I think I've had enough
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Litterbox City
Posts: 5,691
I think I've had enough
After 30 days dry after a DUI and numerous trips to ER the past 2 yrs. AH has been hard at it again the past 5 days. He's shown up at IOP after drinking (don't know how they could not have known) and just got thru verbally lashing me. I just know that I need to take steps to get out of this or it will kill me too. He is supposed to go to IOP tomorrow nite -WTF? How does he think he will make it? It's family nite & I have no desire to participate.
I need to start planning for my departure & I am so scared. Not because I don't think I can make it but just getting out without a big confrontation.
Man this disease sucks!
ES&H time family!
I need to start planning for my departure & I am so scared. Not because I don't think I can make it but just getting out without a big confrontation.
Man this disease sucks!
ES&H time family!
To Life!
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
CW;
I'm so sorry...and I understand. I left my ex - a gambler - after he almost lost our home twice. And it was so hard to do -- I was so frightened. I had been married 24 years, and I had no job. But, it was better than allowing him to make me homeless.
Today, I'm better off. I'm sorry it came to a divorce ad there were other issues too with my son's addiction. Bottom line - life can get better...
Shalom!
I'm so sorry...and I understand. I left my ex - a gambler - after he almost lost our home twice. And it was so hard to do -- I was so frightened. I had been married 24 years, and I had no job. But, it was better than allowing him to make me homeless.
Today, I'm better off. I'm sorry it came to a divorce ad there were other issues too with my son's addiction. Bottom line - life can get better...
Shalom!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hey there CW ((((((HUGS)))))))
I know how painful it is to be in your situation. I was there not too long ago. I'm praying for you every day and I know your HP will be with you every moment.
Mike :-)
I know how painful it is to be in your situation. I was there not too long ago. I'm praying for you every day and I know your HP will be with you every moment.
Mike :-)
Member
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 407
Cwohio -
That was my biggest fear too - getting away without a horrible scene. I was afraid that he would play on my emotions and I wouldn't be able to do it. He solved the problem for me by getting abusive and I called the cops. He was on probation for a DUI so being drunk violated it and he spent 30 days in jail and I made my getaway!!!!! Make your plan. Do you want him out or will you leave? Think about how you want it to go and plan for it. It may not go exactly as you plan but if you have your ducks in a row it sure will help. I wish you well.
Hugs, Jo
PS There definitely can be a better life without them!!!!!!
That was my biggest fear too - getting away without a horrible scene. I was afraid that he would play on my emotions and I wouldn't be able to do it. He solved the problem for me by getting abusive and I called the cops. He was on probation for a DUI so being drunk violated it and he spent 30 days in jail and I made my getaway!!!!! Make your plan. Do you want him out or will you leave? Think about how you want it to go and plan for it. It may not go exactly as you plan but if you have your ducks in a row it sure will help. I wish you well.
Hugs, Jo
PS There definitely can be a better life without them!!!!!!
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
(((Chris)))
Oh sweetie, I am so sorry it has come to this, but I am glad you have found the strength to put yourself first.
I was scared too. So I told him in our counselling session. I didn't think I'd made my decision before then, but I probably had in hindsight. I needed someone else there so that he wouldn't blow up. Also, my Dad was due to arrive that evening, so I knew that I wouldn't be alone. That's what I would advise anyone in this situation - have someone there, or nearby, or somewhere to go for a short while. I don't know how the family nights work at the IOP, but can you call him on his drinking there? Perhaps it would be safer in that setting.
Hon, start getting your plan worked out. You don't need to act on it just yet. Remember those 3 frogs on the lily pad? One made the decision to jump off. How many are left? 3 because one only made a decision.
Check out this thread - you might be able to pick out some info you need as part of your plan.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ad.php?t=50620
Take care, hon, and remember that we are all there right alongside you.
Love
Minnie
xxx
Oh sweetie, I am so sorry it has come to this, but I am glad you have found the strength to put yourself first.
I was scared too. So I told him in our counselling session. I didn't think I'd made my decision before then, but I probably had in hindsight. I needed someone else there so that he wouldn't blow up. Also, my Dad was due to arrive that evening, so I knew that I wouldn't be alone. That's what I would advise anyone in this situation - have someone there, or nearby, or somewhere to go for a short while. I don't know how the family nights work at the IOP, but can you call him on his drinking there? Perhaps it would be safer in that setting.
Hon, start getting your plan worked out. You don't need to act on it just yet. Remember those 3 frogs on the lily pad? One made the decision to jump off. How many are left? 3 because one only made a decision.
Check out this thread - you might be able to pick out some info you need as part of your plan.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ad.php?t=50620
Take care, hon, and remember that we are all there right alongside you.
Love
Minnie
xxx
Binge poster
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 561
Hey you,
I'm so sorry to hear you feeling this bad. My heart goes out to you, it really does.
I left an alcohol-fuelled abusive marriage nearly 8 years ago.
At the time I could see no way out and also feared the confrontation. Actually I was terrified of it.
