cloudy

I know what you're talking about CW, the confrontational mind-messing barriers. The thought and emotion swarm that can suddenly form right there within you in front of you all around. You sound like you're taking it steady and that's a good way to go when you can :- ) hang in there and you'll stay in those prayers, you and your cats

Pick-a-name

Hugs and prayers to you...........whatever you decide.

emily33

Chris, I am am so sorry. You are right this disease SUCKS!! Sending Lots of hugs and prayers your way.

Gracey

cwohio

the sad thing is i have been grieving for a while now and have really kind of withdrawn from him. it's probably not right on mY part but i just couldn't "fake it" to the point that i went around feeling good about his actions. my behaviors haven't been the "role model" altho i really have been trying to change and think i have in a lot of ways. i mentioned in one of the family sessions when asked what i was doing for myself that i was socializing a bit more. i also said i was tired of being his mother. i think that threw him for a loop but obviously he would still prefer it that way.

GettingBy

That's exactly the same dilemna for me. He hates me being his "mother", but he hates when I'm not. When I keep my nose out of his business, it means he has to assume responsibility and it also means he can't blame me when the proverbial $hit hits the fan!! That's the shame/blame/guilt game. If I "shame" him for his behavior, I inevitably am stinking myself in the middle of "his stuff"... he then feels entitled to blame me ("You made me drink", "you are so controlling!"), and then it happens... I feel guilty! It's a dance that goes round and round, but as I keep taking different steps, the dance does change. Eventually I learn to not shame him for his behavior. If he wants to drink and drive, that's his choice but I will not get involved. If he wants to blow money at the bar (so he has nothing left over for his motorcycle), that's his problem not mine.

It's hard... it's hard to not pass judgement on him and his choices. That's where I'm stuck.

Sending lots of thoughts/prayers your way,
Shannon

pmaslan

Hi Chris..........I couldn't sleep last night and saw your post around 3am....just couldn't respond to it at the time..
You have been through a lot with you H and I know how hard you have been working on yourself.........
I think it is time for you to make the move for yourself.... from all that I have read......
Enough is enough.......it is oh so hard to leave, but staying is even harder....
I know this is very difficult for you but you will know the exact time to leave and you will be ready......(((Chris)))
Love, Patty

elizabeth1979

CW, so sorry to hear you are going through this. What a heartbreaker. My heart goes out to you. I was having a couple rough days and found that all I could do was read and pray. Keep your head up, you will never be given more than you can handle! (IMO)

minnie

chris, I wasn't implying that you were in physical danger, I just thought the link might have some good tip on it. All I can say about the mental and verbal stuff - think ducks, in terms of quacking and letting the words roll of like water off a ducks back. Don't get involved if the time for talking has passed.

cwohio

no minnie - i know that - i just wanted you all to know the whole scoop and nothing but the scoop (egads - that was really pathetic)! yep - i really have been better at trying not to respond to the quacking or when responding not in an angry or as my AH says - "you're yelling at me" ( which I may have done some of - guilty as charged).

EndOfRoadWife

Hang in there Christine!! Just take it 1 day at a time! (Hugs)

dax

Prayers for you and your cats. dax

LovingMom

Thinking of you and hope for the best possible outcome.

pmaslan

Hey Chris.....How ya doin' today.....just thinking about you.
Love, Patty

Cynay

Hey Chris... just want to add my prayers too.

cwohio

Thanks guys - hanging in there.

more drama yesterday - it was family nite at IOP and I decided I did not want to participate. got home - AH was in bed - got up and i told him that i was not participating but would take him and pick him up. normally he's been taking a cab. he was still "flying" but i figured, if he goes that way and somebody calls him on it that's his thing to deal with. they apparently didn't know last thurs. & this past mon. when he was in there and had been drinking. i got a call about 1 hour later from the group counselor asking me to come talk to her. he argued with me to take him home and i told him no. i said you can detox here or die at home and i am not taking you home. he finally agreed to stay for detox.

so......i can rest easy for probably 3-5 days - my HP must have known i needed a break in the action eh? i am still going to make an appt. with an atty. and find out about legalities/options.

not a big deal, but i did stop 1 bill of mine yesterday from coming out of my account automatically. ok - VERY small baby step!

thanks again everyone for your support and concern about me!!!!

hugs - chris aka christie

pmaslan

Chris....I remember those days when my exA would be in detox, I felt the same way...:ah, peace and quiet." The last time he was in less than 2 days, when he called to tell me that I said "WHAT it hasn't even been 48 hours yet and they are letting you out???" I knew then that my life was better when he was safely tucked away somewhere where I didn't have to deal with him...keep paving your way for YOUR great escape....(((Chris)))
Love, Patty

Cynay

Baby steps are still steps.... and from the sounds of it in the right direction.

Im happy you will get some peace.

cwohio

thanks for the support!!

equus

BUBBLEBATHS!! Late night posting, watching daft tv, reading a good book....

What you got planned?

I think you rock!!

cwohio

equus - thanks i feel like a rock lol! i am just enjoying the silence and not having to stare at a passed out person or talk to someone who is not there emotionally for me or himself at this point. definitely late night posting may be in order!