you arent suppose to be with the one you currently love for whatever reason... in any case, I know the delima myself, I still have love despite how many people surround me with new love everyday. I can only share my experience in that letting go has been the most eye opening life changing experience of my life.

Best wishes to you always...

Cap3

Dear Cazza you say that there is no step for letting go.Yes,there is. Its all in step one.Maybe you will find this helpful,from al-anon,s 12 steps and 12 traditions...
When our eyes and ears and hearts were opened we could free ourselves from our rigid determination to have thinga the way we wanted them.Then we began to grow.Live and let live.Let go and let God.Freed from the......obsession....with another person we could focus our attention on ourselves.Each time we detached we moved forward.I was the one who allowed my life to become troubled and confused,my thinking so warped.If i can take my eyes off others i can see those things in me which contributed to the harshness of my life.I can only begin my search for serenity when i can free myself from ....MY obsession with others.....This is the key for me.To work on my ...own obsession....When i do this, im free to love. A healthier, kinder love.And let go,if another wants to move on.If you love another set them free.If they come back it was meant to be.If not,then it never was meant to be.There is a whole new world out there for you.Can't choose who i love.But can choose how i respond,after all the tears are out.Then i can move forward.For me,when love holds on,hangs onto me,i feel smothered.Not healthy for either one of us.Free to give and recieve love..Hope this helps,in your time of hurting.My prayers for your healing,.
Let go,let God,work in your life.One Day At A Time....The best is yet to be...
Thanks for letting me share,
God Bless,and take care!!!!!!!

Cazza

Codemaster - No offense, but it is not easy for some of us to fall in love with a person, no matter how many people there are in the world and no matter how many of them may be great in your opinion. I know you were trying to be encouraging, but I feel it is not as simple as "opening your window" and "realizing there are many great men out there." I am sorry, but that struck a chord with me as so many people are always saying to me "You deserve better," and "There are better guys." But if all it took was being great for us to fall in love with each other, no one would ever be alone. Love is much more complicated than that, and honestly, truly "great" SINGLE men with their heads and hearts in the right places and with the right qualities to suit the right women are in my experience very rare, no matter how many billions of people are out there. (The same goes for women!) There are good people everywhere, but when your heart is broken, it doesn't make much difference. The truth is, when you love someone that can't or won't give you what you need, no matter what their problem, it takes a long time to let go and get over that person. No amount of "great" people is going to do the trick. Hope this makes sense.

Cap - Thanks, but I still feel like time is the only cure for a losing and getting over a love whether he be an alcoholic or not. And it hurts, and it is supposed to hurt.

pmaslan

OMG...thank you Cazza, I couldn't have said it any better.........
Makes perfect ssensse to me.....
Love, Patty

elizabeth1979

Oh sunshine, that must have been hard to hear! You sound like you are dealing with it well though. I know for me, getting my head on straight is what it takes for me to deal with these sort of things daily, without falling apart. Learn to be proud of yourself for the little things and take pride in the fact that you are growing, not staying in the same unhealthy place!

sunshinebluesky

i must say,i agree with these statements. it is very disheartening,and very confusing to go thru failed relationship after relationship. if you are depressed about it and you are young, imagine my take on it at 51!!! these days so much emphasis is put on the so called "hot" women,even the nice guys are getting sucked into that whole shallow sea!!! so many times i meet someone,and it seems they ARE the BETTER i deserve. and then, it happens. or doesnt happen. they talk about picking the "wrong" men. well,let me tell you i have set my sights high,but in the real world it doesnt work.....we get what we get. i once read, "you get what you are" and i thought- oh my God, i am THAT???!!!I have read you have to love yourself,have confidence,smile,go after what you want blah blah blah...so i have gone out truly thinking i look great,i am great,been alittle more assertive, and what happens???NOTHING!!! i look for the basics first....im not materialistic....someone who has a steady job,income,is responsible,a vehicle,a place to live....someone who is honest, faithful....all good qualities-----but with these good qualities sometimes come the quirks....and some,some people can handle, other people cant. ive read love is total acceptance. but what is acceptable to some is not acceptable to others. i have tried to be more tolerant,but important things for me always seem to be lacking. and is total acceptance, SETTLING????? i thought i was ready to "settle" this last time. guess i just dont have it in me. and its just not lookin real good for me as far as being part of a permanent couple!!!!!

walkingtheline

I am older than you.

Lots of frogs...a few princes.

Work on you and the rest will follow. Even the princes.

CodeMaster

Hey, I'm with you on that... it isnt easy, as I said, I'm in my own delima. I still find it suprising how much I still love my ex, despite our no contact for about 3 months now. I still think about her everyday and my heart still yearns for her to just lay by me. Nothing in my opinion, can easily replace or maybe ever replace that love... despite how much I want to numb this feeling or drop it. But none the less, in my current situation, and I speak for me only, I truly believe moving forward is critical, the right thing to do, and thus, I have to remember and encourage myself and sometimes share my opinions that it is a huge world out there filled with great opportunity in every aspect of life from exploring experiences to meeting all kinds of people. Sure, a perfect girl to suit a guy is just as hard to find a sa perfect guy to suit a girl as you say, but I am optimistic, and I believe if you believe in yourself and of the fact this world is worth believing and looking forward to experiencing, then you will find it!

I used to believe I wont ever give up on my ex-gf, this is what most people believe, the suprising factor in my story and not to imply this on anyone else's life, is at some point, my ex-gf post getting sober, fell into being a typical dry drunk and could not tell right from wrong and she gave up on me. That, as much as I'd love to say how much I wouldve done for her, how far I wouldve held on, is something I cannot help and something I had to accept.

As it became my most fallen moments I can remember in my short life, I can now see from destiny, had she never done that, I wouldve never had the strength to leave. It was only after leaving can you see just how magnificient this world is. We can agree to disagree on this, but I for one, wont believe this world only has a very limited good people in it. I dont believe destiny designed it that way, and take or leave what I have to share, its all good.

Wishing everyone the best always, I still hurt as I do tonight which is why I come to this forum tonight from missing my ex so much... Despite how hard I try to move on, but I have been placed a message from destiny to look forward to some pretty amazing experiences to come because this world is truly magnificient, and I've only begun to barely scratch the surface and I'm very excited to live life to the fullest with the many new dreams I have in my visions I never knew was in me...

escape artist

i guess if you have to sit in the pain, there must be a reason for it. when you are ready to get up and out of the pain you will be ready. i am pretty sure that one can die from a broken heart if one wishes to do that. i remember being in that place once- and it was over an alcoholic whom i loved with my whole heart. but i had to let him go.....and it did take quite a while for my pain of my loss to go away....interestingly enough, when i finally decided to DO something different-well, actually it was almost like a cosmic messenger in the apartment newsletter (who ever reads those?)---anyone wanting to learn how to play racquetball call...... and i called. the man that was set right before my eyes was like a godsend. and being that i was still in grief from my former love, i treated him and myself way differently. and when i look back on that - i remember that man as being one of the HIGHLIGHTS of my whole life- he definitely lifted me out of my despair and my butt got a lot tighter too in the process (racquetball!)

so be gentle to yourself and cry if you feel like it. call someone if you need to - we are here as well. when you get to that place of quiet after you have cried, you may find your pathway that will lead you to your joy.

and yes, the steps will help you if you use them.