To be honest I can't remember much of the reasoning that made me move out and leave him everything, apart from the fact that it seemed my sanity and the boys' well-being was more important that anything else. And I don't know where the courage came from. Maybe the misery and loathing outweighed the fear?
Times were tough, sometimes very tough, but here we are, mostly happy and calm and as you saw yesterday, doing well in school!
I guess what I'm trying to say is that things will work out for you. Even my bad days are wonderful compared to the way I was living way back then. You'll get through this and you'll come out the other end stronger and wiser.
You're worth it and we are all rooting for you. It's do-able!
All my best wishes and hugs to you
Jane
xxxx
I'm so sorry to hear you feeling this bad. My heart goes out to you, it really does.
I left an alcohol-fuelled abusive marriage nearly 8 years ago.
At the time I could see no way out and also feared the confrontation. Actually I was terrified of it.
To be honest I can't remember much of the reasoning that made me move out and leave him everything, apart from the fact that it seemed my sanity and the boys' well-being was more important that anything else. And I don't know where the courage came from. Maybe the misery and loathing outweighed the fear?
Times were tough, sometimes very tough, but here we are, mostly happy and calm and as you saw yesterday, doing well in school!
I guess what I'm trying to say is that things will work out for you. Even my bad days are wonderful compared to the way I was living way back then. You'll get through this and you'll come out the other end stronger and wiser.
You're worth it and we are all rooting for you. It's do-able!
All my best wishes and hugs to you
Jane
xxxx
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: uk
Posts: 3,054
One thing I learned in teh last couple of months is that we all have our limits. That scared me and so did knowing that I would leave before I gave up my sanity to this. (Yep - the rumours are true, I think I'm sane!).
Like all the above I think this decision has taken courage on your part. Courage isn't the lack of fear but the ability to act despite fear - making decisions is a big and real part of action.
And - you're right it sucks!
Like all the above I think this decision has taken courage on your part. Courage isn't the lack of fear but the ability to act despite fear - making decisions is a big and real part of action.
And - you're right it sucks!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Sussex, NJ
Posts: 1,331
They know he was drinking Chris, an alcoholic cannot fool another. It is my understanding that all are welcome, drunk or not and eventually something will get through to them.
Make your plans and move forward. I know it's hard, as I mentioned in another post it took me 7 years to get out of a prior relationship with an alcoholic. When I finally did, my friends could not believe it.
Make your plans and move forward. I know it's hard, as I mentioned in another post it took me 7 years to get out of a prior relationship with an alcoholic. When I finally did, my friends could not believe it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: over the rainbow
Posts: 487
Originally Posted by cwohio
I need to start planning for my departure & I am so scared. Not because I don't think I can make it but just getting out without a big confrontation.
ES&H time family!
ES&H time family!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Litterbox City
Posts: 5,691
all - i want to thank you for your prayers and ESH. i just know in my heart of hearts that it won't get any better with me there. it's going to take some real planning - he is ALWAYS there so i'm not sure how i will pull off finally leaving. plus i have 2 cats - one of which is old and on meds so i would have to consider her in the process as i know he would not administer them.
judy - i know in AA they welcome everyone, but i know in his one IOP program they said they would send them out if they had been drinking. not sure about this one but i guess it's not my problem. i know jojo mentioned the probation thing and it being a violation if they drink. i have to leave it in God's hands and just do what i can to get myself together.
thanks again everyone - it truly is nice to know that we all have support - even if it's cyber support. i just hope i don't wimp out.
judy - i know in AA they welcome everyone, but i know in his one IOP program they said they would send them out if they had been drinking. not sure about this one but i guess it's not my problem. i know jojo mentioned the probation thing and it being a violation if they drink. i have to leave it in God's hands and just do what i can to get myself together.
thanks again everyone - it truly is nice to know that we all have support - even if it's cyber support. i just hope i don't wimp out.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ireland
Posts: 152
((cw))
so sorry you're in such a hard place. I've no advice to offer, I'm afraid, only prayers and wishes that you'll be helped to get out of this in the safest possible way. I hope you have family or friends that can help you plan or if not support from a lawyer or a women's refuge. Maybe you cats could go to kennels for a while - at least you'd know they'd be safe, then you could carry out your plan.
It will get better as others here have shown you - and you have the courage to do it.
Sophia
xxxx
so sorry you're in such a hard place. I've no advice to offer, I'm afraid, only prayers and wishes that you'll be helped to get out of this in the safest possible way. I hope you have family or friends that can help you plan or if not support from a lawyer or a women's refuge. Maybe you cats could go to kennels for a while - at least you'd know they'd be safe, then you could carry out your plan.
It will get better as others here have shown you - and you have the courage to do it.
Sophia
xxxx
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Litterbox City
Posts: 5,691
all - let me just caveat that i am not in physical danger - my AH has never been physically abusive (never say never right). the confrontation i fear would be verbal/mental and the of course the old - "i'll get help" which in itself is devastating as we all know. if i can, i am going to get the little things taken care of - stopping auto payments of utilities from coming out of my acct., buying items i will need and storing them, etc. - i feel if i at least do some of these things that it will sink in that i need to move forward.
thanks again for all the ESH!
thanks again for all the ESH!
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